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Remember that Star Trek-based Esurance ad? It was cute, right? A little Trek riffing right before the real Trek? That split-second jolt of "Hey, it's the movie!" before you realized that it was a commercial?

Apparently, that just wasn't commercial enough. I mean, it didn't utilize Kirk's devil-may-care sex appeal, nor Spock's smarter-than-thou advice-giving, nor Scotty's tech genius, nor J.J. Abrams' judicious CGI and orgastic lens flares. To say nothing of Benedict Cumberbatch's Cumberbatchiness. Seriously, what was the point?

Which is probably why I saw a Chevron Star Trek ad before a screening last week, hocking the mini-mart/gas station's new instant-win game. "Don't walk," it commanded in between clips from Star Trek Into Darkness (still in theaters!), "or even run." Instead, "Warp to Chevron!" The final tagline? "Be logical. Play today." (If they had posted the actual odds of winning after that last bit, that would have been funny.)

Look, I know that Star Trek has been hocking crap since forever...

Yeah, I probably better stop there. But surely, we could dig around and find Scotty pitching Apple products, most likely in a commercial that riffs on this little bit of genius.

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"Hello computer!"

Spock would probably wind up pitching for H&R Block, and Sulu for the San Francisco Tourism Board.

I guess what bugs me is the fact that this is still a new release, and bits of actual film footage are showing up in Chevron commercials. It just feels a little...invasive. Although, it could be worse: Monsters U. appears to have lent its footage to Lowe's Home Improvement before the film is even released.

The whole thing feels crass. So to celebrate, I'm going to start suggesting that every new release find a way to incorporate itself into a Durex condom ad. Star Trek is easy.

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She's got a tail. Who knows what else she's got? Go boldly, but always use protection. Durex.

And it may be a Disney film, but Monsters U. is still a film about college life.

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Is what you just woke up next to a little scary? Good thing you wore a Durex!

And of course, the upcoming Man of Steel...

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Just because you're the Last Son of Krypton doesn't mean you want to become a dad. Durex.

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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