Shockwaves shook the cultural landscape today as longtime allies the Magic Kingdom and the Fabulous Queendom clashed over the latter’s use of the former’s intellectual property at a local public event. At a Drag Queen Story Hour event held at the Chula Vista public library’s main branch, drag queens Raquel-Ita and Barbie Q read stories of tolerance and identity exploration to a cheering crowd of 300 parents and children. But it was after the reading that things got complicated, at least from a corporate standpoint, as both queens performed lip-synced versions of Disney songs as scenes from the source movies — The Little Mermaid and Moana — played on the stage’s video display.
“Disney wants to be the number one entertainment destination for the whole world,” said Spokesmouse Kid Friendly in a statement, “and that includes everybody: young and old, black and white, gay and straight, religious and atheist, you name it. We recently demonstrated our commitment to LGBTQIA+ representation by letting the simpering toady LeFou have a moment at the end of Beauty and the Beast, by including the gay mourner in Captain America’s post-oh-snap support group in Avengers: Endgame, and of course, by removing any trace of limping, scheming homosexuality from Scar in the Lion King remake. But there comes a time when you have to put politics aside and just do what’s right for your brand. These people are not helping make their cause more appealing to children through the use of Disney imagery. They’re just…not. I mean, we’re the people who gave you superhero bromance and Tony Stark saying that Steve Rogers had America’s ass. We’re on your side. But Queens are not Princesses, you know? Go ahead and read your books about inclusion to kids; just don’t include us. I know we didn’t sue to stop Wally Wood’s Disneyland Memorial Orgy poster, but that was a long time ago. Back then, you could count on the counterculture to stay away from your bottom line. Now — well, it’s worth remembering that Cloud Atlas, a film which includes a powerful message about not bowing to oppressive authorities, had to cut 40 minutes in order to get a release in China. Please don’t make us take you out behind Mickey’s Clubhouse for a legal spanking.”