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“I always wanted to make another picture about sharks,” Steve Spielberg joked during last night’s fever dream, “and given the success of The Terminal, I wouldn’t mind throwing in a couple of jets to spark inner-dialogue that you critics will later praise me for.”

I awoke to find my pillow gone and news that 20th Century Fox has decided to remake Robert Wise’s West Side Story. Guess who expressed interest in directing?

Wasn’t it Steve who just last year predicted the film industry was poised to bust like a hot water pipe while at the same time grousing over how Lincoln came “this close” to being an HBO release? He’d be better off following his own advice or taking a nod from Carrie Underwood’s recent live-broadcast of The Sound of Music. Now that was funny!


Maria and Tony dance


Remember to add a gallon of Vaseline to the budget in order to properly grease the lens for when Tony and Maria meet during the Dance at the Gym number and a ton of Max Factor Pan-Cake Makeup 129 Medium Beige if he decides to follow in Wise’s footsteps by hiring a predominantly Caucasian cast to act Puerto Rican.

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Scott Marks March 14, 2014 @ 8:18 a.m.

"How many bullets do I have left, Chino? Enough for Jew? And Jew?" Ah, Natalie Wood sure knew how to lay on an accent.


Colonna March 18, 2014 @ 6:05 p.m.

I can hear S--tberg singing now...

I made E.T. in America... I made A.I. in America... I made Lincoln in America... Don't forget: you made Hook in Americaaaaa


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