Okay...well, the stories didn't happen in the north county. I was just at my folks having a Christmas dinner, with a fever. At one point I went into their huge bathtub and just soaked my body for an hour, trying to sweat it all out of my system. And, I took the North County Times in there with me.

They had a section called The Back Page, and there were so many fun stories on that one page. There was the beauty queen, Miss Sinaloa, who apparently has a boyfriend that's a drug runner in Mexico. Geez...what is it with these beauty pagaent women that they end up in trouble? It's like child actors. Although, now that I type that...maybe it's those same type of parents...stage moms. And it's not letting kids grow up and have a normal childhood.

Below that is a story about three brothers and a cousin dying in a house fire. Not a fun story. Especially on Christmas.

But below that, it gets fun again. A store is emptied after....well, guess what event happened on the escalator?

I would guess a shoe lace got caught and took off a boys foot. Or teenagers were monkeying around, trying to make some weird video for Youtube. But what happened was a guy at a sport goods store bought .22 caliber bullets. He dropped them on the escalator and one round went off. Apparently, the back of one of the bullets was compressed by the escalator and fired.

I see a story here about Obama attending 10 different inaugural balls. That's gotta be a fun time. Maybe I'll try to crash one. And, it'll be another guy I can talk about playing "Horse" with. The dude loves his basketball.

I see a lawsuit involving "Two and a Half Men," but it's not much of a story.

There's an interesting thing about a woman in Atlanta that is Muslim. She refused to remove her headscarf before attending a hearing. The courtroom rules restrict headgear, and the Judge wanted it off. He then made her serve 10 days in jail for contempt of court when she refused to remove it (but she was released after a day). That judge was ordered to go to sensitivity training.

He was upset, as he's made accomadations in the past for people with hearing disabilities.

And I have to say, I'm on his side. I've told this story before, that I had a girlfriend stranded in Hawaii. Her flight was scheduled to come back on 9/11. Two days later, when flights started again, she flew into SD. As I waited at the airport, a tall guy with a long, black beard and a turban, got off the plane. Everyone looked at him. I smiled when our eyes met, feeling that the guy probably feels bad enough. But then I thought about it later, and thought....if you are in this country, and they have laws that at the DMV or in court, nothing can be around your head -- take it off. If you don't want to at the airport, after other people in turbans recently hijacked a plane, hey...you'll have to deal with the stares (okay...nobody needs to write letters telling me the terrorists didn't wear turbans...I'm just sayin').

The last two stories on this page were equally fun. A sea lion that wandered onto the airport was rescued. And, it was nice to see an airplane didn't skid off the runway to avoid it.

And...the police used a guys tobacco spit to nab him in a series of burglaries.

I won't give you all the details, because it's almost midnight, and I'm still sick and want to get to bed.

But, it was in Oklahoma City (where as Lou Gosset Jr. says in a movie "Only two things come from Oklahoma City...steers and queers!" He maybe should've added "Tobacco chewers").

I'd say if you are going to commit a crime, maybe you shouldn't smoke cigarettes, chew gum, or do anything that can possibly leave any kind of DNA.

I'm not sure if that would include these DJs I heard in L.A. last week on the Frosty, Heidi, and Frank Show (which is hysterical, if you're ever in L.A.)

Her house got burglarized.

And the thieves used her bedroom closet as a bathroom.

Gotta love those loser criminals. Stealing your stuff just isn't enough for them.

And my liberal friends wonder why I have no problem with the three strikes law.