4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

How to deal with a frenemy

And, of course your parents don’t know how to use Facetime

Dear Hipster:

I have a pretty tight circle of friends, one of whom, who I don’t consider a close friend, exhibits some pretty disreputable behavior. Basically, he never has anything nice to say about anyone, provided the targets of his negativity aren’t around. For example, if I’m hanging out with the Jerk and Friend A, the Jerk will be talking smack about Friend B, but when Friend B is around and Friend A isn’t, Mr. Jerk will be filled with negativity about Friend A. I’m pretty sure my various friends have no idea the Jerk says nasty stuff about them when they aren’t around. Personally, I’m uncomfortable with the whole thing, since I don’t care for shit-talking, but I don’t know what to do. Should I say something to the guy? How do I deal with a frenemy?

— Darren

I’m torn. We hipsters have a complicated relationship with negativity. For example, it’s not uncommon for hipsters to hatewatch an entire season of television just so they can stockpile a barrage of disparaging comments for later entertaining their hipster friends. You’re not a proper hipster till you’ve hated the majority of popular music (and ironically liked a select minority), and sharing disdain for mainstream crap is well documented as the most direct means of earning a fellow hipster’s trust.

I’d like to take credit for this as a purely hipster invention, but at least one major study published by university academics suggests that people bond more strongly over a shared dislike of a third party than they might over a mutual interest in, say, Jonathan Safran Foer novels or, at the very least, pretending to like Jonathan Safran Foer novels. That particular finding may be darker than a total blackout at a Joy Division concert during a new moon, but it puts your frenemy’s behavior into perspective. Trying to be friends with everyone by exploiting the common ground of mutual hatred is probably more insecure than nefarious. What that says about us as humans is up for debate, and whether you choose to spend time with someone who has nothing positive to contribute is up to you. Rest assured, something with nothing nice to say about anyone has nothing nice to say about you. Perhaps simply downgrade the friendship from “Pinkerton” to “Green Album” on the Weezer scale of cherishment?

Dear Hipster:

Hipsters are good at technology, right? How can I teach my parents to use Facetime properly? Every time I put them on to talk to my kids (we live far away), it’s like talking to a bunch of shadows and foreheads, and I get really frustrated.

— Madison

You correctly assume your parents don’t know how to use Facetime “properly.” You err in your assumption that they give even the faintest of shits. Asking them to conform to arbitrary standards for socially acceptable mobile technology use is like asking your hipster friends to commit phone numbers to memory or balance their checkbooks by hand. At best, they will look at you like you’re wearing a PETA shirt and eating a BLT, and they will ask, “Why?”

You have no good answer other than, “Because it annoys me.” Instead, demonstrate tolerance to your children. Someday they’ll do the same for you when you’re still using Instagram long after the world has collectively moved on.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

The Carpetbaggers part two: Elizabeth Ashley makes her screen debut

Of all the women who figure into Jonas’ life, she is the only one who isn’t a prostitute.
Next Article

Robert Graves: among the best poetry in English literature

A novelist, and classicist best known for I, Claudius (1934) and its sequel, Claudius the God

Dear Hipster:

I have a pretty tight circle of friends, one of whom, who I don’t consider a close friend, exhibits some pretty disreputable behavior. Basically, he never has anything nice to say about anyone, provided the targets of his negativity aren’t around. For example, if I’m hanging out with the Jerk and Friend A, the Jerk will be talking smack about Friend B, but when Friend B is around and Friend A isn’t, Mr. Jerk will be filled with negativity about Friend A. I’m pretty sure my various friends have no idea the Jerk says nasty stuff about them when they aren’t around. Personally, I’m uncomfortable with the whole thing, since I don’t care for shit-talking, but I don’t know what to do. Should I say something to the guy? How do I deal with a frenemy?

— Darren

I’m torn. We hipsters have a complicated relationship with negativity. For example, it’s not uncommon for hipsters to hatewatch an entire season of television just so they can stockpile a barrage of disparaging comments for later entertaining their hipster friends. You’re not a proper hipster till you’ve hated the majority of popular music (and ironically liked a select minority), and sharing disdain for mainstream crap is well documented as the most direct means of earning a fellow hipster’s trust.

I’d like to take credit for this as a purely hipster invention, but at least one major study published by university academics suggests that people bond more strongly over a shared dislike of a third party than they might over a mutual interest in, say, Jonathan Safran Foer novels or, at the very least, pretending to like Jonathan Safran Foer novels. That particular finding may be darker than a total blackout at a Joy Division concert during a new moon, but it puts your frenemy’s behavior into perspective. Trying to be friends with everyone by exploiting the common ground of mutual hatred is probably more insecure than nefarious. What that says about us as humans is up for debate, and whether you choose to spend time with someone who has nothing positive to contribute is up to you. Rest assured, something with nothing nice to say about anyone has nothing nice to say about you. Perhaps simply downgrade the friendship from “Pinkerton” to “Green Album” on the Weezer scale of cherishment?

Dear Hipster:

Hipsters are good at technology, right? How can I teach my parents to use Facetime properly? Every time I put them on to talk to my kids (we live far away), it’s like talking to a bunch of shadows and foreheads, and I get really frustrated.

— Madison

You correctly assume your parents don’t know how to use Facetime “properly.” You err in your assumption that they give even the faintest of shits. Asking them to conform to arbitrary standards for socially acceptable mobile technology use is like asking your hipster friends to commit phone numbers to memory or balance their checkbooks by hand. At best, they will look at you like you’re wearing a PETA shirt and eating a BLT, and they will ask, “Why?”

You have no good answer other than, “Because it annoys me.” Instead, demonstrate tolerance to your children. Someday they’ll do the same for you when you’re still using Instagram long after the world has collectively moved on.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Motherhood unvarnished: Andrea Yates, Prozac, Pine Valley

Crown Point, barf city, miscarriage, Legoland, how big I am, emptied breasts
Next Article

San Diego City Clerk attacked in re-tweet

VA San Diego doctors accidentally overpaid?
Comments
0

Be the first to leave a comment.

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close