Screenshot from the recently announced mod showing heroin-smuggling drone.
  • Screenshot from the recently announced mod showing heroin-smuggling drone.
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On August 12, El Centro teens Jonathan Elias and Brayan Valle pleaded guilty in San Diego federal court to smuggling 28 pounds of heroin over the border from Mexico via personal drone. Just one week later, Rockstar Games honored their achievement by offering a $10 Drone Zone mod for its wildly popular Grand Theft Auto 5 game. The mod will allow players to pilot drones into San Andreas — a fictional stand-in for California — from Narcovia, a clear substitute for Mexico.

"Rockstar had a huge hit with its last smuggling mod, Tunnel Time," says Gamer Guy Sid Entary. "I remember spending whole days scouting locations, organizing labor crews, securing materials, paying off officials, and outfitting the tunnels with power, air, and electric rails. Good times. But you know, everything gets old eventually when it isn't actually making you money. Rockstar knew it was time to come out with something new to tide us over until GTA 6. Lucky for them, there's nothing to do in El Centro, so those two teens were forced to get creative."

Drone-enabled heroin smuggling — in GTA, there's an app for that!

"We're really excited about the Drone Zone," says Rockstar spokesman Ed Jones. "Players will be impressed to see how maneuverability and speed are affected by payload, and they'll have their hands full trying to evade both police helicopters and surface-to-air fire from rival interests. Kudos to those two kids in the desert for bringing us the idea, even accidentally. They may be in jail right now, but when they get out, they can expect a free copy of the mod, complete with their name in the credits as creative consultants."

"And remember, kids, don't smuggle drugs," concluded Jones. "Just pretend to smuggle them. Sort of the way you pretend to torture a dude in GTA's 'By the Book' mission."

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somefreakinguy Aug. 22, 2015 @ 8:48 p.m.

Oh god, this is one of the dumbest things I've ever read on the internet. Not funny, not clever...not even realistic. Maybe take some photoshop classes at the San Diego Library?

Walter Mencken, you're one of the worst kinds of people..the kind that thinks they're hilarious, making everyone around you work to conceal their cringing.


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