A recent report from Conventions, Sports, and Leisure International claims that San Diego will reap a maximum return on investment if the convention center is expanded in place, as opposed to building a separate facility …
September 4, 2015
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Stories by Walter Mencken
Mayor Faulconer pushes for convention center expansion despite lawsuit
Craft beer scene yields to burgeoning local heroin industry
Recent data released by SANDAG shows that heroin use among arrested San Diegans has tripled since 2002. Today, over 15 percent of all women and 13 percent of all men who get taken into custody …
August 29, 2015
FastPass border crossing initiative falls flat
On August 1, Mexico's San Ysidro pedestrian border crossing — long a favorite for American daytrippers heading into Tijuana — got a little less unregulated, as the country began running walkers through its newly built …
August 28, 2015
Mayor Faulconer accuses Chargers of failing to give city's stadium proposal due consideration
"The City of San Diego has acted in good faith with the San Diego Chargers," cried Mayor Faulconer at today's press conference, his plastic bib flopping about as he flailed his arms. "We sped up …
August 23, 2015
Rockstar announces GTA 5 mod in honor of El Centro drug-smuggling teens
On August 12, El Centro teens Jonathan Elias and Brayan Valle pleaded guilty in San Diego federal court to smuggling 28 pounds of heroin over the border from Mexico via personal drone. Just one week …
August 22, 2015
E-tagger vandalizes e-proposal for City Heights neighborhood sign
City authorities thought they had seen the last of the KRE8 tag, at least for the next few months. After all, 19-year-old Francisco Canseco, the man behind the ubiquitous spraypainted moniker, was sentenced to 180 …
August 20, 2015
San Diego chosen as sixth best city in which to prepare for the inevitable
YouWillDie.com recently rated San Diego as the sixth nicest large urban center in America in which to fritter away the brief span of your life before descending into endless oblivion. Considering factors such as weather, …
August 8, 2015
CPUC chief decries lawmaker's deadline for release of emails regarding San Onofre deal
California Public Utilities Commission President Michael Picker has issued a strong statement in reply to Utilities and Commerce Committee Chair Anthony Rendon, who recently issued a July 31 deadline for CPUC's presentation of emails relating …
August 7, 2015
NIH invites Junior Seau's daughter to speak at ceremony
After considerable controversy, the National Football League allowed Sydney Seau to speak at last weekend's NFL Hall of Fame ceremony, following the posthumous induction of her father, Tiaina Baul "Junior" Seau, Jr. Seau, a fearsome …
August 6, 2015
Out of the celluloid closet
"All That Heaven Allows was a brilliant dissection of an intolerant society's reaction to an unconventional marriage," says Mark Marquez, a graduate student at San Diego State's film studies program. "And it was no accident …
August 3, 2015
Save us, San Salvador
SAN DIEGO HARBOR LAUNCHPAD — After numerous delays due to both weather problems and concerns over the structural integrity of wooden vessels under the intense strain of space travel, the San Diego Maritime Museum's replica …
August 2, 2015
Theodore Geisel statue weeps tears of purest gold as posthumous book is published
On July 28, Random House published What Pet Should I Get?, a parable about the paralyzing effects of endless choice in a wealthy consumer society written by beloved children's author Theodore Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss. …
August 1, 2015
San Diego Public Utilities Officials seek to impose financial penalty on gross water-savers
FILE UNDER: ALMOST COMPLETELY FACTUAL NEWS — "If they save water, we don't sell water," said SDPU Associate Bastard Craig Greedhead. "And if we don't sell water, we don't make money. And that shit just …
July 26, 2015
Supreme Court Justice speaks at local judicial conference
U.S. Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy, who penned the majority decision in Obergefell v. Hodges, the landmark decision which cleared the way for legalized same-sex marriage in the United States, recently participated in a moderated …
July 25, 2015
San Diego Planned Parenthood addresses fetal organ controversy through updated board game
Kate Bradshaw, President of Planned Parenthood San Diego, is angry. "Everybody knows that if a woman wants to donate her kidney to someone who needs a kidney, she is free to do that. It's a …
July 23, 2015
Annual Shame parade attracts record number of participants, but no spectators
SOMETIME AFTER PRIDE, HILLCREST — There are no banners at the Shame parade. No floats. No music. No smiling politicians, eager to latch on to the general good feeling. And no spectators, save for the …
July 21, 2015
UCSD Professor petitions APA to Remove Narcissism from DSM
Prominent UCSD Professor of Psychology Rafe Lection announced today that he is formally petitioning the American Psychological Association to remove Narcisssitc Personality Disorder from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder, or DSM. "Times …
July 20, 2015
America's Finest Sh***y?
On a recent episode of his popular comedic commentary program Last Week Tonight, John Oliver took time to tackle the issue of publicly financed stadiums for privately owned sports teams. Not surprisingly, San Diego was …
July 18, 2015
Del Mar Opening Day 2015: Deep Cleavage Leads an Outstanding and Crowded Field
Opening Day 2015 at the Del Mar Racetrack had it all: high-stepping pageantry, fierce competition, desperate gambles, brutal jockeying for position, and the mysterious combination of effortless grace and hard-won physical excellence that is the …
July 17, 2015
You’ll never get a drink made from this recipe in any bar, anywhere
Just six years ago, Reader legend Ollie laid out an Old Fashioned recipe that, stripped of its existential and romantic trappings, involved dissolving a sugar cube in a splash of water, adding two dashes of …
July 15, 2015
RentMomsBasement.com rakes in record profits over Comic-Con 2015
Comic-Con has come and gone, and the good news is, San Diego will host the popular pop-culture convention at least through 2018. But after that, the Con’s future here is unclear, thanks in part to …
July 14, 2015
SDG&E explains new billing system
San Diego Gas & Electric recently voted to implement a new billing system, one that raised the per-kilowatt rate for the lightest consumers while lowering the rate for the highest consumers. "I know it looks …
July 12, 2015
(Over)cast your vote
“San Diego’s beaches were expecting over a million visitors for the July 4 holiday,” says San Diego Dept. of Weather chief Sunny Fair. “Thanks to the unseasonal cloud cover, we managed less than half of …
July 11, 2015
Old Globe defends use of Victoria's Secret models in summer production of Twelfth Night
"It's common knowledge that in Shakespeare's time, even the women's roles were played by men," says Old Globe artistic director Bart Delistein. "It's 2015. Frankly, we feel it's high time the ladies got a little …
July 6, 2015
Vinyl record market collapses
A local thrift store is under investigation by the Dept. of HUD (Hipster Underground Dwellings) after suffering a second-story collapse brought on by the weight of thousands of vinyl records being stored there. No one …
July 5, 2015
Padres manager accepts blame for team’s failings
“Looking back,” said former Padres manager Bud Black at a press conference held behind an Allied Gardens liquor-store dumpster, “I can see that I made some mistakes. [New team owner AJ] Preller isn’t always super …
June 23, 2015
Temecula doc opens up about Deputy's wound following Fallbrook taser incident
Sheriff Gill Bore has pointed to a nasty bite wound sustained by deputy Jeremy Banks as sufficient grounds for Banks' decision to deploy his taser while seeking to handcuff a resistant runaway Fallbrook teenager. Both …
June 18, 2015
The Faulcon can absolutely hear the Faulconer
What was expected to be a standard meeting of the San Diego City Council on Monday, June 8, took a turn for the dramatic when Mayor Faulconer made an unscheduled appearance and statement regarding his …
June 12, 2015
Personal seat licenses explained
From CSAG Stadium Report Appendix C: Personal Seat Licenses Look, it's not complicated. You want to buy a season ticket. But so does some other schnook. You buy a PSL, you get the option to …
June 1, 2015
Famed architect unveils design for new Chargers venue
Statement from Dan Meis, FAIA, founder of MEIS Stadium Planning, Construction, and Renovation, Inc.: "San Diego is not a ponderous monument to America's industrial glory days, like Cincinatti. There, I build a stadium solid enough …
May 31, 2015
SDSU announces plan to cover cost of proposed stadium rent hike
The Citizens' Stadium Advisory Group report on the new Chargers stadium includes a plan to increase the San Diego State University Aztecs' rent for use of the facility from $500,000 per year to $1.25 million …
May 30, 2015
Are you a Chargers fan?
Question one (of one): What is your reaction to this post on the Facebook group page, "You Know You're a Chargers Fan When"? a) Beleaguered, miserable acceptance b) Blind, bloodthirsty rage c) Bleary resignation d) …
May 29, 2015
Local instrument company fights banjo backlash with cheeky ad
In March of 2014, Vulture.com reporter Anna Silman asked a drunken Winston Marshall if his band, Mumford & Sons, had killed the banjo. “I think 'killed' is an understatement," replied the blotto banjo-man, whose plucky …
May 24, 2015
Chargers camp urges promises "thorough examination" of CSAG report
Statement from Chargers' head of business affairs A. G. Spanos: We are grateful to San Diego's Citizens' Stadium Advisory Group for putting in the extra effort required to get us a report by our arbitrarily …
May 23, 2015
Chargers trade quarterback Philip Rivers' soul to New England Patriots
"Philip Rivers is a very good quarterback," says Chargers head coach Mike McCoy. "On some Sundays, he's almost a great quarterback. But one thing he isn't is a Super Bowl champion quarterback, let alone a …
May 14, 2015
Trendwatch: Water mobs
In a move that has South County authorities baffled and concerned, two Chula Vista water hydrants were broken over the weekend. In both cases, water-loving flash-mobs were reported to have arrived on the scene just …
May 3, 2015
Greywater drain line proposed for Salton Sea restoration
HOPING ALL THAT DETERGENT WILL DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE SMELL, SALTON SEA — More and more, Imperial County farmers let their fields go fallow so they can sell their increasingly valuable water supplies to municipal …
May 1, 2015
SD on the QT dares to ask…
Visit SD on the QT's shop in the Apple App Store and pick up AppQuakeSD for just $1.99! AppQuakeSD is loaded with features, including real-time updates for Earthquake Risk along local fault lines, a customizable …
April 30, 2015
Leaked memo from Chargers insider: "Marcus Mariota is the future of the Chargers Choke."
When the San Diego Chargers started paying attention to Heisman Trophy winner and former Oregon quarterback Marcus Mariota, SD on the QT started paying attention to the Chargers. The result is this excerpt from a …
April 26, 2015
Faulconer: "You say Terrorist, and I say Tourist..."
Statement from Mayor Faulconer's office following the arrest of Abdirahman Yasin Daud and Mohamed Abdihamid Farah on charges of conspiracy to provide material support to a designated terrorist group: I certainly understand why some members …
April 24, 2015
SeaWorld releases 22 rescued and potty-trained pups into La Jolla Cove
Statement from SeaWorld Director of Wildlife Rehabilitation Lindsey Lyon: "When SeaWorld was called upon to rescue over 650 marine mammals from Southern California beaches this year — including over 400 sea lions, far more than …
April 18, 2015
Former Padres GM weighs in on Preller's Performance
STARTING IN ON ROUND FOUR, RARE FORM BAR JUST OUTSIDE PETCO PARK — Former San Diego Padres General Manager Josh Byrnes swears he isn't bitter about being replaced by brash upstart A.J. Preller last year. …
April 16, 2015
Local university brokers historic corporate partnership
Just two weeks after The Onion reported that the majority of the planet's uncontaminated water is contained in Coca-Cola products, SD on the QT has learned that the beverage giant has been working with genetic …
April 12, 2015
Revenge porn site operator sentenced to 18 years in prison
This week, 28-year-old Pacific Beach resident Kevin Bollaert was sentenced for crimes related to the running of his revenge porn site ugotposted.com and his complementary picture-removal service at changemyreputation.com. While ugotposted.com hosted sexually explicit photos …
April 10, 2015
USD students rally to save Torquemada Chapel
TRAPPED INSIDE AN IRON MAIDEN, UNIVERSITY OF SAN DIEGO — Inspired by the UCSD student body's heroic defense of its Ché Café, USD students today staged a massive protest in an effort to stop the …
April 5, 2015
Local reservation to serve as location for new San Diego football stadium
Statement from Viejas spokesman Sam Runningback: "Thanks to certain provisions within the U.S. tax code with regard to Indian gaming, we believe we can operate the San Diego Chargers on Mr. Spanos's behalf and avoid …
April 4, 2015
Mule manure monitor?
When Armando Gonzalez was arrested last week for placing a hidden camera in a Chula Vista border patrol station restroom, authorities thought they had nabbed a garden variety pervert. They certainly didn’t believe his story: …
April 3, 2015
Che Cafe supporters stage violent uprising against UCSD campus authorities
Faced with the closure of their beloved music venue and gathering space, and frustrated by the ineffectiveness of nonviolent protest, UCSD students today took up arms against their academic oppressors, turning the staid La Jolla …
March 28, 2015
Fire bad!
Firebug's lawyer plans to appeal: "I'm pretty sure this falls under the prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment. The Court has already stated that the goal here is rehabilitation for my client. But OMFG, this …
March 27, 2015
SDPD seeks "warm fuzzies"
Just one week after U-T San Diego caught the San Diego Police Department editing its own Wikipedia page to remove pieces of negative information — or "cold pricklies" as a leaked SDPD memo referred to …
March 26, 2015