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Pandemic dating smalltalk

Stop talking about current events to the extent they concern public health in any way shape or form whatsoever

Not pictured: The Dear Hipster
Not pictured: The Dear Hipster

Dear Hipster:

When are you going to cover that mugshot of yours in the Reader with a mask? You could just draw one on that supposed likeness of you.

— Sam King, El Cajon

You watch, the moment I do that is the moment the official position on mask use by strikingly handsome caricatures changes from “all strikingly handsome hipster caricatures should wear masks except for when they are eating California burritos” to “no strikingly handsome hipster caricatures should wear masks unless it is a Tuesday when the moon is waning into its final quarter.” Since the Reader comes out between Tuesdays, I would be seen as uncharacteristically out of touch, and we can’t have that.

Dear Hipster:

I’m diving back into the dating game these days, pandemic or no pandemic. One of the weirdest things we are dealing with lately is how hard it is to make smalltalk. Care to guess what absolutely dominates the casual conversation lately? Yeah. So, I am writing in on behalf of myself and all the other people on the dating scene to implore members of the local dating pool to stop talking about current events to the extent they concern public health in any way shape or form whatsoever. On that note, if you have any great suggested icebreakers or conversations starters that you might wish to share for those of us ready to talk about, you know, anything else, then I’m all ears.

— Jordan

I actually solved this entire system some time ago by coming up with the ultimate conversation starter. You just have to ask someone, “What’s your favorite Queen song?” This works only with Queen. Not Bach; not Cardi B. Only Queen. If you pick anything older than a Jonas Brother, you get blank stares from basically anyone under 40. If you pick something newer than, say, Phil Collins, 10/10 Boomers go off on an unsolicited rant about hip-hop instead of admitting they have no idea what you’re talking about. Even people who otherwise never listen to Middle Aged Dad Rock can usually pick a favorite Queen song. Heck, even people who are otherwise indifferent to Queen (like me) manage to have a favorite Queen song (“I Want to Break Free”).

I confess, I don’t know why this is so, but almost anyone can name a favorite Queen song. It is one of life’s little mysteries. More to the point, the answer tells you everything you need to know about the person. If someone gives you an obscure track from Queen II then you know you’re dealing with a hardcore hipster arena rock nerd, and if they say, “Bohemian Rhapsody,” then you know they’ve at least heard one Queen song before. If they pick any song from the Highlander soundtrack then you can all but guarantee they have, at some point, contemplated how cool it would be to own a sword.

Honestly, the hardest part of this conversation starter used to be finding a way to bring it up naturally in conversation, which made it more of a conversation “enhancer” than conversation “starter,” but now that there’s a recent Bryan Singer biopic streaming on HBO Max, it’s easy to turn “seen any good movies” lately into something much more interesting. Try it. It works. I don’t know why, but it works.

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Not pictured: The Dear Hipster
Not pictured: The Dear Hipster

Dear Hipster:

When are you going to cover that mugshot of yours in the Reader with a mask? You could just draw one on that supposed likeness of you.

— Sam King, El Cajon

You watch, the moment I do that is the moment the official position on mask use by strikingly handsome caricatures changes from “all strikingly handsome hipster caricatures should wear masks except for when they are eating California burritos” to “no strikingly handsome hipster caricatures should wear masks unless it is a Tuesday when the moon is waning into its final quarter.” Since the Reader comes out between Tuesdays, I would be seen as uncharacteristically out of touch, and we can’t have that.

Dear Hipster:

I’m diving back into the dating game these days, pandemic or no pandemic. One of the weirdest things we are dealing with lately is how hard it is to make smalltalk. Care to guess what absolutely dominates the casual conversation lately? Yeah. So, I am writing in on behalf of myself and all the other people on the dating scene to implore members of the local dating pool to stop talking about current events to the extent they concern public health in any way shape or form whatsoever. On that note, if you have any great suggested icebreakers or conversations starters that you might wish to share for those of us ready to talk about, you know, anything else, then I’m all ears.

— Jordan

I actually solved this entire system some time ago by coming up with the ultimate conversation starter. You just have to ask someone, “What’s your favorite Queen song?” This works only with Queen. Not Bach; not Cardi B. Only Queen. If you pick anything older than a Jonas Brother, you get blank stares from basically anyone under 40. If you pick something newer than, say, Phil Collins, 10/10 Boomers go off on an unsolicited rant about hip-hop instead of admitting they have no idea what you’re talking about. Even people who otherwise never listen to Middle Aged Dad Rock can usually pick a favorite Queen song. Heck, even people who are otherwise indifferent to Queen (like me) manage to have a favorite Queen song (“I Want to Break Free”).

I confess, I don’t know why this is so, but almost anyone can name a favorite Queen song. It is one of life’s little mysteries. More to the point, the answer tells you everything you need to know about the person. If someone gives you an obscure track from Queen II then you know you’re dealing with a hardcore hipster arena rock nerd, and if they say, “Bohemian Rhapsody,” then you know they’ve at least heard one Queen song before. If they pick any song from the Highlander soundtrack then you can all but guarantee they have, at some point, contemplated how cool it would be to own a sword.

Honestly, the hardest part of this conversation starter used to be finding a way to bring it up naturally in conversation, which made it more of a conversation “enhancer” than conversation “starter,” but now that there’s a recent Bryan Singer biopic streaming on HBO Max, it’s easy to turn “seen any good movies” lately into something much more interesting. Try it. It works. I don’t know why, but it works.

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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