So everyone is making a fuss because some artist somewhere is offering to make replicas of the famous penis sculpture that gets used as a murder weapon in Stanley Kubrick's A Clockwork Orange (here about to be employed by the character of Alex, memorably portrayed by Malcolm McDowell):

Simply wonderful. No home is complete without one. But single piece replicas costing over $1500 apiece are just not the way in today's marketplace. This should be in every Target across America. And it shouldn't be just the one item. What about a Clockwork Orange collection? What about those lovely lady tables from the milk bar in the opening scene?

A must for the young swain about to head off to college. He'll be the talk of his dormitory!

Of course, furniture has its virtues, but it's awfully permanent. It could be years before a person needs a new conversation piece. No, if you really want to make out, you need to break into a high-turnover market like fashion. People are always wanting new clothes. The Great Gatsby knows that, so naturally, they've teamed up with Brooks Brothers to offer a Gatsby line. Now you too can dress like the sorry sonofabitch who thought he could buy his way across class lines, only to wind up, well, fantastically unsuccessful at the business of life, shall we say. Step right up!

The trick, of course, is managing a distinctive look. But if this isn't distinctive, I don't know what is.