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Proven hipster business models

Accept that, unless you are actively selling, you are being bought

Snapchat? HATE IT.
Snapchat? HATE IT.

Dear Hipster:

I have been wondering, what’s the best way for me to get rich quick without having to do too much work? I know, that sounds a little sarcastic, but I’m serious. Surely there must be some clever, hipster means of succeeding with minimal expenditures.

Sponsored
Sponsored

— B.

Any fraud will tell you he can predict the next big thing; to time the market, so to speak. Being nothing if not legit, I will not tell you such fictions, and I would say your best bet for financial get-rich-quickism would be to swing wildly for the fences on whatever moves you make. Serendipity may just make you a gajillionaire.

That said, there are a few proven hipster “business” models that you might peruse.

(1) Get a cat. Make the cat a Snapchat account. Post many pictures of the cat doing hilarious cat things, like sitting in boxes or drinking water out of the tap. Spam with hashtags. Amass followers. Let the Purina and Petco advertising dollars roll in. If this makes you feel like an unabashed corporate sellout, ironically embrace the reality that, today, unless you are actively selling, you are being bought.

(2) Open a brewery. Despite the fact that it’s probably a bubble ripe for bursting, the beer industry for now seems like a bottomless well from which an enterprising hipster might summon short-term profits exclusive of probably market saturation and steadily climbing prices that could never, for any reason, go down, right?

(3) California is just begging for a farm-to-table marijuana pizzeria. House-cured guanciale, free-range duck egg, and sour diesel sounds just about right. As a bonus, some terminally uncool buzz-killers suggest that stoners are more or less riding the hype train to the end of the line here, so you can stay hiply above it all while charging $39 for a pizza that gets people high A.F.

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Snapchat? HATE IT.
Snapchat? HATE IT.

Dear Hipster:

I have been wondering, what’s the best way for me to get rich quick without having to do too much work? I know, that sounds a little sarcastic, but I’m serious. Surely there must be some clever, hipster means of succeeding with minimal expenditures.

Sponsored
Sponsored

— B.

Any fraud will tell you he can predict the next big thing; to time the market, so to speak. Being nothing if not legit, I will not tell you such fictions, and I would say your best bet for financial get-rich-quickism would be to swing wildly for the fences on whatever moves you make. Serendipity may just make you a gajillionaire.

That said, there are a few proven hipster “business” models that you might peruse.

(1) Get a cat. Make the cat a Snapchat account. Post many pictures of the cat doing hilarious cat things, like sitting in boxes or drinking water out of the tap. Spam with hashtags. Amass followers. Let the Purina and Petco advertising dollars roll in. If this makes you feel like an unabashed corporate sellout, ironically embrace the reality that, today, unless you are actively selling, you are being bought.

(2) Open a brewery. Despite the fact that it’s probably a bubble ripe for bursting, the beer industry for now seems like a bottomless well from which an enterprising hipster might summon short-term profits exclusive of probably market saturation and steadily climbing prices that could never, for any reason, go down, right?

(3) California is just begging for a farm-to-table marijuana pizzeria. House-cured guanciale, free-range duck egg, and sour diesel sounds just about right. As a bonus, some terminally uncool buzz-killers suggest that stoners are more or less riding the hype train to the end of the line here, so you can stay hiply above it all while charging $39 for a pizza that gets people high A.F.

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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