Almost Factual News


Report: Silvio Berlusconi eyeing run for San Diego Mayor

Former Italian Prime Minister says he "likes his chances, especially considering the creep who's currently in office."

According to Google, "brancolare" is Italian for "grope." "I may have paid women - even underage women - for sex ...

Existence of Higgs boson particle confirmed

Particle renamed Filner-Higgs boson in honor of Mayor who led to sigma 5 level of certainty regarding the so-called god particle

Large Hadron Collider technician: "We weren't 100% sure the particle existed, but then it started calling for Mayor Filner to ...

In wake of Hooters ban on Filner, Tilted Kilt extends invitation to embattled Mayor

"Past mistakes? We don't give a hoot!"

"The Mayor said he's committed to changing," said The Tilted Kilt Brand Manager Minnie Scertt in a press release. "He ...

In wake of banning Mayor Filner, Hooters restaurant renames itself "Breasts"

Brand Manager Caesar Canz: "Women deserve respect, not slang."

More complete moniker "Breasts 'n Buttocks" rejected because of "possibly unsavory associations for a food-service establishment." "We are here ...

Filner responds to latest accusation

Repentant Mayor pauses intensive counseling session to issue statement: "I'm a Democrat. I was only doing what Democrats have always done to Marilyn Monroe." "Where do you think I learned the Filner headlock?" Responding to charges from Marilyn Monroe impersonator Emily Gilbert that ...

Dinosaur rampages through downtown San Diego, killing dozens

Emergency SWAT team unable to respond to threat of hungry Tyrannosaur: "Under current Strong Mayor guidelines, we have to await the mayor's green light before taking action, and he just wasn't reachable during his counseling."

Distraught dad of digested daughter: "I certainly hope Mayor Filner's behavioral therapy sessions prove fruitful and he returns to work ...

Emperor Tibobius in exile

Debauched monarch vows to return "a better man, a better ruler, and most importantly, a better lover. When I come back, I'll be so smooth that they won't even know they were harassed."

Pictured: Tibobius in his island retreat, preparing to receive instruction that will improve his game. Neil Strauss, noted author of ...

God Himself attempts to prevent Mayor Filner from taking leave of office

Microphone failure clear indication of Divine Will

"Lord, let your public servant go in peace..."

Jan Goldsmith's "Hair": "Bob Filner sexually harassed me."

Sentient symbiotic organism breaks silence, comes forward with story of "inappropriate touching" and "degrading comments."

"Of course, I realized that my testimony would likely be seen as suspect, given my close relationship with City Attorney ...

NBC 7 Microphone: "Bob Filner sexually harassed me."

Normally inanimate object comes forward with story of Mayoral misbehavior

Gloria Allred: "Bob Filner sexually harassed me."

Attorney for woman bringing sexual harassment suit against Bob Filner comes forward with story of her own.

This is getting ridiculous. "As I made clear in my initial press conference," says Gloria Allred, attorney for Irene McCormack ...

Mayor Filner responds to Taylor Baldwin's on-air claim, "He made me feel cheap."

"I need help. I make terrible jokes all the time."

On July 14, the Reader's website published a transcribed account of a UT-TV Prime Time with Taylor Baldwin segment in ...

New UC head Janet Napolitano: "I believe the children are the future... of homeland security."

Former Secretary of Homeland Security makes first statement since confirmation as new head of UC system

"Who knows which young person at a UC school might be working on the next PRISM right now? I sure ...

Faulconer and Gloria visit Fantasy Island

Did we say visit? Hell, they run the place!

Papa Doug Manchester buys Playboy Enterprises for $400 million

Papa Doug: "Hugh who?"

Local mogul indulges fondness for failing print media properties, also promises string of Playboy hotels nationwide. "I showed up ...

Mencken for Mayor

The Mayor San Diego deserves. A Mayor you can believe in. A Mayor who is not afraid to tell the truth, even if he has to make stuff up to do it.

Not to be outdone by Jersey Joe's, San Diego's New York Giant Slice Pizza offers "hot lesbian action" via restaurant's webcam

"You can watch Jersey Joe jerk it, or you can see something you actually wanna see."

Jersey Joe, owner of Jersey Joe's Pizza in the College area, was recently caught masturbating in the kitchen of his ...

WWE superstar James Storm distances himself from Filner Headlock

"I'm all about using the Mayor's signature headlock to humiliate the opposition," says Storm, "but Filner was using it on his own team. That's cold."

Mayor's Office flooded with panties

Outraged opponents mail over 3000 pairs of ladies' undergarments to Mayor in response to Irene McCormack Jackson's allegation that he suggested she work "without panties."

Faulconer: "There's a land called France, where the naked ladies dance..."

"...which is probably why Bob Filner took a trip there!"

"I mean, we don't know, because the Mayor isn't talking about it. But we're talking about it. Oh yes, we ...

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