Various Authors 8:30 a.m., July 15
Showdown In Big D
As a sports journalist I take celebrity watching seriously. Even though no celebrity worth a second look would travel to Dallas in June, I prepared for tonight’s Dallas/Miami contest as a professional. I reviewed my celebrity flash cards. I asked three trusted associates to watch the game. One never wants to be accused of celebrity sectionalism, so I picked staff carefully. One associate lives Albany, California, another in Fairbanks, Alaska, and one in Washington DC. All were instructed to scan the crowd for celebrities and ignore basketball.
Sigh. It’s halftime now. I knew it would be bad, but zero? Nobody? Even the kindest heart among staff reported no sightings. No has-beens, no Ozzy Osbourne, no Snoop Dogg, no Whoopi Goldberg, no Terrell Ownes, Doris Day, or Paris Hilton. Not even one Star Trek character and I’ve declared eligible any character appearing in any one of the 11 Star Trek movies or six Star Trek television series.
Not one. No one.
I don’t think the NBA can come back from this. This championship series is a celebrity failure, may well be a celebrity catastrophe before it’s over.
And then, with 11:38 left to play in the fourth quarter, in one golden television moment, three faces appear on my widescreen: Scottie Pippen, George Lopez, and Troy Aikman. Solid B-List celebrities, equal in stature, if not numbers, to Miami’s best.
Good enough to extend Celebrity Watch into Game 4.
More like this:
- Unsubstantiated rumor claims that Marlins beat the Padres — June 30, 2013
- Casting Call for Good Guy — June 8, 2011
- NBA Finals — June 5, 2011
- The Sound of One Puck Clapping — June 8, 2006
- Creation Myth — June 20, 2002