I walked over to grab a sandwich at Subway. And, unlike that Jared who lost weight walking there, my facial hair stayed put. I didn't lose a single strand.

As I was walking in, a person handed me their change. They said, "You look like you need this more than I. But don't spend it on alcohol." His wife said quietly to him, "You shouldn't give homeless people money."

As I approached the counter, expecting to hear that usual Subway greeting, I hear "Hey...Jesus has come back!" His co-worker said, "Oh. I thought it was Charles Manson."

My mouth was agape (not sure if it was from the shock of hearing that, or because of the smell of freshly cooked bread).

I turned around and walked out, only to hear two more customers say, "Is that one of those cavemen from the Geico commercials?" His friend replied, "They have a TV show now, ya know."

I found another sandwich place where they treated me a lot better. Or so I thought.

As I'm sitting there enjoying my hero, a fat guy with a white beard enters. He said, "Hey...nice beard. Get it a little longer, a little whiter, and some more meat on your bones, and you can play Santa Clause in December like me."

A nervous smile came to my face. And as I walked out, a sweet old lady said "You have something stuck in your beard. It looks like a piece of lettuce." I thanked her for pointing it out, and as I wiped my chin she laughed and said, "Or....were you saving that for later?