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Ralph + Advil = “Radvil”

Kwillipers would be a pretty cool name for a cat

Primo portmanteau
Primo portmanteau

Dear Hipster:

Please pass along these cat name suggestions to Tyler from this last week’s column. Remember, he was torn between human names and nouns. He can have both by using your suggestion of descriptive nonsense words. So Dennis + Chicken = “Denkens”, or my personal favorite Ralph + Advil = “Radvil” Actually, isn’t this name listed in the hipster dictionary? Could it be that it is so hip that it’s actually turned the corner to un-hip? Stay cool.

— Michele

Yes. This. Totally this. I’m not even mad that I missed the opportunity to suggest such a marvelous portmanteau solution myself, because these are the moments when I feel as if my labors have not been in vain. Week in, week out, I strive to educate the masses on the art and science of all that is hipster. Too often, in the depths of my conceitedness, I wonder if my teachings will ever take root, then burst into magnificent flower, and eventually bear delicious but obscure fruit. And then I receive a letter like this, where one of my fantastic readers wildly exceeds my hopes, dreams, and expectations. Truly, the students have become like the master.

As for Radvil, other than being plumb near the dopest name for a kitty cat one could imagine, a quick survey of the world as we know it turns up only one historical mention of “Radvil,” in connection with an obscure dynasty of Hasidic Jews in 19th-century Ukraine. I guess since even I’ve never heard of that, it counts as hipster. For the sake of completeness here, I’m willing to stretch my knowledge of 19th-century Ukrainian pronunciation way beyond its limits and conclude “Radvil” was probably pronounced more like rad-VEEL. However, take that with a grain of salt, since I’m trying to stretch knowledge that, if you want to get technical about it, doesn’t really exist in the first place.

It’s actually more impressive to find something that has shown up exactly once in all of history than it would be to think of something that had never shown up at all. After all, lots of things don’t exist. Take grinterstism for example. That’s not a thing. The same goes for planderschnatz, fontillity, and kwillipers. None of those are things, either — but I have to say that kwillipers would be a pretty cool name for a cat, although not as cool as Denkens or Radvil. Either way, I don’t think it’s actually listed in the hipster dictionary, or at least it wasn’t until you brought it up, so now it’s definitely going in there.

But perhaps you were thinking of Radwood, which is an annual event celebrating the 1980s and 1990s generally — and the cars and fashion of those hipsterest of times in particular. Radwood is the one place where people who simultaneously qualify as both hipsters and gearheads (admittedly a pretty darn narrow and specialist clique) can feel truly at home. If you’ve been looking for an opportunity to dust off your collection of vintage B.U.M. Equipment windbreakers and put a few miles on your otherwise pristine 38,000-mile 1991 Honda Prelude, this would be the get together for you. As a bonus, if you can consider it a bonus, attendees probably have a roughly 10/10 chance of hearing “Whoomp! (There It Is)” at some point.

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Primo portmanteau
Primo portmanteau

Dear Hipster:

Please pass along these cat name suggestions to Tyler from this last week’s column. Remember, he was torn between human names and nouns. He can have both by using your suggestion of descriptive nonsense words. So Dennis + Chicken = “Denkens”, or my personal favorite Ralph + Advil = “Radvil” Actually, isn’t this name listed in the hipster dictionary? Could it be that it is so hip that it’s actually turned the corner to un-hip? Stay cool.

— Michele

Yes. This. Totally this. I’m not even mad that I missed the opportunity to suggest such a marvelous portmanteau solution myself, because these are the moments when I feel as if my labors have not been in vain. Week in, week out, I strive to educate the masses on the art and science of all that is hipster. Too often, in the depths of my conceitedness, I wonder if my teachings will ever take root, then burst into magnificent flower, and eventually bear delicious but obscure fruit. And then I receive a letter like this, where one of my fantastic readers wildly exceeds my hopes, dreams, and expectations. Truly, the students have become like the master.

As for Radvil, other than being plumb near the dopest name for a kitty cat one could imagine, a quick survey of the world as we know it turns up only one historical mention of “Radvil,” in connection with an obscure dynasty of Hasidic Jews in 19th-century Ukraine. I guess since even I’ve never heard of that, it counts as hipster. For the sake of completeness here, I’m willing to stretch my knowledge of 19th-century Ukrainian pronunciation way beyond its limits and conclude “Radvil” was probably pronounced more like rad-VEEL. However, take that with a grain of salt, since I’m trying to stretch knowledge that, if you want to get technical about it, doesn’t really exist in the first place.

It’s actually more impressive to find something that has shown up exactly once in all of history than it would be to think of something that had never shown up at all. After all, lots of things don’t exist. Take grinterstism for example. That’s not a thing. The same goes for planderschnatz, fontillity, and kwillipers. None of those are things, either — but I have to say that kwillipers would be a pretty cool name for a cat, although not as cool as Denkens or Radvil. Either way, I don’t think it’s actually listed in the hipster dictionary, or at least it wasn’t until you brought it up, so now it’s definitely going in there.

But perhaps you were thinking of Radwood, which is an annual event celebrating the 1980s and 1990s generally — and the cars and fashion of those hipsterest of times in particular. Radwood is the one place where people who simultaneously qualify as both hipsters and gearheads (admittedly a pretty darn narrow and specialist clique) can feel truly at home. If you’ve been looking for an opportunity to dust off your collection of vintage B.U.M. Equipment windbreakers and put a few miles on your otherwise pristine 38,000-mile 1991 Honda Prelude, this would be the get together for you. As a bonus, if you can consider it a bonus, attendees probably have a roughly 10/10 chance of hearing “Whoomp! (There It Is)” at some point.

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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