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Serial Blogger
Re #31: Dude, I was eating dinosaur tacos the first time I heard that one. (Actually it was from Richard Pryor on his "Wanted" album, I think.) http://www.amazon.com/Wanted-Live-Concert-Richard…— October 11, 2009 9:31 a.m.
This Just In! One Out of Three Ex-Smokers Misses Smoking!
"Whew, good thing you don't smoke with that cough." LOL. LOVE that. :) "I was still living with Mom and on television there was a commercial involving a middle-aged couple playing tennis, and the guy was explaining how he was glad is hemorrhoids weren't bothering him anymore, thanks to Preparation-H. My mother, completely dead-pan and without missing a beat, says, "Yeah, but you're still a flaming ahole." You must be proud to the be spawn of such an evil genius. Fabulous.— October 11, 2009 12:07 a.m.
Grumpy Gus Says -- I Dare You to Sue Me!
russl noted: "For what it's worth, Josh, I was told (as you probably were too) that in Biblical times, the women were raped so often by conquering armies that the only sure way to trace your lineage was through the women." It wasn't just the women who were raped, as my YouTube friend K explains here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3ssGFiDHFA— October 10, 2009 11:52 p.m.
Unfriendly skies
Fred sed: "Burwell, who says Sanders has a 160 IQ?" Is that a rhetorical question, Fred? He still hasn't even cited his source for this silly BS, back in #13: "At least 650 sworn officers on the SDPD payroll have memberships in MENSA." Still waiting for that, Burwell.— October 10, 2009 11:41 p.m.
Groceries and computers, Oh My
auntsandiegospeaks said: "I do know that just because you can do something, does not mean it is a good thing to do." Exactly. I always think of a line from Jeff Goldblum's character in Jurassic Park. Evidently I'm not the only one: "Remember Jurassic Park? Remember Jeff Goldblum playing Dr. Ian Malcolm? Remember when he ever so eruditely commented on the DNA cloning of dinosaurs with this jewel ... "Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should." I often think of that quote as a perfect metaphor for a bunch of stuff we oh-so-clever humans do these days..." http://thinklady.typepad.com/thinklady/2009/05/je…— October 10, 2009 11:22 p.m.
Saturday's Lesson in Latin
As Susan Sarandon said to Kevin Costner in "Bull Durham"... "Oh, my." :) Here's your fave, nan: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bibtqDxXv1o (I love that one, too.) And a few more of my faves: Sweet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBHhSVJ_S6A HOT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6VvR3hkePI&featur… And from the genius of Baz Luhrmann, one of my favorite films of all time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHO5KWIMZUo There are LOADS of great ones to watch on YouTube, nan. You could be there for days, just on the tangos alone. :)— October 10, 2009 10:44 p.m.
Serial Blogger
And my personal favorite: A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?" The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times."One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I came across this old ruined cottage, and it was getting dark, so I decided to stay overnight.I found an old lamp, and as I wiped some of the dirt off it, a Genie appeared, in the form of a beautiful woman. She said, "You have released me from centuries of misery, I grant you three wishes." I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger." She nodded, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked! She then asked, "What will be your second wish?" I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make love with you, right here and right now." She nodded, the cottage turned into a luxurious bedroom ... We made love for hours! Later, as we lay there next to each other, relaxing after our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?" I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?" :) ***All genie jokes stolen outright from: http://www.weirdity.com/genie/— October 10, 2009 10:02 p.m.
Serial Blogger
A golfer, encountering a genie, was granted one wish. The man thought a while and admitted, "I've always been rather, er, small, if you know what I mean; could you make me larger?" "I understand" said the Genie, "Consider it done" Continuing his game, the man noticed an immediate change in his "size." Within minutes, it was down to his knee, and by the final hole, it had crept into his sock. After his final putt, the man hurriedly returned to where he'd met the genie. "Problem?" inquired the Genie. "Yes," the man responded, "Do you think I could trouble you for one more wish?" "And what might that be?" asked the Genie. "Could you make my legs a tad longer?"— October 10, 2009 9:58 p.m.
Serial Blogger
This one's also dated. And bad. One day, about the time of his impeachment, Bill Clinton found a Genie's bottle on the beach. Bill rubbed the bottle and a Genie came out, promising (don't they always?) three wishes. Bill's first wish was that the scandal had ever happened in the first place. The genie snapped her fingers and none of it had happened. Bill's second wish was for Hillary not to say too much that might make things worse. The Genie snapped her fingers and Hillary's mouth sealed tight. For his last wish, Bill Clinton wished for his love handles to disappear. The genie snapped her fingers, and Monica's ears fell off.— October 10, 2009 9:55 p.m.
Serial Blogger
A cowboy was riding his horse accross his pasture. A snake spooked his horse and bucked the cowboy off. The cowboy cursed at the snake and yelled "Don't bite me!" The snake said "I'm a genie snake, I won't bite you - but I will give you three wishes. What would you like me to grant you?" The cowboy thought for a minute. Then said "A million dollars in the bank." The snake said, "Granted, next." Again the cowboy thought. Then said "The most beautiful wife in the world." The snake said, "Granted, next." Then with a great big smile on his face he said "I want to be hung like my horse." The snake said "Granted" and slithered off. The cowboy got on his horse and rode home as fast as the horse would take him. He ran into the house and into his bedroom. There stretched across his bed in a sexy negligee was the most beautiful woman in the world. So he picked up the phone called the bank and asked for his balance. The bank told him he had one million and forty nine dollars. He rushed into the bathroom. Unzipped his pants and let out the most blood curdling cry. "I forgot I was riding Old Nellie"— October 10, 2009 9:54 p.m.