Ed Bedford 1 p.m., Dec. 12
Trailer Park: Beautiful Creatures
OMG, you guys.
The good times roll on Friday.
"I'm not saying that George Harrison and Liberace ever partied with Hugh Hefner. I'm saying that if they did, this ensemble would have been the offspring of whatever clothes wound up in a damp heap beside the grotto at the Playboy Mansion."
"Your decision to dye your hair purple represents a sad grab for attention that is doomed to failure. Nobody can resist staring at a man wearing a vest made from circa 1999 Pottery Barn 400-count sheets. And to seal the deal, I'm wearing a swath of carpet from the Reno Hilton's Ballroom A as a smoking jacket!"
"Look here, lady. I didn't get to be the leading salesmen of gently used and/or pre-owned Cadillacs in six counties by wearing smaller paisleys on my power tie. Bigger paisleys, lady. Bigger paisleys and a broader check on the vest. If that's not enough to dazzle you, maybe the sheen from my jacket can help. Now tell me, what do I have to do to put you into a 2006 Escalade today? Or maybe you came for a sermon? Because this is just my day job. I'll be presenting part six of my 17-week series, "Prosper the work of our hands" at Bigotown First Baptist this Sunday."
"I'm sure it goes without saying, but I refer to this combination as The Moody Blues."
"We control our own nature. We do not, however, control our own coloring. I'm afraid you'll never be able to pull off this particular shade of mustard yellow. But that doesn't mean you have to be a darkcaster!"
"Well, of course I've popped my collar! It's a garden party during the Spring Equinox!"