One prong of the operation involves placing vintage travel posters along the border wall in an effort to get migrants from the Northern Triangle to reconsider the virtues of the places they have left behind. Says Turnback, “I look at these images and think, ‘Who wouldn’t want to live there?’ It’s like the song says: you never know what you’ve got til it’s gone,’ or at least until it’s 1600 miles behind you. Sure, there are troubles, but you know what? You can’t get away from your troubles by running. Or walking, for that matter. You’ve got to stand and face them. Besides, it’s not like we don’t have troubles of our own on this side of the border fence. Sure, everybody wants to come live in a country that elected Joe Biden president, especially after he said they should come during the debates. But this is also a country that elected Donald Trump just five years ago. Clearly, we’ve got some issues, issues that should give anyone pause. Plus, murders are way, way up. So are suicides. You’ve got mass shootings, hate crimes, systemic racism... Sometimes, I’m amazed we even have to make the case for staying at home.”

“The President of the United States believes that families are the bedrock of a healthy society,” says Sam Turnback, head of the Biden Administration’s Operation Staycation. “That may seem obvious, but when you hear that the US Government detained more than 11,000 unaccompanied minors at its southern border in the first three weeks of March alone, you realize that something’s been lost in translation. People have got to understand that what a child needs, more than anything, is a stable home life in the care of loving parents. That’s what’s going to make for a healthy, productive, decent member of society. Not some pie in the sky dream of striking out on your own while you’re just a teenager and chasing economic fairies and their tales of the Promised Land. And one way to build a stable home life is to have dedicated time set aside to staying home as a family - a staycation, if you will. Time to play games, time for generations to talk to one another, time to make memories that will last a lifetime. To facilitate this, we’re sending over four million Spanish-language, locally themed Monopoly board games to countries throughout Central America, along with free DVDs of Coco, the wonderful Pixar movie built around the traditional Hispanic holiday Dia De Los Muertos. We hope the recipients ‘Remember Us’ and our message that the border is closed. We’re also sending in some Black Ops teams to help deal with the cartels, but that’s not really my department.”