I ran into an old friend from high school and he said something I thought was a bit hurtful. He said, “I’ve seen your stories in the Reader. The parties are fun to read about. But your blog…you kinda come across as a bit grumpy.”

I immediately said “F*** you!”

Okay, I didn’t say that. But only because it would’ve proved him right.

And, it’s a complaint I’ve heard before. It’s also a complaint I’m not sure I understand completely.

People say Andy Rooney appears grumpy. And if you ever meet him, he’s a thousand times grumpier.

Yet I’m the friendliest person you’ll ever know. I help my friends move. I drive friends to airports. I go out of my way to find them the perfect card or gift, depending on the occasion.

But when I’m blogging, I usually like to pick some news item. I think it’s a bit more fun then writing that I had pancakes for breakfast, and that I used way to much syrup.

And there are so many things about celebrities or our legal system, that just tick me off. How can I not rant about it? That doesn’t mean I’m grumpy. It just means I feel passionately about my stance. It also doesn’t mean I can’t change my mind, if people post arguments I hadn’t considered.

Now, with all that being said…let the grumpiness begin.

I wake up to see Paul Shaffer on The View. The first question they ask is about Letterman, and he mentions his dad being a lawyer and how he legally can’t comment on the situation. So, this group of dingbat women ask again. I suppose they think he’ll answer on the second attempt.

Now, I don’t fault the show for booking him. Any show, would book anyone, that has anything to do with Letterman. Although, I would think that Paul would have a few clever things to say about the situation. Steve Martin did when he appeared on the various shows. And Martin has nothing to do with the Letterman show!

Then I open my email, and see a story someone has sent me about that 72-year-old woman that was tasered by the cops. At the time, I did a blog saying I was happy she got zapped. She was resisting arrest and refusing to provide the officer with information and ID. And she dared him to tase her.

Okay, maybe someone daring you to tase them doesn’t warrant it. Maybe if she double or triple-dared him. But the reason I didn’t fault the officer is because he probably didn’t have many other alternatives. Had he tackled and cuffed her, that would’ve been a PR nightmare as well.

So, what happens in this situation? This old bat gets a $40,000 settlement. Yep. Taxpayer money, going to some old lady that shouldn’t even be on the roads.

Yeah, go ahead. Call me grumpy. But I’m never going to be an old person that shouts at cops that pull me over.

I read a few emails from friends about the baseball playoffs. And I wonder…do my friends even know me? I’ve never cared for baseball.

But one of the stories I found interesting. Because, it didn’t deal with the Phillies-Rockies match-up.

Phillies slugger Ryan Howard hit his 200th home run recently. I didn’t think that was any kind of milestone, but apparently it is. He’s the fastest player in baseball to ever reach 200.

A 12-year-old girl caught the ball, but the player wanted to keep it. So he charged the stands with a baseball bat, threatening her.

Okay, I made that last line up to see if you were paying attention.

Team officials quickly brought the kid into the locker room and traded her an autographed baseball for the home run ball.

She decided she had buyers remorse (for lack of a better word). That was probably brought on by parents realizing a baseball that breaks records, also breaks records at auctions. I remember Charlie Sheen paying hundreds of thousands for the Bill Buckner ball, and that didn’t even involve a single home run!

The funny thing is that the lawyer involved, said that the girl was complaining about how she wanted the original ball, to show all her friends. Not sure why she couldn’t show her friends the autographed ball, and tell them the story. Why not just be honest, and say “The girl didn’t realize that the ball she had was worth thousands of dollars. This autographed baseball isn’t really worth much.” Sure, it doesn’t sound as good. But it’s honest. And it’s not like the BS story you throw out there, anyone with half a brain is going to believe.

The lawyer filed a lawsuit on Monday, and by the end of the day, the Phillies coughed up the original ball (yeah, right).

The only reason I’m not angrier at this girl and her family is…she was escorted to the Phillies clubhouse alone. Now, why in the world would that be allowed to happen? Hasn’t anyone heard of Jerry Lee Lewis or Roman Polanski? Or about kids that confess to things, only to have it thrown out in court because parents, guardians, and lawyers weren’t there representing the minor.

I wonder if the kid had to give back her autographed baseball. And, I also wonder…when this ball pops up on eBay, will the player that hit the homerun bid on it? And, what with this girl say her reason is for selling it?

“Oh…all my friends have seen it now. That’s why I’m selling it.”

More like this:


PistolPete Oct. 8, 2009 @ 12:28 p.m.

Since we're in list mode,here we go: 1.-You're not grumpy,Josh. A bit staid and boring but not grumpy. I'm grumpy. 2.-Paul Shaffer is about as interesting as a block of wood. 3.-I remember that video. She should've got a swift kick in the ass but not tazered. 4.-The Phillies should be ashamed of themselves. They took full advantage of that girl. Although,if that girl was any kind of fan,she'd have known what it was worth when MLB officials gave her the VIP treatment. I seriously doubt she's going to get much money for the homerun"ball".


Bean08 Oct. 8, 2009 @ 5:05 p.m.

$40K settlement for getting what she deserved? I don't care how old she is/was ~ I hate stupid people. And the girl with the baseball?? uh, it's the Phillies ~ really, who cares? (so, now with this post ~ will I be considered grumpy too?! 'am in good company!!! LOL)


Josh Board Oct. 9, 2009 @ 1:16 a.m.

Well Bean, a friend of mine at racquetball tonight brought up a good point. The fact that she said "I dare you to taze me," and he did, means he got personally involved in the situation, when a cop has to be above that. Whereas, had the cop said "I'm going to taze you, not because you are daring me to. But because I'm asking you to comply with my orders, and you're not doing so. So...I'll ask you again."

At that point, he can ask her again and if she doesn't comply IMMEDIATELY, give her a jolt.


towelheadedcameljockey Oct. 9, 2009 @ 8:55 a.m.

"People say Andy Rooney appears grumpy. And if you ever meet him, he’s a thousand times grumpier."

-I'll never be able to read these blogs again without Andy Rooney's voice reciting them

"Why not just be honest, and say “The girl didn’t realize that the ball she had was worth thousands of dollars. This autographed baseball isn’t really worth much.” Sure, it doesn’t sound as good. But it’s honest."



Josh Board Oct. 9, 2009 @ 10:10 a.m.

I was telling a racquetball partner about this in the sauna last night and he brought up a good idea. He said the Phillies should've said, "Really? You want the ball back because you want to tell your friends the story about it. Well, how about this. The player will do a show-and-tell with your class, at your school. You can stand up and tell the story, and point out the guy that actually hit his 200th home run."

There was a movie a few months back called "Sugar". It was about minor league baseball, mainly dealing with players from the DOminican Republic. The movie was okay, but critics acted like it was the best sports movie since Rocky. It did have some great moments, and one was when the player gave the first home run ball...no wait, he was a pitcher. He gave some significant ball used in a game, to her. And he regretted doing it months later, when the girl wasn't interested. And it was looking like he might not ever have a milestone moment like that.


KarenBP Oct. 9, 2009 @ 11:33 a.m.

I still can't believe the shennanigans around that girl with the Ryan Howard HR ball. Aren't the 15 minutes of her fame up yet? Do you remember the screaming match ol' Phil Nevin had in Philly a few years ago, swearing in front of some young female fan? It's fuzzy in my head but i recall something weird with that.

And i'm with Pistol Pete about ol' Paul Shaffer. One of the few Jews i just don't need to hear about.

<3 anti-Grumpy KarenBP


Josh Board Oct. 9, 2009 @ 3:26 p.m.

It always amazes me when people agree with Pete on things...hehehehe. But yeah, Shaffer, to me, has long been one of the worst sidekicks in history. Great musician. Great in Spinal Tap. Not so much on the show. He adds nothing. I did love when The View ladies asked him if he was gay. He always sounded like he was, and I know he has two kids and a wife, but still. I guess they asked because he wrote the song "It's Raining Men." Not the type of song a straight guy would right, I guess.

I don't remember the Nevin thing. I remember Sir Charles Barkley spitting on an 8-year-old girl in the stands. He was trying to hit the guy heckling above her. Geez, to think you have that much control over who you spit at in a crowd.

Oh, but back to Shaffer. You say "one of the few Jews you don't need to hear about." I can give you a list of about 100. But I'll refrain. Jews are touchy about lists.


PistolPete Oct. 9, 2009 @ 3:52 p.m.

Jews are touchy about everything. D'oh! Did I just type that?...lol! I always love it when people get butthurt over the truth.


Josh Board Oct. 9, 2009 @ 4:01 p.m.

Pete, didn't you get "butthurt" before? Sorry. Too soon??

I'm a Jew (well, half Jew)...so I can say that.


PistolPete Oct. 9, 2009 @ 4:07 p.m.

LMAO! It's NEVER too soon. Trust me,Josh,I can certainly take what I dish out. Half a Jew? Just the Passover part? :-D


Josh Board Oct. 10, 2009 @ 12:50 a.m.

Which half, you guys ask. The bottom half of my body. I've been snipped. And...it's the part that carries around my wallet in the back pocket!


Josh Board Oct. 10, 2009 @ 12:51 a.m.

Oh...and my favorite joke on that topic is: I'm half Jewish. So, I go to confession. But when I do, I bring my attorney with me.

(I'm here all week, folks. Try the veal)


Russ Lewis Oct. 10, 2009 @ 4 a.m.

By "Which half?" I meant Mom or Dad. Judaism is matrilinear, so if your mom's Jewish, you're Jewish.


David Dodd Oct. 10, 2009 @ 4:16 a.m.

Dude, the matrilinear aspect of Jewishness only counts with the Rabbi. If only dad's a Jew, you're still connected ;)


Russ Lewis Oct. 10, 2009 @ 4:22 a.m.

OK, then my Jewish friends misinformed me. Never mind, Josh.


SurfPuppy619 Oct. 10, 2009 @ 8:26 a.m.

The Phillies tried to railroad a 12 year old girl...they deserved to get their fannies sued off......they are lucky she didn't make them pay punitive damages.


Josh Board Oct. 10, 2009 @ 11:05 a.m.

Russl...my Jewish friends have told me the same thing yours have. My mom is Jewish, my dad was Catholic. As was my stepdad. So maybe technically I am all Jewish. I'm not practicing, though. And, have never set foot in a Synogogue or Temple. The only time I've worn one of those yamukas, was at a cousins wedding. I felt like an employee of Hot Dog on a Stick!


Russ Lewis Oct. 10, 2009 @ 11:35 a.m.

For what it's worth, Josh, I was told (as you probably were too) that in Biblical times, the women were raped so often by conquering armies that the only sure way to trace your lineage was through the women. Makes sense, but what is it with soldiers committing rape? I've been told by a lady friend in the Army that it's particularly common for men to do that after a skirmish. That's something I've never experienced, and so I speak as an outsider, but I don't understand how that drives a man to commit rape and certainly don't see how that justifies it. If anyone can shed light on this, I'd love to hear it.


rickeysays Oct. 10, 2009 @ 11:33 p.m.

Too much testosterone, too little empathy.


antigeekess Oct. 10, 2009 @ 11:52 p.m.

russl noted:

"For what it's worth, Josh, I was told (as you probably were too) that in Biblical times, the women were raped so often by conquering armies that the only sure way to trace your lineage was through the women."

It wasn't just the women who were raped, as my YouTube friend K explains here:


Crissyst Oct. 12, 2009 @ 3:16 p.m.

Josh, steam room sounds more manly than "sauna".


Josh Board Oct. 12, 2009 @ 11:43 p.m.

Dang it, that's a very good point. I used to laugh when Craig Kilborne (the best late night show host ever) would talk about going to the steam room and having a spritzer. He'd always twirl his head a bit, and my friend insisted he was gay because of it.

But hey...those two guys just died in that sweat lodge thing, so maybe it'll all sound manly again. I mean, doing something that could cause death...nothing more manly than that!


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