You stay classy, San Diego.
BREAKING: SD on the QT has spoken with a senior Major League Baseball official regarding the “profound unease” that the Padres have created. Said the official, “Look, baseball is essentially dull in comparison to other sports. But it survives on the strength of tradition and history, and part of that tradition and history is the idea of unwritten rules, the kind that San Diego keeps breaking. First it was Tatis Jr. swinging away on 3-0. Then it was the unconscionable number of grand slams — what is it, seven now? They’re supposed to be special, you know? The kind of thing you talk about seeing for years afterward. Now fans are going to be disappointed if the bases get loaded and somebody DOESN’T hit it out of the park. And baseball can’t handle much more in the way of fan disappointment, not after we stuck a DH into the National League and started conjuring up free runners in extra innings. Now comes this majestic ‘dugout double bird,’ which is egregious enough that we’re actually looking into whether or not it breaks a written rule as well as an unwritten one. You’ve got to understand the concern here: individually, none of these events are a big deal. But taken together, they indicate a habitual disregard for unwritten rules, which has us understandably concerned about whether the Padres will actually attempt to break the biggest unwritten rule of all and win a major sports championship for San Diego. I think we can all agree that 2020 has seen enough cataclysm without that.”