"Hey, wait a second. Are you that guy from the Reader?</em?"
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"Hey, wait a second. Are you that guy from the Reader?</em?"

"Hey, wait a second. Are you that guy from the Reader?

Pee Wee and Me

"Julia" was always one of my favorite Beatles ballads. Now it would be one of my favorite party people. She called to invite me to her Pee Wee Herman party. I refrained from making a joke about him in the movie theater and listened as she explained that they often have theme parties at her complex in Pacific Beach. She said, "The last one was Hulk Hogan. That was fun. Before that, it was a Caddyshack/country club theme."When I pulled onto Chalcedony, I wasn't surprised by how hard it was to park. This was P.B on a Saturday night. I didn't realize, though, that every other house would be having a party.

Jan. 6, 2005 | Read full article

"Are you that damn reporter? You're leaving this party now!"

"Are you that damn reporter? You're leaving this party now!"

The Fog Thickens

As I made my way to the kitchen, after being there a total of 12 minutes, I saw a guy talking to two women. He was clearly drunk, his body swaying as he talked loudly. I put my hand on his shoulder and said to the gals, "It looks like he's had too much to drink." He grabbed my hand and said, "What are you saying? Are you that damn reporter? You're leaving this party now!" He then grabbed my arms and was pushing me toward the door. The women pleaded with him to calm down. He looked back, saying, "This guy is going to write all this dirt about us. Fuck that! I'm getting rid of him." Since I wasn't moving and he was trying to move me, he said, "Don't make this any harder, man. I can casually walk you out, or we can do this the hard way."

Jan. 13, 2005 | Read full article

 Anne's writing a book about tuna fishermen. I was just thankful she didn't spend her time at the party telling me all about the book.

Anne's writing a book about tuna fishermen. I was just thankful she didn't spend her time at the party telling me all about the book.

Lost (and Found) in Translation

I showed up at Anne's brother's place in Point Loma. She told me a lot of the Portuguese tuna fishermen live in this area. Her father is a retired fisherman, but she has a brother in the business. She's writing a book about tuna fishermen. I was just thankful she didn't spend her time at the party telling me all about the book. So often at parties people tell me of a novel, CD, or screenplay they are working on. Sometimes it's interesting, but when people spend an hour telling you details of something that you didn't care about to begin with, you can start to nod off. (Thanks for not doing that, Anne; can't wait for the book.)

Jan. 20, 2005 | Read full article

They told me about being in Balboa Park and walking around holding hands and how they saw men driving around. I told them Bruce Springsteen wrote a song called "Balboa Park" about the young boys who work there as prostitutes.

They told me about being in Balboa Park and walking around holding hands and how they saw men driving around. I told them Bruce Springsteen wrote a song called "Balboa Park" about the young boys who work there as prostitutes.

Waiting for the Ball to Drop

When New Year's Eve rolled around, I was surprised to not be inundated with party invites. I did get one from a woman named Sally, whom I'd known back in my junior-high days. Then on December 31 I got a call from my friend Roxanne. She was having a party that started at 9:00 p.m. Since the forecast called for rain, I didn't want to drive from Del Mar to Santee in pouring rain. I told Rox I couldn't make it and gave her a hard time for inviting me at the last minute (and I wonder, if I didn't write this column, would she have invited me at all?). When I showed up at Sally's place, she gave me a tour of their house. When I mentioned something about Santee, she told me they actually live in Fletcher Hills.

Jan. 27, 2005 | Read full article

"Fernando throws the best parties. He owns a bunch of bars in TJ, and he has many friends."

"Fernando throws the best parties. He owns a bunch of bars in TJ, and he has many friends."

Intercourse Wine

I found my notes on parties I went to in December that I forgot to write about. I figured when I wrote about New Year's I was done with 2004. But this night of partying was interesting, since it brought me from the College Area to Tijuana. Robert, who invited me to his company's holiday get-together (he works for Sprint), couldn't have been nicer. Parking was horrible, and he told me to park in his spot at the apartment complex. When I walked in, he gave me a cigar. He had read that I enjoyed them and was nice enough to get me one. When I looked at the band around it, I laughed. It said "Amish cigar." Robert said, "We went to Pennsylvania and it was weird. My mom was freaked out by the Amish people. They sell all these things.”

Feb. 3, 2005 | Read full article

Tony had his friend's name, birthday, and place of death tattooed on his arm in large letters. He said, "Yeah, talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve."

Tony had his friend's name, birthday, and place of death tattooed on his arm in large letters. He said, "Yeah, talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve."

War and Peace

The night after attending a party, I was invited to another party hosted by Mike, one of the DJs. It was at a house in the Del Cerro area near SDSU. Mike lives at this place with his brother John, who's a teacher at a performing-arts school. When you drive to a DJ/bass player's house for a party, you aren't expecting to see a huge two-story house on a hill overlooking the city.

I don't usually ask people how they can afford such houses, but since Mike is going to SDSU and playing bass in a band and John is living on a teacher's wage, I had to know how they got this place with its view of the city. John said, "My dad is a lawyer and works for the woman who owns the place.”

March 31, 2005 | Read full article

One guy was munching on nachos he bought at Alberto's the night before. When he burped, the guy sitting next to him said, "This may sound gross, but that burp smelled good."

One guy was munching on nachos he bought at Alberto's the night before. When he burped, the guy sitting next to him said, "This may sound gross, but that burp smelled good."

Poker 101

The next poker game I went to was in Pacific Beach. A guy I had met at a previous party invited me. It turned out to be another Texas Hold 'Em game. I groaned, but this one was only a $5 buy-in.

And there were some interesting conversations. One guy was complaining about using up his two-week free membership at 24 Hour Fitness and now being bugged about buying a membership. One guy was munching on nachos he bought at Alberto's the night before. He offered us some, but leftover nachos just didn't sound appetizing. When he burped, the guy sitting next to him said, "This may sound gross, but that burp smelled good."

By Josh Board, June 30, 2005 | Read full article

As the cops were emptying the beer cans, a Vietnamese guy who had been over a few times previously to collect our empty aluminum cans came back, patiently waiting for his big score. Someone said, "Is it even worth it for him? That's like, what, 80 cents?"

As the cops were emptying the beer cans, a Vietnamese guy who had been over a few times previously to collect our empty aluminum cans came back, patiently waiting for his big score. Someone said, "Is it even worth it for him? That's like, what, 80 cents?"

Beach Blanket Bocci

I found out about a beach party from my friend Bonnie. It was in Ocean Beach, the same day as the street fair. Trying to find parking at 2:00 p.m. sucked. I made the trek to the beach with Bonnie and her husband Randy.

We set up our chairs by the keg. I overheard someone say, "Damn, that's a good idea."

I was making fun of the fact that Bonnie's second toe was larger than her big toe. A guy overheard this and showed us his feet. His second toe looked to be about an inch longer than his big toe. The guy's wife said, "My mom used to say that means you're smart." I said, "She should've just said to keep those mutant toes covered up." Bonnie punched me in the arm.

By Josh Board, July 7, 2005 | Read full article

The girls at the party all said they swallow the Jell-O without chewing it. One said, "It's such a small amount, why chew it?"

The girls at the party all said they swallow the Jell-O without chewing it. One said, "It's such a small amount, why chew it?"

Firework Follies

I was invited to a few 4th of July parties, but the first call I got was for a party in Alpine, and I didn't want to rush back to San Diego for the other ones. I stayed there the entire night. When Megan called to invite me, she said, "I met you at a party a year and a half ago. Remember that party where everyone was playing volleyball in the rooms and the cops came?"

I remembered a girl was passed out, and she was the volleyball net. I said, "Were you the net?" She laughed and said, "No. I was the one talking to the police."

By Josh Board, July 14, 2005 | Read full article

"One time the hindquarter tumbled onto the beach as I was removing the meal for 150 people. Once it hits the sand, you can't just wipe it off."

"One time the hindquarter tumbled onto the beach as I was removing the meal for 150 people. Once it hits the sand, you can't just wipe it off."

10-4, Pig for BBQ

I was invited to a pig roast that has a website devoted to the event. Bruce Dahl's website has stories posted from past parties, which he has been hosting each year for the past 14 years. During his first party, the police were called to investigate the bones that were thrown in the garbage. The bones ended up on the beach at Crown Point the next day. Dahl told me, "We clean up everything. So, either seagulls took them out of the trash, or a transient. I once saw a bird drag off a five-pound bag of tortilla chips... The bones wouldn't have been a problem for them." The police concluded that they were human bones, and the story was all over the news for a few days.

By Josh Board, July 21, 2005 | Read full article

"Hey, he's going away to college. I need to get kisses from him now, while I still can."

"Hey, he's going away to college. I need to get kisses from him now, while I still can."

Inflatable Joust

In June I got a call about Patrick Henry High's grad-night event at Party Pals in Sorrento Valley, not far from where I live. I had three other parties to go to that night (tough life, huh?), but the grad-night event didn't start until 11:00 p.m.I got to Party Pals around 1:30 a.m.

One couple started kissing by the fire. I later saw them kissing by one of the rock-climbing courses. I asked them if they felt uncomfortable being affectionate with each other with their teachers and parents around. The guy said, "No way, man. Maybe they can watch me and learn a few things." His girlfriend laughed and said, "Hey, he's going away to college. I need to get kisses from him now, while I still can."

By Josh Board, Aug. 4, 2005 | Read full article

One couple was talking about a kitten that came inside their house, and their dog killed it. They brought their dog to an animal psychiatrist to make sure it wouldn't kill a child.

One couple was talking about a kitten that came inside their house, and their dog killed it. They brought their dog to an animal psychiatrist to make sure it wouldn't kill a child.

Must Love Dogs

Last month, Norma and Joe of Rancho Bernardo had a luau-themed party for their dog's first birthday. I'm not sure if that meant dog years. I'm not sure the dog realized that this event was for him. It never stopped yapping. That party was scheduled from 4:00 p.m. to midnight. When I got there at 4:00, there weren't many people, and Norma and Joe were setting up tents and tiki torches.

I grabbed a glass of wine and joined the few people who were there. A little girl was offered five bucks to eat a dog biscuit. She was willing to, but they couldn't find one. A guy said, "It has to be a big one, not one of those tiny biscuits." One guest brought liver treats for the dog, but I don't think those were part of the wager.

By Josh Board, Aug. 18, 2005 | Read full article

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