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Scott Marks

Scott Marks is a Reader contributor. See staff page for published articles.

Why the (Bleep) Am I Watching Jackass?

"I thought it was cruel to mock people for their compassion and concern." Me, too. Yeah. Right. You should have seen the "kill the messenger" glint in Valerie's eyes when I first exposed her to the baby-on-the-roof gag. The alternating looks of repulsion and fascination was reminiscent of someone who had just seen the curtain-shot from "Pink Flamingos" for the first time. The following week brought grown men (and a hot chick) vomiting eggnog followed by Dave Englund pretending to be homeless and eating Hershey's syrup from a diaper he found strategically placed in a nearby trash can. We have seen countless films on TV -- she owes me big time for her encyclopedic knowledge of Bob Hope vehicles -- but unless Valerie makes a rare cameo at a press screening, we seldom occupy the same theatre. "Jackass" is different. David "Infidel" Elliott is not a fan of the series and quit after Part 1. Valerie fails to mention that I was with her at each theatrical showing of the trilogy. Valerie is a lifelong friend. From her flows knowledge of classical music, dance, and decorum -- not normally my strong suits. During Val's tenure at SDNN she proved to be a more than capable and extremely knowledgeable (and patient) editor. In exchange I introduced her to a band of tawdry mental patients eager to take a doody bath in an upside-down Port-O-San while photographed in the screen-piercing grandeur of 3D. We're even! She is normally the snob and I the slob. I would much rather watch reruns of *The Joey Bishop Show* featuring Abby Dalton than fight off insomnia during Scher-favorite, *Downton Abbey*. Now if only next month Scher will share with *The Big Screen* her sudden conversion to The 3 Stooges several years after we met. Better yet, let's go out and hoist a dozen glasses of eggnog together!
— April 9, 2012 12:30 p.m.

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