3 p.m., Oct. 18
Doo Doo Roo and The Best Coitus Jam of All Time
This is my former roommate Mawkus.
His full name is Marcus Aurelius Rosario and he tilts his head and tugs at his giant ‘fropuff when he’s talking about girls he finds attractive. He’s really good with a wok and often tried to jump through the wall outside my bedroom door as a daily affirmation of the laws of physics. He also brews really strong coffee.
This is Doctor Sugarbear Phillips.
He’s the resident neighborhood Crip and he drinks with us on the stoop every once in a while. Sometimes, when cops roll our house parties, an officer will warn us to be wary of Sug because “he’ll drink all the alcohol.” Incidentally, we tend to invite him to said parties for that very reason. We homies.
This is what you get when you put Mawkus, Dr. Phillips, and a handful of badass future beat technicians together on a Thursday night at the Kava Lounge.
The Doo Doo Roo is a craft malt liquor beverage traditionally reserved for first dates and other critical junctures in the courting process. I think Sug invented it. Maybe you’ve heard of it. Either way, Sug enlightened this household to the alleyway ambrosia, which is made thusly:
- Obtain a foty of Mickey’s.
- And an ice cream sandwich (traditional is best, but Neopolitan can work if the mood is right).
- Drink two gulps of Mickey’s and then cram the ice cream sandwich in there.
While the beverage won’t be available at next week's beat jamboree at Kava, the line-up - brewed in Oakland's underground and bottled by Mawkus (a DJ with a knack for baby-makin’ music and also a Jazz 88 jockey on Wednesday and Fridays from midnight ‘til two) - is formulated to simulate the one-two inebriation/seduction punch of the Doo Doo Roo.
Mawkus recently stepped out of his stank lab to give The Reader the exclusive scoop on America's most mawkward novelty love sauce:
What is Doo Doo Roo?
Doo Doo Roo is something 100% mawkward. It's the jelly to one's popcorn. It's the most unlikely pairing that still leaves you wanting more because you're not sure if you like it or not. New Yorkers learned what mawkward was when I ordered a French toast bagel with jalapeno cheddar cream cheese a few weeks ago. Mawkward is that feeling of sincere differentials.
When is the best occasion for the Doo Doo Roo?
The best occasion for a DDR is when you feel like you need a hug, preferably from a stranger.
How does the event resemble the namesake beverage?
The party resembles the namesake because how amazingly random and refreshing it is. Things all fall into place in the most splendid ways. You ever have waffles with Sriracha and some syrup? It's like that.
How is DDR different from your monthly Sweet Cheeks?
It's different from Sweet Cheeks because every DDR is completely built around "anything goes". Sweet Cheeks on the other hand celebrates love in the most official and unofficial ways. There's too many parties where they forget to acknowledge the ladies and/or the music that creates babies. Females need love too.
If a woman doesn't respond to the enamoring qualities of the Doo Doo Roo, is she a lost cause, an android, or just a white girl?
If a woman isn't feeling a DDR, she probably needs to become more aware of herself. It's not the DDR's fault.
What's in the future for Doo Doo Roo? How about Sweet Cheeks?
The future of DDR is up in the air. It's hard to plan a future for something built on mawkward randomness.
As for the future of Sweet Cheeks, we're relocating the Bay Area edition from SF over to Oakland. That city has so much love for love, it hurts. We currently have a lot planned for Sweet Cheeks here in SD, held every third Wednesday at El Dorado. I can't reveal too much. It'll be lovely nonetheless.
Are babies concieved without music born with actual hearts?
Babies conceived without music are born with hearts. It's just that said baby's soul picks the parents who will raise it so if the parents have good taste in music, well then, that baby will have a lovely heart.
What's the best coitus jam of all time?
The best coitus jam of all time is the All Night mix of Zapp & Roger's "Slow & Easy". Rest in power, Roger Troutman!
Next Thursday, August 30 at Kava Lounge, Oakland invades San Diego with auditory 40s & ice cream sandwiches all in your based zone. You like clouds? Let's get mawkward.