It's been almost four months since making my move from Colonel Libertad, Mexico. And not a moment too soon, considering all the killings going on down there. I am now living in sunny Escondido, at Interfaith Community Services, which is a transitional housing program for veteran's. And a bit closer to getting back on my feet and believe me when I tell ya, its a far better fit than St. V's, but without the view. I guess I,m not a big city kind of guy, because now I don't feel the intensity or pressure that comes with living downtown. Its impossible to compare the two places and again I thank the people of California and the Veteran's Administration and all the staff at these places for being there for people that have unexpected emergency's or just simply need a helping hand .

Ok having said that, let's shed some of that candy coating, communal living "sucks" and living downtown on the level that I was on, which is the bottom rung "really sucks" . But hey what can I say, "you get what you pay for". But while spending time at St. V's I caught pure "hell" and yes ( I know torture ), probably the most unexpected part of the ordeal was the constant advances made toward me by the gay residents. When I use the term "gay" I mean male homosexuals. These dudes were non-stop even though I told tem on numerous occaisons that "I,m not the one", they kept flirting and making smart ass remarks all the time.

I never was really thought of as gay until I arrived in California back in 04, since then I,ve been harassed and threatened and even discriminated against. In tons of situations, for example I may walk up on some dudes on the street and in passing " I might say some something like "whats up? " and someone will reply "I,m straight" and i,m like ( what does that have to do with the price of condoms in Egypt). At first I just tried to ignore these people but after a few years I figured I ought to run a "self check" program. I am a single middleaged black male ( Afro American sounds too generic) that's a divorced father of three adult kids. I have more college credits than most college seniors, I like to work-out, love watching movies, singing Karaoke and dancing. I normally can be found hanging out in college computer labs. I am a bit of a loner, "but not by choice". Since I have been taking classes for the past four years I have been mostly shopping at Walmart and Thrift stores. I also never wear pink or purple and I'm not feminine in any way, I even have a gravelly voice, so what's up with the all the gay stuff?

I am not homophobic and I like to think of myself as straight but not narrow, meaning to each his "or her" own. But what's really a trip for a guy like me from Denver, is that the gays here in Cali which is suppose to be the most liberal state in the union has more what I call " Broke Back Boys" than anything else. They appear and act like regular guys but only get with other dudes and will not admit openly that they are gay, some even have wives and kids. Well there are a lot of these kinda guys living in all male communal living situations and it makes sense, it's like one big happy hunting ground for them.

Because of my treatment these past four years and being called all the derogatory words (BB,CS,F,P,S,Q) to descibe gays and some times with the N-word added by more phobic and sometime racist people. I had become more sympathetic to gays and there causes, for instance'I feel they should be allowed to marry, but I think they should call it something other than "Marriage". It should have all the legal rights of a Hetero marriage. Then they will get what they want, it's all about the wording. The straight moral majority do not want same sex people to be defined the same way as a straight couple and in all fairness, they got the word first. The word gay came about in the sixties and has become more popular than the word homosexual and is used in legal jargon so just call it a "legal partnership" in other words, they should stop trying to piggyback a straight institution and create there own type of legal and spirtual bonding ceremony. As long as everybody is eighteen or over everybody is happy . I do have one beef, and that's public schools teaching little 8 year old Jimmy that its cool to get with little Johnny. This is definitely not cool.

So back to the gist, its been a hard four months for me and this gay thing ain't making it any better, along with all the other trials and tribulations. My new companions are all veterans and some of them are still in the war and have multiple battle scars, physically and mentally. Most are Vietnam and Gulf War Vets that are clean and sober trying to get repaired so that they can get back in the game.

Then there are some like myself that have a very unique situation that the staffers are not equipped to handle or deal with(that's another story). So in the mean time i,m going to try and remain cool and with a little luck and a look from the man above, I hope to be moving into my own place soon.