Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Joy Division Unknown Pleasures meets Jack Black from High Fidelity-type character

Run over and scream “SHE’S LOST CONTROL!” into his face

Unknown Pleasures, unknown songs
Unknown Pleasures, unknown songs

Dear Hipster:

I have a co-worker named Cliff who is quite the hipster. He drinks good local coffee, he eats locally sourced food, he even rides a cool older bike with Italian parts on it. He knows obscure movies and has good taste in music. The guy is even a yoga instructor! Some of the guys at work have even taped the “Ask a Hipster” illustration onto his locker. However, Cliff has gotten himself into a bit of a situation. I’m pretty sure hipsters are annoyed by the trend of the younger generation wearing band shirts when they are not familiar with the music. Cliff has a cool Joy Division shirt he wears from time to time. It’s the one with the squiggly lines on it. [That would be Unknown Pleasures – Ed.] Well, I guess the other day he was grocery shopping at some artisan grocery (luckily not his local) while wearing the shirt. As he was checking out, the aging punker-type grocery cashier went there! “Cool shirt, what’s your favorite song on that album?” Poor Cliff got caught with his skinny jeans down! I’m pretty sure he actually owns a few Joy Division records, but for some reason, he couldn’t answer! Perhaps he was tired from a long day. He could have never expected to be ambushed like that. Of course, the contempt was laid on thick by the cashier, and poor Cliff was paralyzed with embarrassment. So the question is, what should he do now? Going back in could be dangerous. What if we are dealing with a Jack Black from High Fidelity-type character? I don’t want to see poor Cliff’s hipster identity damaged even further. Please help!

Sponsored
Sponsored

— Christopher

You want to know the saddest part of this whole story? I have spent way more time than you might expect trying to come up with a clever Joy Division joke, but there’s really nothing funny about Joy Division. I wanted to come up with a joke because I really wanted to soften the blow here for Cliff, because there’s no good way out of this predicament. Sure, Cliff could roll up into the store, spot the same clerk, run over and scream “SHE’S LOST CONTROL!” into his face, and then flee before Mr. Sassy Clerk Man can tempt Cliff into admitting Grace Jones did it better. But the sassy clerk will still (correctly) assume that Cliff went out and asked some hipster for help naming Joy Division songs.

The only way out of this one is to beat the clerk at his own game. Cliff needs to contract a graphic designer to create a t-shirt displaying a fake album by a fake band; or maybe a fake album by a real band, which might be even more duplicitous. Whatever he does, it needs to be super convincing. He needs to wear that shirt to the store with the sassy clerk, who will eventually be unable to resist acting like he knows a thing or two about the fictional album. He won’t be able to resist the opportunity to burn Cliff twice. And when he asks about favorite songs on the fake album, Cliff can casually deliver any one of the following sick burns:

“The one about the guy who didn’t recognize a fake [insert band here] shirt when he saw one.”

“What? Oh. Yeah. I guess not everyone gets it. It’s pretty obscure.”

Or.

“Bwaaahahahaaaa dude, seriously?”

Then he can consider the score officially settled. Otherwise, he probably should never go back to that store again.

— DJ Stevens

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Change is constant in our fisheries

Yellowfin still biting well
Next Article

Halloween opera style

Faust is the quintessential example
Unknown Pleasures, unknown songs
Unknown Pleasures, unknown songs

Dear Hipster:

I have a co-worker named Cliff who is quite the hipster. He drinks good local coffee, he eats locally sourced food, he even rides a cool older bike with Italian parts on it. He knows obscure movies and has good taste in music. The guy is even a yoga instructor! Some of the guys at work have even taped the “Ask a Hipster” illustration onto his locker. However, Cliff has gotten himself into a bit of a situation. I’m pretty sure hipsters are annoyed by the trend of the younger generation wearing band shirts when they are not familiar with the music. Cliff has a cool Joy Division shirt he wears from time to time. It’s the one with the squiggly lines on it. [That would be Unknown Pleasures – Ed.] Well, I guess the other day he was grocery shopping at some artisan grocery (luckily not his local) while wearing the shirt. As he was checking out, the aging punker-type grocery cashier went there! “Cool shirt, what’s your favorite song on that album?” Poor Cliff got caught with his skinny jeans down! I’m pretty sure he actually owns a few Joy Division records, but for some reason, he couldn’t answer! Perhaps he was tired from a long day. He could have never expected to be ambushed like that. Of course, the contempt was laid on thick by the cashier, and poor Cliff was paralyzed with embarrassment. So the question is, what should he do now? Going back in could be dangerous. What if we are dealing with a Jack Black from High Fidelity-type character? I don’t want to see poor Cliff’s hipster identity damaged even further. Please help!

Sponsored
Sponsored

— Christopher

You want to know the saddest part of this whole story? I have spent way more time than you might expect trying to come up with a clever Joy Division joke, but there’s really nothing funny about Joy Division. I wanted to come up with a joke because I really wanted to soften the blow here for Cliff, because there’s no good way out of this predicament. Sure, Cliff could roll up into the store, spot the same clerk, run over and scream “SHE’S LOST CONTROL!” into his face, and then flee before Mr. Sassy Clerk Man can tempt Cliff into admitting Grace Jones did it better. But the sassy clerk will still (correctly) assume that Cliff went out and asked some hipster for help naming Joy Division songs.

The only way out of this one is to beat the clerk at his own game. Cliff needs to contract a graphic designer to create a t-shirt displaying a fake album by a fake band; or maybe a fake album by a real band, which might be even more duplicitous. Whatever he does, it needs to be super convincing. He needs to wear that shirt to the store with the sassy clerk, who will eventually be unable to resist acting like he knows a thing or two about the fictional album. He won’t be able to resist the opportunity to burn Cliff twice. And when he asks about favorite songs on the fake album, Cliff can casually deliver any one of the following sick burns:

“The one about the guy who didn’t recognize a fake [insert band here] shirt when he saw one.”

“What? Oh. Yeah. I guess not everyone gets it. It’s pretty obscure.”

Or.

“Bwaaahahahaaaa dude, seriously?”

Then he can consider the score officially settled. Otherwise, he probably should never go back to that store again.

— DJ Stevens

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Please enjoy this clickable Reader flipbook. Linked text and ads are flash-highlighted in blue for your convenience. To enhance your viewing, please open full screen mode by clicking the icon on the far right of the black flipbook toolbar.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Pranksters vandalize Padres billboard in wake of playoff loss

Where’s the bat at?
Next Article

Egglet griddles up sweet Korean street toast

University City counter shop does breakfast sandwiches and eggy burgers
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader