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City Pension Fund Is Only 58 Percent Funded, Council Will Learn Tomorrow. Will It and Mayor Listen?
How to return $15 million to the budget immediately: 1. Stop giving the Chargers over $5 million in annual city subsidies. 2. Stop giving the Padres over $10 million in annual city subsidies. This money should be enough to fund at least a few of the closing libraries and recreational centers. Best, Fred Williams— November 12, 2008 10:36 a.m.
Crappucino
Julie, I still have claw marks from your bird the other night at Golden Hall. Why haven't you called? You said you'd respect me in the morning...— November 8, 2008 7:04 a.m.
Letters
When Josh arrived, his girlfriend was already nagging him. "Why aren't you as good a writer as Ollie? And Robert Lowth says you start sentences with conjunctions." "Leave me alone. I just want to get some free drinks from the Republicans." "Something's happening. What are those people doing?" Where the world's ugliest water sculpture spills foamy chlorinated brine over what looks like prison walls into a septic pool, two groups of campaign supporters were shouting and waving signs. "We want Richard Head!" "We want Rection" The two mobs moved closer, shouting their candidate's names." "Dick Head! Dick Head! Dick Head!" "Hugh G. Rection! Hugh G. Rection!" A Head supporter swung first. In a moment fists were flying, blood was spurting from broken noses, and Josh Board was smacked upside the head by a sign-wielding granny. "You little..." The old lady bolted. Josh followed. "You, hold it right there or I'll shoot!" A steroid pumped police man held his .45 colt straight out, covering Josh. "I'm innocent!" Josh's hands shot up. "This one's for Sarah Palin, you liberal!" "No!" Josh slumped to the concrete. The campaigners scattered. Police, security, and secret service agents converged on Josh, guns drawn. "Watch it. I think he's a socialist." "Stay down, scum bag!" "We're members of the Police Officers Association, so we better not find out you voted!" Josh tried to pull off his "I Voted" sticker, missing a large chunk of his upper arm. "Stop moving!" "Stop resisting!" "I'll shoot again!" Josh's girlfriend returned to the scene arm in arm with Ollie. "Dude," said Ollie, "you only get arrested if the cops have a good reason. Hey, babe. Let's go back to my place and watch some T.V." Josh was cuffed and carried to the back of a squad car, where he banged his head on the glass until he was finally subdued with pepper spray and Taser shocks. As the cruiser pulled away, Obama supporters let out a mighty roar. Cars honked. The cops looked grim, seething in anticipation of the revenge beating they would give to the punk in custody, while Josh groaned in the back seat. It took the the Reader almost two days to get Josh released, so the Golden Hall crasher story may be a little late. But be sure, when it comes out, it will be a helluva story. And Ollie, who never starts sentences with conjunctions, and Josh's former girlfriend, lived happily ever after. The End— November 8, 2008 7:03 a.m.
Crappucino
Cut the crappucino or I'll beat the Corpus Christi out of the lot of ya! Love (and kisses), Fred— November 7, 2008 3:09 p.m.
Letters
But I start sentences with conjunctions. And sometimes I see sentences begun with conjunctions in publications like the Economist. Or maybe we're all just bad writers? And I'd have to give back all that money I've earned over the years as a professional writer. But that would suck... Fred Williams— November 7, 2008 3:07 p.m.
Clawgate Press Conference: Citizens Speak Out About How They Were Slandered By Gloria Mailer
Gloria: Please don't slap me any more, you know I love you and I'll do anything for you. Why do you treat me this way? Developer: Shut up Gloria, just be a good bottom and do what you're told. I paid for you, now you work for me. I'm taking you into the council chambers now... Gloria: Oh, why did I ever leave my principles behind...mother! Developer: Knock off your whining, it's time to shake your money maker. Council President: The meeting will come to order.... Gloria: I vote YES to the new condos! Give a subsidy to my top developer. Gloria: I vote YES to privatizing Balboa Park! Give away the citizens' property to top corporations. Gloria: I vote YES to bailing out top developers downtown! They need help from the taxpayers. Gloria: I vote NO to any more audits or corruption investigations! We need to save money. Council President: This meeting is adjourned, the next meeting will be held when the developers tell us and will be about whatever they want us to do for them. Have a nice day.— November 4, 2008 6:18 a.m.
Gloria's Hit Piece: "No Backroom Deals", Backfires
Gloria: Please don't slap me any more, you know I love you and I'll do anything for you. Why do you treat me this way? Developer: Shut up Gloria, just be a good bottom and do what you're told. I paid for you, now you work for me. I'm taking you into the council chambers now... Gloria: Oh, why did I ever leave my principles behind...mother! Developer: Knock off your whining, it's time to shake your money maker. Council President: The meeting will come to order.... Gloria: I vote YES to the new condos! Give a subsidy to my top developer. Gloria: I vote YES to privatizing Balboa Park! Give away the citizens' property to top corporations. Gloria: I vote YES to bailing out top developers downtown! They need help from the taxpayers. Gloria: I vote NO to any more audits or corruption investigations! We need to save money. Council President: This meeting is adjourned, the next meeting will be held when the developers tell us and will be about whatever they want us to do for them. Have a nice day.— November 3, 2008 3:12 p.m.
Economic Development Plan for District 3
Gloria: Please don't slap me any more, you know I love you and I'll do anything for you. Why do you treat me this way? Developer: Shut up Gloria, just be a good bottom and do what you're told. I paid for you, now you work for me. I'm taking you into the council chambers now... Gloria: Oh, why did I ever leave my principles behind...mother! Developer: Knock off your whining, it's time to shake your money maker. Council President: The meeting will come to order.... Gloria: I vote YES to the new condos! Give a subsidy to my top developer. Gloria: I vote YES to privatizing Balboa Park! Give away the citizens' property to top corporations. Gloria: I vote YES to bailing out top developers downtown! They need help from the taxpayers. Gloria: I vote NO to any more audits or corruption investigations! We need to save money. Council President: This meeting is adjourned, the next meeting will be held when the developers tell us and will be about whatever they want us to do for them. Have a nice day.— November 3, 2008 3:07 p.m.
Super Bowl MMXXVIII -- San Diego
Gloria: Please don't slap me any more, you know I love you and I'll do anything for you. Why do you treat me this way? Developer: Shut up Gloria, just be a good bottom and do what you're told. I paid for you, now you work for me. I'm taking you into the council chambers now... Gloria: Oh, why did I ever leave my principles behind...mother! Developer: Knock off your whining, it's time to shake your money maker. Council President: The meeting will come to order.... Gloria: I vote YES to the new condos! Give a subsidy to my top developer. Gloria: I vote YES to privatizing Balboa Park! Give away the citizens' property to top corporations. Gloria: I vote YES to bailing out top developers downtown! They need help from the taxpayers. Gloria: I vote NO to any more audits or corruption investigations! We need to save money. Council President: This meeting is adjourned, the next meeting will be held when the developers tell us and will be about whatever they want us to do for them. Have a nice day.— November 3, 2008 3:07 p.m.
Overheard at City Hall
Gloria: Please don't slap me any more, you know I love you and I'll do anything for you. Why do you treat me this way? Developer: Shut up Gloria, just be a good bottom and do what you're told. I paid for you, now you work for me. I'm taking you into the council chambers now... Gloria: Oh, why did I ever leave my principles behind...mother! Developer: Knock off your whining, it's time to shake your money maker. Council President: The meeting will come to order.... Gloria: I vote YES to the new condos! Give a subsidy to my top developer. Gloria: I vote YES to privatizing Balboa Park! Give away the citizens' property to top corporations. Gloria: I vote YES to bailing out top developers downtown! They need help from the taxpayers. Gloria: I vote NO to any more audits or corruption investigations! We need to save money. Council President: This meeting is adjourned, the next meeting will be held when the developers tell us and will be about whatever they want us to do for them. Have a nice day.— November 3, 2008 3:06 p.m.