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Why isn't there Amerivision?

California could kick in the occasional gangsta rap-surf-punk-norteño fusion number

Eurovision chicken dance
Eurovision chicken dance

Dear Hipster:

I have no opinion on the chicken song, but I sort of wonder, why doesn’t the US have something like the Eurovision Song Contest?

— Denny

Beats the heck outta me. I would love to see Alabama’s contribution to a 50-state feel-good pop song throwdown. California could kick in the occasional gangsta rap-surf-punk-norteño fusion number. As for, say, Montana, I can’t even... songs about buffalo? Whatever it is, I would eagerly tune in every year to see what kind of weirdness the several states produced. Of course, by “tune in” I mean “watch the recaps and read the angry online think pieces,” but that’s close enough for rock ‘n’ roll. Therein lies the problem. Anything a hipster like me would giggle over with ironic delight is virtually guaranteed to land far afield of mainstream American sensibilities.

Dear Hipster:

It seems like just last week the sun was below the horizon before I got out of work, but already the daylight stretches on late enough for me to catch a sunset patio drink even after a full day in the office. For my part, the arrival of the long days of summer is cause for celebration. I like the warmth, the endless sunlight, the beach days, the cookouts and yard parties, and pretty much anything there is to like about summer. On the other hand, I like the cool of winter (no need to pay for air conditioning but you still get to gloat at the rest of the icy cold world), the substantial reduction in tourism, the improved surf, and the chance to catch up on much needed rest during the cool evenings with their early sunsets. Now, I idly wonder whether any particular season is the most hipster season, the “coolest” season, if you will. Enlighten us.

— Anna

In a very general sense, most hipsters consider themselves above the plebeian changing of the seasons. At the very least, they dislike them all equally. Summer too hot, winter too cold, spring too springy, et cetera. Further, very few traditionally hipster pastimes and activities rely on any particular season. One can, for example, drink gallons of hoppy IPA in March just as well as December. Non-hipster stuff, on the other hand, can be very season-dependent, like how pumpkin spice lattes are only available in the fall, or how those sleepaway camps for adults are kind of a summer phenomenon.

As an aside, in case anyone thought “summer camp for grownups” sounds like a hipster thing to do, it totally isn’t, at least not in practice. The adult summer camp scene usually involves lots of dance music, flip-cup games, and guys named “Bryson” with tribal tattoos. It’s basic bro central.

The only real hipster consideration vis-a-vis the seasons is, when are there fewer tourists around? Hipsters take great pleasure in achieving status as “locals,” whatever that means in 2018, when it seems like everybody lives everywhere, and the only thing locals agree on is how annoying tourists and other non-locals are. Thus, gathering with other hipsters to bemoan the ingress of tourists during the hot tourism season fills hipsters with a sense of smug superiority that almost looks like happiness if you kind of squint your eyes and shake your head back and forth.

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Eurovision chicken dance
Eurovision chicken dance

Dear Hipster:

I have no opinion on the chicken song, but I sort of wonder, why doesn’t the US have something like the Eurovision Song Contest?

— Denny

Beats the heck outta me. I would love to see Alabama’s contribution to a 50-state feel-good pop song throwdown. California could kick in the occasional gangsta rap-surf-punk-norteño fusion number. As for, say, Montana, I can’t even... songs about buffalo? Whatever it is, I would eagerly tune in every year to see what kind of weirdness the several states produced. Of course, by “tune in” I mean “watch the recaps and read the angry online think pieces,” but that’s close enough for rock ‘n’ roll. Therein lies the problem. Anything a hipster like me would giggle over with ironic delight is virtually guaranteed to land far afield of mainstream American sensibilities.

Dear Hipster:

It seems like just last week the sun was below the horizon before I got out of work, but already the daylight stretches on late enough for me to catch a sunset patio drink even after a full day in the office. For my part, the arrival of the long days of summer is cause for celebration. I like the warmth, the endless sunlight, the beach days, the cookouts and yard parties, and pretty much anything there is to like about summer. On the other hand, I like the cool of winter (no need to pay for air conditioning but you still get to gloat at the rest of the icy cold world), the substantial reduction in tourism, the improved surf, and the chance to catch up on much needed rest during the cool evenings with their early sunsets. Now, I idly wonder whether any particular season is the most hipster season, the “coolest” season, if you will. Enlighten us.

— Anna

In a very general sense, most hipsters consider themselves above the plebeian changing of the seasons. At the very least, they dislike them all equally. Summer too hot, winter too cold, spring too springy, et cetera. Further, very few traditionally hipster pastimes and activities rely on any particular season. One can, for example, drink gallons of hoppy IPA in March just as well as December. Non-hipster stuff, on the other hand, can be very season-dependent, like how pumpkin spice lattes are only available in the fall, or how those sleepaway camps for adults are kind of a summer phenomenon.

As an aside, in case anyone thought “summer camp for grownups” sounds like a hipster thing to do, it totally isn’t, at least not in practice. The adult summer camp scene usually involves lots of dance music, flip-cup games, and guys named “Bryson” with tribal tattoos. It’s basic bro central.

The only real hipster consideration vis-a-vis the seasons is, when are there fewer tourists around? Hipsters take great pleasure in achieving status as “locals,” whatever that means in 2018, when it seems like everybody lives everywhere, and the only thing locals agree on is how annoying tourists and other non-locals are. Thus, gathering with other hipsters to bemoan the ingress of tourists during the hot tourism season fills hipsters with a sense of smug superiority that almost looks like happiness if you kind of squint your eyes and shake your head back and forth.

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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