Following Chamberman’s announcement, many of the student movement’s protest banners were quickly repurposed for a new campaign. Here, “Free Palestine” and “UC Tuition Funds Genocide” have been altered to address concerns closer to home. “Waste not, want not,” said senior MaryAnn Bleat. “It’s not like we have money for new ones now.”

Over the past few weeks, the UCSD campus has been roiled by passionate pro-Palestinian protestors who have demanded that the school divest from over two dozen companies with financial ties to Israel and/or its ongoing war with Hamas. This week, in a stunning capitulation to the will of the people, the UC Board of Regents voted to do just that, despite the fact that UC Chief Investment Officer Jagdeep Singh Bachher had estimated that $32 billion of the system’s overall assets (nearly one-fifth) would be affected. “Executing this divestment will be difficult, even painful,” said UC Chancellor Norville Chamberman in a Zoom meeting with the entire UC community. “As you all know, Jews control the world economy. So it will be hard for our system recover financially. But sometimes, as these students have shown us, an institution must put principles before profits. We must do the right thing, and reckon with the consequences. We must seek justice and not count the cost. Well, we do have to count some of the costs. Bills to pay and all that. With that in mind, we’re doubling our tuition for the foreseeable future, and also room and board charges. We’re certain that the committed voices who called for this noble action will be happy to do their part — or at least, their parents will — and that those few who did not participate in the protests will understand their obligation to the larger community. Together, we will forge a bright new future here at the University of California.”

“Sometimes, it takes something drastic for people in power to realize both the need for change and the way to make that change happen,” said Pragmatic. “Without these protests, I doubt we ever would have thought to use our campus’s open space for student housing. But these brave kids showed us that they were not only willing to live in tents, but even excited by the prospect. They built a real community within their encampment, sharing the work and sharing their resources. Frankly, I wish things were as good in many of our more traditional dorms.”

UCSD Chancellor Ramesh Pragmatic followed Chamberman’s announcement with one directed specifically at his campus: “As you all know, we have a housing shortage at UCSD, one that has put a tremendous strain on our students and the surrounding community. Some 2000 of our students cannot secure housing on campus. We are taking steps to build more permanent housing, but in the meantime, the great success of the UCSD Encampment has encouraged me to engage in a little of the innovative thinking that has always been a hallmark of our great university. Starting today, we are making all protestors residents of the People’s Palestine Protest Hall, our name for your new home here on campus. Of course, it’s not really a hall, but you’ve shown us all how a committed group with shared values can make a thriving home out of a few tents and tarps. Feel free to set your encampment back up and settle in for the last few weeks before graduation. And don’t worry — we’ll save your spot for next year as well. This has been a trying time for all of us here at UCSD, but it really is true what the say: every crisis is an opportunity. Thank you, thank you.”