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Stories by DJ Stevens

There are bands other than Green Day and Blink 182

And there is no Santa

Dear Hipster: As far as comparative Christmas-ruining is concerned, what would be worse — accidentally telling your four-year-old cousins the truth about Santa Claus or forgetting to get your boy- or girlfriend a Christmas present? ...

Sure-fire way to stop rampant consumerism

An experiment with one family

Dear Hipster: Fair warning, this is not a question. I just want to share with you a holiday tradition, followed by my family, because I think it will appeal to your hipster values. It all ...

Slings, arrows, and naming names

Who are Tim Mays, Sam Chammas, Chuck Patton, Paul Horn, Dave Good?

Dear Hipster: Your list of great albums sucks. You suffer from a lack of taste. Go back to making jokes about mustaches and Cap’n Crunch. — Ethan Hipster: Nice work leaving out Paul’s Boutique, hipster. ...

Spongebob Squarepants is still on TV

The early 2000s can seem at once distant and familiar

Dear Hipster: Here I sit, gazing forlornly at my navel and contemplating the nature of time. What is time? While I can look at the clock and see the second hand tick-tick-tick the day away, ...

Omit the 21st century

Best albums for us

Dear Hipster: Top five desert-island album choices? — Hannah (listening to My Bloody Valentine in Talmadge) I’ve been sitting on this one for a while now, not afraid per se, but reticent to meet this ...

Hook me up to Cap'n Crunch

One food every day for the rest of my life

Dear Hipster: If you had to eat one food every day for the rest of your life, what would it be? — Dan Apparently I’m being forced, most likely at gunpoint or other annihilatory threat, ...

The line between genius and stereotype is just so thin

And a hipster bucket list is a contradiction in terms.

Dear Hipster: What’s the most hipster thing you have done recently? What’s the most hipster thing you have ever done? What’s the most hipster thing you can possibly conceive of doing but have not yet ...

The truth behind mustaches and charity

Weather the criticisms of your friends, buy the drinks

Dear Hipster:My friends and I agreed that we would all participate in Movember this year, each fully committed to grow his bushiest mustache. As a somewhat hirsute gentleman, my mustache has grown well and rapidly, ...

“It’s, like, you know, like....” — maybe this stuttering will disappear

No one predicted the Spanish Inquisition, or neo-swing in the late 1990s

Dear Hipster: A 35-ish man three tables down is talking a great deal to his two table mates. He begins every, and I mean every, sentence with “It’s, like, you know, like....” He repeats the ...

Fake it till you make it

It’s not like life hands out certificates.

Dear Hipster: I like to think of myself as an expert on certain topics. For example, I know more about DC wiring than most electricians, at least, the ones who primarily do residential AC work. ...

Animals do amazing things; people take selfies

They catch salmon, run 40 miles an hour

Dear Hipster: Why can only animals do amazing things, like catch salmon out of the water with their bear hands, fly, run 40 miles per hour on short little legs, smell the ghost of a ...

The world of the tabletop gamer is too intense

Warhammer 40K is not for the dabbler

Dear Hipster: I guess this is a sort of follow-up to your recent commentary on board-gaming, but I want to know where classic tabletop gaming fits into the mix. I’ve been a Warhammer 40K player ...

Glitzy nostalgia porn

That's why Marvel and not DC

Dear Hipster: So, we have Marvel movies and DC movies, both killing it at the box office these days. November will see Justice League and Ragnarok in cinemas at the same time. What I, and ...

Salt Bae, the Eclipse, IT, Cuphead, the Mooch — look for them Halloween

2017 superstars — even if you hated them

Dear Hipster: What are your top selections for Halloween costumes this year? — Sandy It’s once again time to celebrate that greatest of all hipster traditions: elaborate, ironic, pop culturally relevant Halloween costumes! Salt Bae ...

Neither sonnets nor haiku

Limericks showcase your cleverness and irreverence

Dear Hipster, Do you agree with my belief that haiku ought to be the poem of choice in the hipster community? They are simple yet crafty, and the principle of kireji — a sort of ...

I have never met a real life Dave Matthews fan

Some questions shouldn’t be answered

Dear Hipster: Who would win in a fight, Rick Sanchez or Scrooge McDuck? — Allen Some questions just can’t be answered, Allen. You might as well ask: Why is Germany the only country where the ...

The struggle of 50 hours at the office

Make that avocado toast in the day-job lunchroom

Dear Hipster: Is it possible to hold down a 9-to-5 professional career, say, as an accountant with a major international financial services firm, but still be a hipster? — Andy Of course. Nothing’s impossible in ...

Hipster-millennial overlap

Those people who name their children Patterson, Admiral, Dillinger

Dear Hipster: Well, I got a sell-out day-job again — having graduated from occupying reclaimed wood seats in North Park avocado toast & fair trade dens of day-time slack — but I just can’t stop ...

The excuses for loud motorcycles

My money’s on, “They just want to be cool.”

Let’s talk about these super loud motorcycles around town. What the hell?! I’m tired of turning a blind eye, or ear for that matter, to the subject. These guys think they can just blast through ...

Chick lit and nonfiction take themselves seriously

The nagging suspicion that Kafka was just a weirdo

Dear DJ: Lately, I’ve been reading excruciatingly well-researched historical novels set between 1780 and 1820 written by early/mid-20th Century Englishmen: The Poldark novels by Winston Graham, and the Master and Commander series by Patrick O’Brian. ...

Abandoning the screen for cardboard

The combination of craft beer and Connect Four

Dear Hipster: At first, the news that Game of Thrones would not return till 2019 came as a devastating shock to me and the group of friends with whom I gather every week to watch ...

The irrelevance of the Yellow Pages

You might as well not exist

Dear Hipster: Welp, I got the new Yellow Pages the other day. But, why? I feel like it’s the biggest waste of paper in the world. I literally carried it straight from my doorstep to ...

Starbucks client may be working a bold departure from mainstream nonmainstreamism

Or meeting Tinder date

DJ: Here’s a couple of softballs for you: (1) What do you think of an apparent hipster walking past one of the hippest coffee shops in SD to visit a Starbucks? (2) Does living life ...

The subtle distinctions of a five-star rating system no longer apply

The meaninglessness of OMG

Dear Hipster: What’s the deal with adding exclamation marks to everything?! Emails! Texts! They’re everywhere! It’s like everybody is just super excited all the time! When did we start overpunctuating?! — Just an Excitable Boy ...

Polish horseshoes — DIY good clean fun

Capitalizing on ingenuity is lowest of the low

Dear Hipster, I just learned how to play Polish horseshoes this last weekend, and I have to say it’s super fun. Basically, you just hammer some four-foot garden stakes into the ground with about 25 ...

When posting Soundcloud comments about some obscure, terrible trap artist...

... proudly attach your name to whatever sick burn you can come up with.

Dear Hipster: Perhaps you can settle this matter once and for all. If I wrote an inflammatory letter to the editor, is it okay to do so anonymously, or should I attach my name for ...

You want to “do something” about homelessness? Good luck.

The basic dialogue falls inevitably upon deaf ears

Hey D.J., How do hipsters feel about the homeless? — Mr. Stinko de Mayo Himself Like almost everyone, hipsters feel bad for the homeless. But, in keeping with the sentiments of Question 1 (above), I ...

You will be curmudgeons

"We used to put liquid smoke and cardamon in our homebrew..."

Hipster: This question is almost like that summer road trip with the folks as a kid, and the endless questions in the car: “Dad, what would happen if...? What was it like when...? Where do...come ...

Courier — perfect typeface for those making a stand

You want it to look like you wrote it on a typewriter

Dear Hipster: I just wrapped up a summer internship (which went well), but I kept encountering a weird point of contention between myself and the higher-ups. My job involved preparing a lot of memos and ...

Actors who move from Lord of the Rings movie to Marvel movie

There is some connection

Dear Hipster: Have you noticed that anyone who plays some sort of elven royalty in a Lord of the Rings movie goes on to play an ugly-ass villain in a Marvel movie? — Dean Lee ...

Burger of short rib, chuck, and brisket no longer trending

#speedofinternet, anyone?

Hipster: What’s up the #hipsterbooks hagtash on Twitter? Um... it’s “trending”? Also, if I’m at an arts, crafts, & brew place, and I order a $17 burger of short rib, chuck, and brisket from that ...

She’s doing the internet troll thing all wrong by mixing pejoratives

What’s the point of being super tough?

Dear Hipster: How did you feel about that reader calling you a “beta male” (at least by implication) a week or so ago? — Joe Unimpressed. She’s doing the internet troll thing all wrong by ...

August’s main crime is not being July

Plus it's back-to-school month

Dear Hipster, Why does August always seem like such a sad month? — Jules Poor August. Notwithstanding the perpetual, residual back-to-school blues, August’s main crime is, and always has been, not being July. Among months, ...

What I shoulda done during Comic-Con

Talk about having gone there at some point in the quasi-recent past, but now being super over it

DJ: So, exactly what does a hipster do during Comic-Con? — Sam King, San Diego Oh, man. What doesn’t a hipster do during Comic-Con? Avoiding downtown like the plague is always a good start. Nothing ...

Nerds susceptible to ass-kicking at the hands of the Bro

But nerds became $250K-a-year Tech Bros

Dear Hipster: You have compared hipsters and bros in the past, but what about hipsters and nerds? Do hipsters see nerds as allies against the juggernaut of mainstream culture, or are nerds themselves too mainstream ...

Music v. silence when writing

Try Music for Airports or Reflection

Dear Hipster: My writer friends and I differ on what I think is the biggest question of them all, music v. silence when writing. Personally, I require total silence. I have some friends who will ...

Once you get out to Lakeside, it’s more rolling coal in your F-250

And less pedaling your fixie to the farmers’ market

DJ: (1) The ’90s bite also, but I’m thinking there was the rise of “alternative” culture, which has hipsterish strains. The ’70s were cool, but maybe I’m biased from knowing my parents met in a ...

Nonmainstream places to go in August heat

Think of what is not San Diego

Dear Hipster: I know for a fact it’s gonna be hot as balls here in August. I can’t say why. I just have a feeling. What are your top three getaways for scorching-hot hell month, ...

Don't pout about going business casual

Forget the flannel and Chucks

Dear Hipster:I just got a great job, and I can’t complain, but I hate having to go in business-casual. Let’s just say my office is not one of those hipster offices where everybody works around ...

Zucchini is the poké restaurant of the vegetable world

Next year, stuff and fry the blossoms

Dear Hipster: What should I do with all this zucchini that grew in my garden? I don’t think I can eat any more. — Diane Oh, man, it’s totes that time of year, isn’t it? ...

Why we hate the '70s

Short shorts for everyone

Dear Hipster: Why do hipsters like the ’60s and the ’80s but not the ’70s? — Lance Because nobody likes the ’70s. Even if people like stuff from the ’70s — such as Blondie, “Stairway ...

Girl of your dreams — not in an intimidating supermodel way

The hipster girl is more than just an ideal; she is a reality.

Dear Hipster: How might one compare a San Diego hipster to a European hipster? — Janelle As depicted in my new favorite stock photo, “Young Hipster Best Friends Taking a Selfie in Urban City Context ...

Tech bro comes close, but the devil’s in the details

The tech bro is notorious for taking hipster stuff and infusing it with a healthy dose of mainstream turd-factor.

Dear Hipster: About 18 months ago, work brought me down to San Diego from San Francisco. I’m living in Scripps Ranch now, but I rented a little house in South Park when I first moved ...

Inklings of communism, and primitive strains of marijuana

the 1950s Beatnik was absolutely the hipster of his day.

Dear DJ: You write of the east. I am from the east, born in 1957. My parents and their friends were beatniks. As an avid hipster watcher I enjoy reading your recent field guide series. ...

Hipsters love public transit

Just don't expect to see them on a bus at 7 a.m.

Dear Hipster: I just started a new internship downtown, and I ride the bus every day to get there. It’s actually a pretty good deal at $2.25 each way. I can’t help but notice that ...

Doubled initials are a mixed bag as to whether or not they’re cool

Who’s really inspired by the Kardashians?

Dear Hipster: I have two questions for you. They may or may not be questions that only a hipster could answer, but I figured your guess would be as good as mine. First, why do ...

The next über-hip locus will be in the South or the North

Nature abhors a hipster vacuum

Dear Hipster: I’ve been enjoying the hipster town comparisons to San Diego. Now I’m curious: if you didn’t live here, what hipsterville would you call home? Please don’t answer Austin, Brooklyn, or Portland. — G. ...

Food doesn't have to be fancy to be good

Trick even the most unadventurous palate

Dear Hipster: I consider myself a well-above-average cook. I enjoy entertaining and hosting dinners. One particular couple, whom I love, have come over for a few get-togethers in the past, but I stopped inviting them ...

Midwest hipster traditions

Say Milwaukee, think Pabst Blue Ribbon

Dear Hipster: Stop me if you’ve heard this one, or if you aren’t having fun anymore, but what’s the difference between a local SD hipster and a Midwestern hipster, say, from Madison or Milwaukee, Wisconsin. ...

22 shades of hipsterness

No bags, please, just put it in my bicycle panniers

Hipster: People all over town are giving away their hipsterness (or lack thereof) in front of local grocery stores! Since those little plastic bags were banned in California, I’ve noticed that shoppers differ widely in ...

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