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New UC head Janet Napolitano: "I believe the children are the future... of homeland security."

Former Secretary of Homeland Security makes first statement since confirmation as new head of UC system

"Who knows which young person at a UC school might be working on the next PRISM right now? I sure don't - but I will!"

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New UC Magistrix Napolitano

DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF THE GEISEL BUNKER, ER, LIBRARY - "Young people tend to have more freedom than their elders," said Napolitano as she laid out her vision for her new job. "Mostly because they have less to lose. So when we tell them to let us know if they hear their parents expressing anti-American opinions, we're tapping into their desire to keep and maintain the freedoms they hold so dear. And in the age of selfies and cell phones, they really don't see any reason to object to dorm room webcams that feed directly to our surveillance, I mean, security centers at the University of California headquarters. They understand that while Facebook is free, freedom isn't. It has to be paid for - with freedom. It's just that sort of paradox that they'll investigate during their years at the University of California - thanks to their Little Red Student Handbooks."

Speaking about UC San Diego in particular, Napolitano praised the school's past collaborations with defense contractors such as General Dynamics. "UCSD is helping students to achieve the technical skills they'll need to overcome more humanistic tendencies, such as love and autonomy. Their engineers understand that sharing is caring, which is why citizens need to share their so-called "private lives" via overhead drone cams. It's an exciting time. I look forward to leading California's students into this brave new world of tomorrow."

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Dahmer's Diner, Nico, Deadheads, Paul Williams

Goth rock, Moby Grape on the street, Elvis in 1977, Stone Temple fracas, Charles McPherson, flamenco insiders

"Who knows which young person at a UC school might be working on the next PRISM right now? I sure don't - but I will!"

None

New UC Magistrix Napolitano

DEEP IN THE BOWELS OF THE GEISEL BUNKER, ER, LIBRARY - "Young people tend to have more freedom than their elders," said Napolitano as she laid out her vision for her new job. "Mostly because they have less to lose. So when we tell them to let us know if they hear their parents expressing anti-American opinions, we're tapping into their desire to keep and maintain the freedoms they hold so dear. And in the age of selfies and cell phones, they really don't see any reason to object to dorm room webcams that feed directly to our surveillance, I mean, security centers at the University of California headquarters. They understand that while Facebook is free, freedom isn't. It has to be paid for - with freedom. It's just that sort of paradox that they'll investigate during their years at the University of California - thanks to their Little Red Student Handbooks."

Speaking about UC San Diego in particular, Napolitano praised the school's past collaborations with defense contractors such as General Dynamics. "UCSD is helping students to achieve the technical skills they'll need to overcome more humanistic tendencies, such as love and autonomy. Their engineers understand that sharing is caring, which is why citizens need to share their so-called "private lives" via overhead drone cams. It's an exciting time. I look forward to leading California's students into this brave new world of tomorrow."

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Comments
3

Hhahahahhaha

July 24, 2013

Outstanding!

July 24, 2013

Aside from the spying thing, I'm into the irony of our Regents appointing the biggest deporter of Mexicans in our history to be head of California's university system -- at the moment when Latinos in our state have surpassed the 50% population mark. I also appreciate Regents' attention to gender equity. They are paying Napolitano, the first woman president of the UC system, in the $500,000/year range, while her male predecessor Mark Yudoff took home more than $800,000. Nice going, deciders!

July 24, 2013

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