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Flowerbeds Of Narcissism
"AG, for someone to give a s***, the argument can be made that they wouldn't have done anything requiring an apology in the first place." I say this all the time, and it applies to the thoughtless or malicious jerk who doesn't really give a s*** about the person he's apologizing to. But sometimes people are just stupid. Not malicious or callous, just stupid. As in, lacking the insight to know they were doing something hurtful. As in, an "honest mistake." They thought they were doing the right thing, but misjudged. And yeah, you're probably right about your friend. He sounds like a doormat who's married to a wingnut, and it'll probably go just like you say. We really don't have enough data. "She never looked herself in the mirror, she just did what she had to do in order to save her marriage." Now, how do you know that? As a writer, you have the luxury of making up characters and authoring their motivations all you like. To assume you know the motivations of real people is another thing altogether. Again, as I wrote back in #11: I'd say that anyone's opinion regarding the motivations of others is necessarily based on his own personal limitations. Psychologists call that one "projection." "Talk about a high horse! The particular mirror-gazing I'm talking about isn't to find something pretty staring back..." I'm aware of this, of course. "...it's about finding an ugliness, and being sorry for having caused it." But if you don't make any attempt to make amends, it's just wallowing in self-flaggelation and playing the martyr to an audience of one -- yourself. Guilt-tripping as a form of ego aggrandizement. I'm familiar with the self-abusing martyr trip. "I reckon that we're a lot more accountable to ourselves than to each other." "More" accountable. But not exclusively. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGeZYednWtI— October 23, 2009 12:46 a.m.
FFP channels BTO, urges you to TCOB
LOL. Cat got your tongue? >:-)— October 23, 2009 12:22 a.m.
Flowerbeds Of Narcissism
"All apologies are without remorse." So you think there's no such thing as a sincere apology? I think that 'most' of them are insincere. But certainly not 'all' of them. "Directing being sorry toward someone isn't accomplishing anything." Sure it is. A 'sincere' apology communicates to the person wronged that the putz in question actually gives a s***. But in order to give a s***, one has to have the normal capacity for empathy. Which the narcissist does not. "One looks in the mirror when one is sorry. It's the only way that someone will change their ways." Sure. That'd be Step #1. But by itself, all that mirror-gazing is just more narcissism, IMO. As in, "Now I'm becoming a dandy person so that I may be proud of Me, and ride around on my high horsie while I gloat about my newfound enlightenment. And if I happen to run over anybody else while I'm riding my shiny new high horsie, well that's just too effin' bad." :)— October 22, 2009 11:44 p.m.
FFP channels BTO, urges you to TCOB
"In King Midas fashion, whatever B.B. King touched turned to funhouses made of air..." "His wife... full of hot air." Both of which could explain what happened next. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmQTYqo-QGg ---------- (Sorry, I found that & couldn't resist.)— October 22, 2009 11:24 p.m.
Flowerbeds Of Narcissism
"If you two are such psychoanalyists,how come you don't have practices or licenses?" Because I'd have to listen to f***ing narcissists all day.— October 22, 2009 10:52 p.m.
Flowerbeds Of Narcissism
"I think my point is missed. The act of apologizing to someone is not good, never will be, it's a selfish attempt at making one's self feel better after having been shameless. Being sorry for something is better, it implies humility, and involves self-realization." Yes, an 'insincere' apology is not good. An apology without remorse is not an apology at all. It's an empty attempt to reconcile with someone so you can exploit them again. As for demanding an apology, I can't recall that I've ever done it. If you have to ask for one, the one you're going to get isn't sincere anyway. Pointless. So is attempting any kind of relationship with folks who are incapable of empathy, and who are all take and no give. At least they're consistent -- consistently selfish. You can predict that the short end of the stick is always yours. Unfortunately, this is a LOT of people. You've seen the T-shirt: The More I Know People, The More I Like My Dog. Dogs are loyal -- to a fault. You can beat a dog, and he'll still hang around you and take more crap. Personally, I'm more like a cat. You do something undeniably s***ty, I'm just going to conclude that you're a dick, and interact as little as possible from now on. I vote with my feet. No apologies required. As I've quoted before: "When people show you who they are, believe them. The FIRST time." -- Maya Angelou ...(whether Daniels likes her or not.) :P— October 22, 2009 10:47 p.m.
Flowerbeds Of Narcissism
"Naomi Wise has a cousin who wrote a book on narcissism, as it just so happens--can't find the title now, or the link, where we discussed it. AG? :)" Huh? I must've slept since then. Here's the one refried's talking about: http://www.amazon.com/Why-Always-About-You-Narcis… Good reviews. Some of the titles on this topic are particularly delicious. http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Vampires-Dealing-… http://www.amazon.com/Wizard-Oz-Other-Narcissists… http://www.amazon.com/Its-All-About-Him-Narcissis… And, my personal favorite: http://www.amazon.com/Enough-About-You-Lets-Talk/… "Anyone who writes anything is practicing such narcissism." That's a pretty broad stroke. Here's another: I'd say that anyone's opinion regarding the motivations of others is necessarily based on his own personal limitations. Psychologists call that one "projection." :) Healthy narcissism is a single dandelion. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is obnoxious crabgrass that won't stay confined to its own little area and takes over the whole damn flowerbed with more of the same. Now where did I put that gallon of Roundup? ;)— October 22, 2009 9:23 p.m.
In which Pike, in a stroke of Genius, attempts to reconcile Linguistics, Biology, History, and Math in one Swell Foop
Hey, SD is charged with working on MY employment sitch, at the moment. :)— October 22, 2009 8 p.m.
Straight Eye for the Gay Guy
"SD, when I wrote the thread I actually did figure someone would do the Little Debby joke connection, but I thought it would be AG, not you!!!" Cuddle, I tried. I really did. Somewhere on the internet there's a pic of the best tattoo EVER. It's the Little Debbie logo, tattooed on that special girlie area we were discussing in the waxing thread. Let's just say it puts a whole new spin on the slogan: "Whenever you get snack hungry, Little Debbie has a snack for you." :) This will have to do: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNzFA5RtFAI— October 22, 2009 12:33 p.m.
South Park Cat Tales: The Red Rover (#3)
Held down by the hu-Man? Somekittyelse? This blog may reinvent the English language all by itself. SD, can't believe you don't like the condescending greeting roll that cats do when you arrive home. Displaying the belly like that and looking all submissive is one of their most charming deceptions. Of course, yours puts too fine a point on the irony of it by biting you immediately after, apparently. I think it's a boy thing. Simba used to do that. In fact, Simba thought it was the funniest thing in the world to stalk my big toe whenever I was silly enough to have naked feet and not pay attention. He'd pounce, bite it, and run like hell to the back of the house. Now, keep in mind, this was a 23-pound, one-of-a-kind Maine Coon/Siamese mix. He was a handful. Very sweet and cuddly, but with an attitude. He was absolutely gorgeous, and absolutely knew it. He never met someone who didn't make a fuss over him, and it went to his furry little head. The haughtiness of his posing was pretty funny, actually. Large and in charge until the day he died, still 18 pounds of skin and bone. When he was younger, he would bite when playing and when being petted. Blowing air in his face cured him of this. They hate that. That and the water bottle. <waiting for the feline expression of horror> Olivia is not a biter. She is a sweet little thing who would never dream of such barbaric behavior. "Bite? But why? Two Cankles is not food. Two Cankles GIVES food. Biting the food dispenser that feeds you is not WiseCat." :)— October 22, 2009 12:16 p.m.