4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

The limited stylings of Clutch Cargo

If you don't know a Clutch Cargo from a manual transmission, please watch a minute or two of the following to bring you up to speed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAo8-YmVlN8

Atrocious, isn't it? This isn't limited animation, it's dead! Compared to Gumby, Clutch and company look pokey.

Bugs and Clutch, the first cartoon hosts to infect me with terminal anthropomorphosis. Nowadays, when animated characters stand frozen in mid-frame, only their lips moving, they call it anime and festivals wheel out the awards cart. Funny how quality used to have a way of standing out from the pack. Back then, every 3-year-old knew to expect more movement from a broken clothes dryer than a Clutch Cargo cartoon.

Bugs made me laugh, but no so Clutch. At least not initially. Before I was able to grasp the awe inspiring awfulness of producer Clark Haas's movement-atrophying Synchro-Vox technique, the lantern-jawed giant, who shared the same taste in lipstick as my Aunt Fay, scared the bejesus out of me. Where did I come off identifying with a rugged, Aryan adventurer/tranny who spoke in disembodied tones and enjoyed the company of an underage boy and his wiener dog?

Clark Haas, as in Clark Haas no budget, had to work fast and cheap in order to survive on television. Borrowing his cameraman Edwin Gillette's concept of superimposing human lips over motionless cels, Haas came up with Synchro-Vox. Each cliff-hanging episode was broken into five four-minute installments to run daily on locally produced children's programs.

I have often wondered what became of Clutch in the years since the show left the air. Cargo's agent tried to arrange a cameo in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but Zemeckis' agent wouldn't return his calls. There was talk of a big screen 3D reboot with Lisa Rinna acting as Clutch's mouthpiece, but there isn't a lens wide enough to make that happen.

What follows are my findings and a few Photoshopped items from the archives.

None

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

Dead bodies pile up at Tijuana's Semefo

More than 270 corpses moved to Juarez neighborhood start to smell
Next Article

Superficial pursuit of a sociopathic narcissist

As I Lay Dying, Trishes, Cultgabe, Bloodstone the Street Preacher, Ashes of Fate

If you don't know a Clutch Cargo from a manual transmission, please watch a minute or two of the following to bring you up to speed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAo8-YmVlN8

Atrocious, isn't it? This isn't limited animation, it's dead! Compared to Gumby, Clutch and company look pokey.

Bugs and Clutch, the first cartoon hosts to infect me with terminal anthropomorphosis. Nowadays, when animated characters stand frozen in mid-frame, only their lips moving, they call it anime and festivals wheel out the awards cart. Funny how quality used to have a way of standing out from the pack. Back then, every 3-year-old knew to expect more movement from a broken clothes dryer than a Clutch Cargo cartoon.

Bugs made me laugh, but no so Clutch. At least not initially. Before I was able to grasp the awe inspiring awfulness of producer Clark Haas's movement-atrophying Synchro-Vox technique, the lantern-jawed giant, who shared the same taste in lipstick as my Aunt Fay, scared the bejesus out of me. Where did I come off identifying with a rugged, Aryan adventurer/tranny who spoke in disembodied tones and enjoyed the company of an underage boy and his wiener dog?

Clark Haas, as in Clark Haas no budget, had to work fast and cheap in order to survive on television. Borrowing his cameraman Edwin Gillette's concept of superimposing human lips over motionless cels, Haas came up with Synchro-Vox. Each cliff-hanging episode was broken into five four-minute installments to run daily on locally produced children's programs.

I have often wondered what became of Clutch in the years since the show left the air. Cargo's agent tried to arrange a cameo in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, but Zemeckis' agent wouldn't return his calls. There was talk of a big screen 3D reboot with Lisa Rinna acting as Clutch's mouthpiece, but there isn't a lens wide enough to make that happen.

What follows are my findings and a few Photoshopped items from the archives.

None

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Comments
1

The Adolf mustache made me do a Danny Thomas spittake... damn, that's funny!

Another postcard with Clutch Cargo promotional material:

http://bedazzled.blogs.com/bedazzled/2008/10/clutch-cargo-pr.html

July 24, 2013

Sign in to comment

Sign in

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town Letters — Our inbox [email protected] — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close