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Fallbrook-Based Rocker Escaped President's "Moral Quarantine" on San Diego in Wake of Aurora Shooting, But Was Unable to Elude Obama's Notorious "Oopsie" Drones

Prez Sez: "Of course it was a mistake. Why would we send drones to attack Singapore? Mr. Mustaine was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It's a tragic day for fans of rusty metal bands everywhere."


Prophetic, man.

CHARRED REMAINS OF A 100-SEAT "HARD ROCK CONCERT VENUE," SINGAPORE - Dave Mustaine, the hard-rocking founding guitarist for Metallica and founder of hard-rocking hard rock band Megadeth, died today while performing his new song, "Obama Bomb," a scathing political attack on the man Mustaine recently accused of staging the Aurora and Wisconsin shootings in an effort to gain support for draconian gun-control laws.

Several of the more than 25 fans who attended Mr. Mustaine's farewell concert recall that Mustaine had just finished screeching the song's chorus of, "Don't bomb us/ O-bam-us/ Truth will be revealed/ Before the blood has been congealed/ Your will is relentless/ To leave us defenseless/ But we'll elect Romney/ And then he will bomb thee/ OBAMABOMB!" He was about to launch into a face-shredding guitar solo when a General Atomics Three Stooges Drone, commonly referred to as "Oopsie" because of its tendency to take out innocent civilians along with legitimate military targets, swooped in low over the stage and "accidentally" dropped a primed X-22 "Firecracker" rocket directly into Mustaine's flowing, luxurious head of hair.

"It was awesome," said one possibly traumatized fan. "Mustaine's head exploded, like that one dude in Scanners. I hope someone got video. What a way to go. So metal."

Reached for comment, the Department of Defense said that no inquiry was planned into the mishap. Said a spokesman, "While we mourn the loss of a talent as legit as Mustaine's as much as the next angry white man, he had to know the risks of leaving the San Diego area after the President declared a quarantine on crackpots leaving the region. However, we must stress that this was nothing more than an accidental tragedy."

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mediamark67 Aug. 31, 2012 @ 1:09 a.m.

OMG I just read your article and now Dave Mustaine had died for REAL! He was killed in a jet ski accident while on a personal vacation in Turks and Caicos - August 31, 2012 Preliminary reports from Turks and Caicos Police officials indicate that the musician struck a concrete boat slip in a marina on Parrot Cay in the Turks and Caicos Islands. Dave Mustaine was the only passenger on the personal watercraft at the time of the incident. Specific details are not yet available. The accident occurred at approximately 8:45 a.m. (UTC/GMT -4 hours).

I'm shocked, this BLOWS!



mediamark67 Aug. 31, 2012 @ 2:08 p.m.

I just read the small print and now I feel like a moron, the fine print reads "FAKE... THIS STORY IS 100% FAKE! this is an entertainment website, and this is a totally fake article based on zero truth and is a complete work of fiction for entertainment purposes! this story was dynamically generated using a generic 'template' and is not factual. Any reference to specific individuals has been 100% fabricated by web site visitors who have created fake stories by entering a name into a blank 'non-specific' template for the purpose of entertainment. For sub-domain info, name removal requests and additional use restrictions: FakeAWish.com "


Walter Mencken Aug. 31, 2012 @ 3:24 p.m.

MediaMark67, Here at Almost Factual News, absolutely none of our content is dynamically generated using a generic 'template.' And instead of being "not factual," our news is ALMOST factual. Handmade, artisanal, almost factual news - always fresh, and only slightly warmed-over. It's what makes us different, and it's a difference that makes us proud. Thanks for reading!


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