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The year in Reader comments

Never mind who watches the Watchmen — who critiques the critics?

Get Out: No, he’s not reading Internet comments. But the facial expression is right for it.
Get Out: No, he’s not reading Internet comments. But the facial expression is right for it.

Below, please find the most popular movie reviews of 2017, listed in descending order. It should go without saying that “popular” does not necessarily have any connection with “positive.” That goes double for the comments, my favorites of which are reproduced here.

Movie

Star Wars: The Last Jedi **

thumbnail

Many things move quickly in writer-director Rian Johnson’s entry into the famous story from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away: ships zipping through hyperspace, wild horselike critters rampaging through a casino, the droid BB-8 rolling to seemingly anywhere he wants to go. But the film itself lumbers like an AT-AT walker, the sort that once threatened the rebel outpost on the ice planet Hoth — or the sort that here threatens the rebel outpost on the salt planet Crait. As in <em>The Force Awakens</em>, the <em>Star Wars</em> recombinator is in full effect, serving up rejiggered elements aplenty from the original trilogy. The devoted will no doubt be delighted; for the rest, a resigned acceptance may be the safest path to enjoyment. What’s <em>new</em> here is that the Force is female — or at least, it’s women who shape the story. Bold pilot Poe wants to fight and save the rebellion’s last remnant, to the point where he needs regal Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo to show him what true leadership means. Legendary Jedi Luke wants to avoid another mistake like wayward pupil Kylo Ren, to the point where he needs earnest prodigy Rey to remind him who he is and what he means. Former stormtrooper Finn wants to protect Rey, to the point where he needs spunky maintenance worker Rose Tico to remind him where his duty lies. And over and above all, the gentle guiding governance of Carrie Fisher’s Leia Organa. Maybe Kylo Ren’s real problem is that Mom wasn’t around when he was little? It might help to explain the tantrums and the sulking, and the general desire to imagine himself as the start of something wholly new, unbeholden to what’s come before. When the salt settles, we are left with neither triumph nor tragedy; instead, it’s one more chapter in the continuing saga, punctuated by a few moments of genuine awe.

Find showtimes

Get Out: “Sounds like you’re the racist here.”

Star Wars: The Last Jedi: “Matthew, you are just a bitter, pompous a--. What a Debbie Downer!” (That one showed up on the review roundup, but I think its true subject was clear.)

Justice League: “You’re a dumbass.”

Passengers: “You’re a moron.”

Moana: “What drug are you on?”

Spider Man: Homecoming: “Liberals finally have their watered-downed web-slinging hero.”

The Fate of the Furious: No negative comments! Weird.

Beauty and the Beast: The Internet ate the comments on this one, but if memory serves, there were some gems.

Moonlight: “Scott Marks: Dude, you’re just a weakass hater.” (It was so nice to see Scott get some of the hate here!)

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: “This ‘review’ feels more like something a drunk soccer mom would write on a Facebook post.”

Kong: Skull Island: “Complete joke of a review.”

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets: “Do you really know what Science fiction story is?”

Life: “Matthew, your capsule review nailed the director’s intent: triumphant nihilism.” Hey, I got one right!

It: No comment.

And yes, we saved the best for last. Scott Marks’ review of Interstellar is still pulling comments three years after its release. Very impressive. I think this would be his favorite: “My god, I’ve never seen a bigger retard than Scott Marks.”

Happy New Year, everybody! Thanks for reading!

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Giovanni Sgambati – an Italian Liszt

Wagner pushed for publication of Sgambati’s two piano quintets.
Get Out: No, he’s not reading Internet comments. But the facial expression is right for it.
Get Out: No, he’s not reading Internet comments. But the facial expression is right for it.

Below, please find the most popular movie reviews of 2017, listed in descending order. It should go without saying that “popular” does not necessarily have any connection with “positive.” That goes double for the comments, my favorites of which are reproduced here.

Movie

Star Wars: The Last Jedi **

thumbnail

Many things move quickly in writer-director Rian Johnson’s entry into the famous story from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away: ships zipping through hyperspace, wild horselike critters rampaging through a casino, the droid BB-8 rolling to seemingly anywhere he wants to go. But the film itself lumbers like an AT-AT walker, the sort that once threatened the rebel outpost on the ice planet Hoth — or the sort that here threatens the rebel outpost on the salt planet Crait. As in <em>The Force Awakens</em>, the <em>Star Wars</em> recombinator is in full effect, serving up rejiggered elements aplenty from the original trilogy. The devoted will no doubt be delighted; for the rest, a resigned acceptance may be the safest path to enjoyment. What’s <em>new</em> here is that the Force is female — or at least, it’s women who shape the story. Bold pilot Poe wants to fight and save the rebellion’s last remnant, to the point where he needs regal Vice Admiral Amilyn Holdo to show him what true leadership means. Legendary Jedi Luke wants to avoid another mistake like wayward pupil Kylo Ren, to the point where he needs earnest prodigy Rey to remind him who he is and what he means. Former stormtrooper Finn wants to protect Rey, to the point where he needs spunky maintenance worker Rose Tico to remind him where his duty lies. And over and above all, the gentle guiding governance of Carrie Fisher’s Leia Organa. Maybe Kylo Ren’s real problem is that Mom wasn’t around when he was little? It might help to explain the tantrums and the sulking, and the general desire to imagine himself as the start of something wholly new, unbeholden to what’s come before. When the salt settles, we are left with neither triumph nor tragedy; instead, it’s one more chapter in the continuing saga, punctuated by a few moments of genuine awe.

Find showtimes

Get Out: “Sounds like you’re the racist here.”

Star Wars: The Last Jedi: “Matthew, you are just a bitter, pompous a--. What a Debbie Downer!” (That one showed up on the review roundup, but I think its true subject was clear.)

Justice League: “You’re a dumbass.”

Passengers: “You’re a moron.”

Moana: “What drug are you on?”

Spider Man: Homecoming: “Liberals finally have their watered-downed web-slinging hero.”

The Fate of the Furious: No negative comments! Weird.

Beauty and the Beast: The Internet ate the comments on this one, but if memory serves, there were some gems.

Moonlight: “Scott Marks: Dude, you’re just a weakass hater.” (It was so nice to see Scott get some of the hate here!)

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: “This ‘review’ feels more like something a drunk soccer mom would write on a Facebook post.”

Kong: Skull Island: “Complete joke of a review.”

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets: “Do you really know what Science fiction story is?”

Life: “Matthew, your capsule review nailed the director’s intent: triumphant nihilism.” Hey, I got one right!

It: No comment.

And yes, we saved the best for last. Scott Marks’ review of Interstellar is still pulling comments three years after its release. Very impressive. I think this would be his favorite: “My god, I’ve never seen a bigger retard than Scott Marks.”

Happy New Year, everybody! Thanks for reading!

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Giovanni Sgambati – an Italian Liszt

Wagner pushed for publication of Sgambati’s two piano quintets.
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Hirie, G. Love, the Expanders, Common Kings, the Skints, Long Beach Dub Allstars, and Trevor Young also contribute
Comments
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I'm not retarded. I'm slow.

Dec. 29, 2017
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July 7, 2018
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Aug. 13, 2018
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Aug. 29, 2018
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July 30, 2020
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