Walter Mencken

Articles by Walter Mencken

Science: girls have cooties

New research out of Salk Institute finds genetic, gender-based source of the ickiness, stupidity, and general inferiority of women

NO, NOT REALLY — The Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla confirmed what everybody already knows today when it revealed that boys are genetically superior to girls. “And not just genetically,” says gene ...

Fly away home(less)

City Unveils plans for changes to indoor skydiving facility being converted to homeless center: none

NO, NOT REALLY — Last February , the City of San Diego bought a defunct downtown indoor skydiving facility for $7 million. Critics were quick to criticize the move, saying that the building was totally ...

The old SONGS and dance routine

SDG&E brings in nuclear safety consultant to allay concerns over waste storage.

NO, NOT REALLY — Hi, everybody! My name is Homer Simpson, and I’m a nuclear safety inspector at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant in [REDACTED]. Don’t let the fact that I have yellow skin and ...

Putting Eostre Back in Easter

Traditionally Christian sunrise service at Balboa Park gives way to Vernal Equinox Fertility Ritual

NO, NOT REALLY — “Remember the fuss over the decision to change ‘Christmas on the Prado’ to ‘December Nights’?” asks Sandra Heathen-Druid. “All those people upset about taking Christ out of Christmas. But from the ...

A bridge (joke) too far

Padres threaten to end it all with new radio network over insensitive tweet

NO, NOT REALLY — Kevin Whine, the new host of 97.3’s “Mo-Sho” morning show, just wanted to make a good impression upon his arrival from San Francisco. “The City had just come out with this ...

Trump begins construction on Border Wall

"I'm a man of my word."

NO, NOT REALLY — On March 25, President Trump tweeted that “work will start immediately” on the Great Border Wall. Few people believed him, but fewer still could have predicted that later that same day, ...

San Diego's debt to Bob Filner

An almost factual review of 2017

[Walter Mencken stands at a podium in the basement conference room of Cheetahs Gentlemen’s Club in Kearny Mesa and addresses his audience, a group of men reclining at table.] Good evening, gentlemen! Well, men, anyway. ...

Breaking up is hard to do

At least the Charger Girls aren’t heading north also.

Alternative Facts [The scene: the basement of Our Lady of Sorrows church, Mission Valley. A circle of chairs. A despondent array of suffering souls.] Walter Mencken: Hello, everybody. Please sit down. Welcome to Walter Mencken’s ...

Happy Trumpsgiving!

Who wants some crow?

SCENE: The Mencken dining room, Thanksgiving. In attendance are host Walter Mencken, English novelist Evelyn Waugh, writer and critic H.L. Mencken, Pogo Possum, Roman emperor Claudius, writer and humorist James Thurber, writer and agitator Hunter ...

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