Super sweet vans in which to drive around and smoke weed
  • Super sweet vans in which to drive around and smoke weed
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Dear Hipster:

Why do hipsters like the ’60s and the ’80s but not the ’70s?

— Lance

Because nobody likes the ’70s. Even if people like stuff from the ’70s — such as Blondie, “Stairway to Heaven,” super sweet vans in which to drive around and smoke weed, Smokey and the Bandit, Jaws, short shorts for everyone, and Egg McMuffins — the actual decade will live on in infamy as the era of disco and Watergate.

Dear Hipster:

Well, I think I have just about exhausted my creative inquiries vis-à-vis the regional hipsters of far-flung foreign lands. The hipsterverse is a complicated place. As a final query (and then I promise I’ll leave you alone), did I forget about any geographically unique populations of hipsters?

— Janelle

It’s probably just an old sailors’ legend, but they say that there are tiny islands, little more than atolls, really, out there in the Pacific where populations of endemic hipsters have evolved in almost perfect isolation from other hipsters or the world. As if to vex and boggle the minds of scientists, these autochthonous hipsters have evolved many, many of the common hipster traits you know and love. Hipsterologists have theorized that this suggests a basic genetic advantage to tattoo sleeves and craft-beer consumption, but, as some people like to say about evolution and global warming, “It’s just a theory.”

Anyway, don’t forget about Australian hipsters, who are usually just pretending to be hipsters in order to take a break from punching kangaroos.

You never asked about the iconic Brooklyn hipster, but so much has been said already that it hardly bears repeating.

I was trying to remember if I had ever heard of any hipsters from Florida, but I think the Sunshine State is legit inhospitable to hipsterkind, sort of like how there are no snakes in Ireland, because, even though they could technically live there, they haven’t gotten around to settling the territory yet for some reason or another. Finally, I would be remiss in my duties if I failed to mention Japanese hipsters, who have managed to perfect hipster culture into something at once efficient, sanitary, and magnificent.

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