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Coming Soon to an Administration Near You

Who Plays Who: Local Election Edition

Who Plays Who: Local Election Edition

Who Plays Who: Local Election Edition

Siren song

Sunset Cliffs mermaid decoy proves effective lure for Lovecraftian Elder God

NO, NOT REALLY — “Well, now we know why someone placed a fake mermaid on the rocks off Sunset Cliffs,” says San Diego Fish & Game’s head of code enforcement Howard Phillips. “She proved to ...

Coast Guard seizes over 5000 pounds of cocaine

Agency’s near-record haul represents a full 0.05% of annual import into US

JUST ADORABLE, REALLY — Above, Coast Guard agents in San Diego proudly display palettes of cocaine seized from a boat in international waters off the Central American coast last week. In a related image, right, ...

"Porn has already shown them everything!"

Protestors speak out against San Diego Schools' “woefully inadequate” sexual education program

NO, NOT REALLY — “Thanks to, 12-year-old kids already know about fisting, felching, scat play, trannys, grannys, Georgy Porgy Orgies, and all the rest of it,” laments concerned mother Chastity Rose (above right) as ...

San Diego, America's Finest Drone Zone

Well, one of ten selected by the FAA, anyway

NO, NOT REALLY: Your daughter, shielding her face from a peeping drone (shadow in upper left corner). “Soon, this sort of thing will be a thing of the past,” says Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao. “The ...

The Kardashian Konundrum

DAtfight breaks out at debate

NO, NOT REALLY — Interim DA Summer Stephan: “People should rise through their chain from deputy public defender to becoming a trusted team leader and making reforms that way, rather than really what is the ...

Win/Loss, Gwynn/Gloss

Tony Gwynn statue at Petco Park altered

NO, NOT REALLY: What’s in a name? “Some people are calling it an act of vandalism that dishonors the memory of a champion,” says Padres General Manager B.J. Stellar. “But it’s important not to get ...

Quiz time!

How does President Trump see the caravan of Central American migrants that has recently arrived at the US border?

a) Sauron’s orcish horde storming Helm’s Deep in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers? b) Victims of the Zombie Plague swarming up the walls of Jerusalem in World War Z? c) The White ...

Science: girls have cooties

New research out of Salk Institute finds genetic, gender-based source of the ickiness, stupidity, and general inferiority of women

NO, NOT REALLY — The Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla confirmed what everybody already knows today when it revealed that boys are genetically superior to girls. “And not just genetically,” says gene ...

Fly away home(less)

City Unveils plans for changes to indoor skydiving facility being converted to homeless center: none

NO, NOT REALLY — Last February , the City of San Diego bought a defunct downtown indoor skydiving facility for $7 million. Critics were quick to criticize the move, saying that the building was totally ...

The old SONGS and dance routine

SDG&E brings in nuclear safety consultant to allay concerns over waste storage.

NO, NOT REALLY — Hi, everybody! My name is Homer Simpson, and I’m a nuclear safety inspector at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant in [REDACTED]. Don’t let the fact that I have yellow skin and ...

Putting Eostre Back in Easter

Traditionally Christian sunrise service at Balboa Park gives way to Vernal Equinox Fertility Ritual

NO, NOT REALLY — “Remember the fuss over the decision to change ‘Christmas on the Prado’ to ‘December Nights’?” asks Sandra Heathen-Druid. “All those people upset about taking Christ out of Christmas. But from the ...

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