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The Reader's funniest stories

San Diego to move to L.A., Mayor O'Connor homeless in Balboa Park, how to avoid hugs, Horton Plaza fashion, Dr. Seuss's Trap a Jap

There was a war on?
There was a war on?
Once Leonard Bernstein smiled at little Henry on an airplane. And there he goes, conducting the entire concert from row M of the balcony.


The Smell of the Crowd

Who goes to theater and classical music concerts, broken into types.

"Her pierced earlobes hold up elaborate, finely wrought mobile sculptures with the most cunning miniature Japanese temple bells in their midst."

By Jonathan Saville, Aug. 4, 1977 | Read the full article


Map showing proposed new location of San Diego. "I see nothing but blue skies going forward. Well, maybe brownish skies."

San Diego in talks to move to Los Angeles

Municipality could head north as early as 2016.

“It was so hot and so dry that we might as well have been in Arizona. As we enter this rebuilding stage and look back over what's happened, one thing becomes clear: this situation is no longer working. San Diego needs to plan for an eventual move to L.A."

By Walter Mencken, Jan. 2, 2015 | Read the full article


Beneath the headline “It’s as hot here as the desert,” is a large, full-color photo of tomboyishly-clad O’Connor and DaRosa parading past a half-naked, black homeless.

A Summer Night's Fever Dream

Mayor O'Connor's night as a homeless person in Balboa Park.

"See the shameless millionaires schlep bottles of Evian and tubes of heavy-gauge sunscreen through this, the City without Pity. See her sycophantic cohort DaRosa brazenly prostitute sacred journalistic values to record the mayor’s exquisite horror slavishly. See them: Sisters in Suffering. Chip and Dale chez the Disappointed."

By Abe Opincar, Sept. 15, 1988 | Read the full article


You could wear an “I Don’t Like Hugs” shirt or hat, but I bet people will see that as a dare.

Caught between a hug and a hard place

You could move, or get a shirt, or maybe just be a jerk.

If you move to somewhere on the East Coast, such as Boston, NYC, or Philadelphia, fewer people will try to hug you, mostly because they’re all too caught up in trying to get ahead.

By DJ Stevens, Jan. 14, 2015 | Read the full article


On the Town

The social scene in San Diego.

"Horton Plaza. A dizzy, busy weekday noon. The perfect place and time to sneak a peek at San Diego fashion fundamentals. Execu-femmes wearing sharply lined suits in this season’s hot parrot’s plumage tones make a beeline for Nordie’s their padded shoulders the perfect defensive tool with which to brush Mervyn’s-bound suburban matrons in polyester flower print blouses out of their path."

By Liz Lang, May 10, 1990 | Read the full article


The art lacks Seuss's later subtlety and wit, but the ambitious rhyming is already in play.


Seuss-SNAFUS!

Mayor accidentally reads wartime propaganda of famous children's author at birthday celebration.

“Someone must have found Trap that Jap!, which bore the ominous subtitle Oh, the Places You'll Go!, when the Mayor asked for Seuss's 1990 book by the same name … let's just say that mistakes were made and never speak of it again, okay?"

By Walter Mencken, March 7, 2015 | Read the full article

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Little Italy landmark gets red marble and white marble

Our Lady of the Rosary – beyond the Genoese fishermen
There was a war on?
There was a war on?
Once Leonard Bernstein smiled at little Henry on an airplane. And there he goes, conducting the entire concert from row M of the balcony.


The Smell of the Crowd

Who goes to theater and classical music concerts, broken into types.

"Her pierced earlobes hold up elaborate, finely wrought mobile sculptures with the most cunning miniature Japanese temple bells in their midst."

By Jonathan Saville, Aug. 4, 1977 | Read the full article


Map showing proposed new location of San Diego. "I see nothing but blue skies going forward. Well, maybe brownish skies."

San Diego in talks to move to Los Angeles

Municipality could head north as early as 2016.

“It was so hot and so dry that we might as well have been in Arizona. As we enter this rebuilding stage and look back over what's happened, one thing becomes clear: this situation is no longer working. San Diego needs to plan for an eventual move to L.A."

By Walter Mencken, Jan. 2, 2015 | Read the full article


Beneath the headline “It’s as hot here as the desert,” is a large, full-color photo of tomboyishly-clad O’Connor and DaRosa parading past a half-naked, black homeless.

A Summer Night's Fever Dream

Mayor O'Connor's night as a homeless person in Balboa Park.

"See the shameless millionaires schlep bottles of Evian and tubes of heavy-gauge sunscreen through this, the City without Pity. See her sycophantic cohort DaRosa brazenly prostitute sacred journalistic values to record the mayor’s exquisite horror slavishly. See them: Sisters in Suffering. Chip and Dale chez the Disappointed."

By Abe Opincar, Sept. 15, 1988 | Read the full article


You could wear an “I Don’t Like Hugs” shirt or hat, but I bet people will see that as a dare.

Caught between a hug and a hard place

You could move, or get a shirt, or maybe just be a jerk.

If you move to somewhere on the East Coast, such as Boston, NYC, or Philadelphia, fewer people will try to hug you, mostly because they’re all too caught up in trying to get ahead.

By DJ Stevens, Jan. 14, 2015 | Read the full article


On the Town

The social scene in San Diego.

"Horton Plaza. A dizzy, busy weekday noon. The perfect place and time to sneak a peek at San Diego fashion fundamentals. Execu-femmes wearing sharply lined suits in this season’s hot parrot’s plumage tones make a beeline for Nordie’s their padded shoulders the perfect defensive tool with which to brush Mervyn’s-bound suburban matrons in polyester flower print blouses out of their path."

By Liz Lang, May 10, 1990 | Read the full article


The art lacks Seuss's later subtlety and wit, but the ambitious rhyming is already in play.


Seuss-SNAFUS!

Mayor accidentally reads wartime propaganda of famous children's author at birthday celebration.

“Someone must have found Trap that Jap!, which bore the ominous subtitle Oh, the Places You'll Go!, when the Mayor asked for Seuss's 1990 book by the same name … let's just say that mistakes were made and never speak of it again, okay?"

By Walter Mencken, March 7, 2015 | Read the full article

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4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
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