Walter Mencken

Articles by Walter Mencken

Gabby DiMarco elected to Beer Ball Hall of Fame on First Ballot

Trevor who?

NO, NOT REALLY - Last January, the Hoff finally made the HoF: ace Padres reliever Trevor Hoffman, whose 601 saves are second only to Mariano Rivera, appeared on 79.9 percent of the ballots cast by ...

San Diego State debuts new Spirit Leader

From Monty Montezuma to Alejandro Aztec

San Diego State University President Randy Rush today addressed the ongoing controversy surrounding the former mascot for the school’s athletic competitions. While the great marority of students, faculty, and alumnae favored maintaining a human Azetc ...

Garbage Fire wins silver

San Diego's surprise showing at 2018 Literalympics

NO, NOT REALLY - From the judges’ comments: “San Diego is not a city known for grand idiomatic gestures, so it was a welcome surprise to see it stage an actual garbage fire in a ...

Siren song

Sunset Cliffs mermaid decoy proves effective lure for Lovecraftian Elder God

NO, NOT REALLY — “Well, now we know why someone placed a fake mermaid on the rocks off Sunset Cliffs,” says San Diego Fish & Game’s head of code enforcement Howard Phillips. “She proved to ...

Coast Guard seizes over 5000 pounds of cocaine

Agency’s near-record haul represents a full 0.05% of annual import into US

JUST ADORABLE, REALLY — Above, Coast Guard agents in San Diego proudly display palettes of cocaine seized from a boat in international waters off the Central American coast last week. In a related image, right, ...

"Porn has already shown them everything!"

Protestors speak out against San Diego Schools' “woefully inadequate” sexual education program

NO, NOT REALLY — “Thanks to PornHub.com, 12-year-old kids already know about fisting, felching, scat play, trannys, grannys, Georgy Porgy Orgies, and all the rest of it,” laments concerned mother Chastity Rose (above right) as ...

San Diego, America's Finest Drone Zone

Well, one of ten selected by the FAA, anyway

NO, NOT REALLY: Your daughter, shielding her face from a peeping drone (shadow in upper left corner). “Soon, this sort of thing will be a thing of the past,” says Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao. “The ...

The Kardashian Konundrum

DAtfight breaks out at debate

NO, NOT REALLY — Interim DA Summer Stephan: “People should rise through their chain from deputy public defender to becoming a trusted team leader and making reforms that way, rather than really what is the ...

Win/Loss, Gwynn/Gloss

Tony Gwynn statue at Petco Park altered

NO, NOT REALLY: What’s in a name? “Some people are calling it an act of vandalism that dishonors the memory of a champion,” says Padres General Manager B.J. Stellar. “But it’s important not to get ...

Get $5 off any Reader event

Sign up for our email list to get your promo code

Close