Map showing proposed new location of San Diego. "I see nothing but blue skies going forward. Well, maybe brownish skies."

"Obviously, 2014 was a disappointing year for us," said San Diego General Manager Kevin Faulconer at a press conference on Monday. "Going in, there was a lot of hope and excitement following the ouster of disastrous GM Bob Filner and my appointment. And I admit, I thought we had the right pieces in place to make a really successful run. But things just didn't pan out. Our franchise theme park failed to deliver. The Police Department is a decimated mess. Our infrastructure continues to crumble. Even a perennial performer like Comic-Con was lackluster. And to top it off, it was so hot and so dry that we might as well have been in Arizona. As we enter this rebuilding stage and look back over what's happened, one thing becomes clear: this situation is no longer working. San Diego needs to plan for an eventual move to L.A."

"There are, of course, a lot of good reasons to stay here," continued Faulconer. "The weather is great, and traffic isn't too terrible. We've got some lovely views, and everybody loves the Zoo. And of course, there are the fans that have supported San Diego for so many years, and through so many ups and downs. I know that many of them are going to be hugely disappointed, and many of our major players are going to miss their time spent here. But the sad fact is, the City of San Diego's primary obligation is to its owners: the people who have invested in its success, and who need to protect and grow that investment. There's just no getting around the fact that what we've got down here is a small market, and in today's competitive economy, it just doesn't make sense to stay put out of some misguided sense of loyalty. San Diego needs to be where the action is, and right now, that means Los Angeles."

Faulconer went on to outline a proposed deal that would send most of northern Los Angeles to San Diego's current location. "It's true that we give up a lot of beachfront," he admitted. "But really, that was the asset L.A. was after, and it proved essential in our bid to displace over a million of the city's residents. Besides, giving up recreational space for the sake of urban development sends a clear message: San Diego means business. I see nothing but blue skies going forward. Well, maybe brownish skies — the smog's still kind of an issue up there. But you get the point. Besides, don't you all want to be where the Chargers are?"