Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Now Hiring

The Box will stand second to no one in getting game-ready for Sunday's Chargers/Patriots contest. This is the best playoff match-up to date and is required viewing for sports enthusiasts.

But, let's not take our eyes off the ball while we await Sunday's thriller. I don't want you to let this week slip by without taking advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Why not be an NFL head coach?

Al Davis, the owner of the Oakland Raiders, is looking for a new head coach again, and there's no reason why that position shouldn't be yours. Yes, there are some problems, but nothing major. You'll have to get over overtly hating the Raiders. Surely, great gobs of money will engender positive feelings toward the Silver and Black. You'll have to spend part of your week in Oakland. Security contractors, fresh from Iraq, will take care of your needs. You'll have to be easy about being fired at season's end. Two million dollars should make that a pleasant experience.

Sponsored
Sponsored

On the happy side of the street, you don't need to know anything about football. Al has reached the moving-into-the-seventh-floor- of-a-Las-Vegas-hotel, -letting-his-fingernails-grow- to-eight-inches, -peeing-in-bottles-and-mumbling, -"Just-win,-baby" -at-the-door-knob stage of his life. Until a court intervenes, do what he says, no matter how loony it seems to you. Remember, four or five months of doing what the crazy man says equals two million bucks. Tell Al you love the vertical pass. In fact, you love it even better when the vertical pass is combined with the long downfield pass, giving Raider Nation one long, vertical, downfield pass explosion of football ecstasy. Pride and Poise.

You'll be replacing Art Shell, which may be more difficult than it seems. I still can't figure if Shell was stupid or smart. For sure, he was stupid when it came to coaching and personnel; that's not in dispute. But I'm wondering whether he was street-smart or street-stupid. Was he smart enough to know that being an NFL head coach in 2006 would be way over his head? Was he smart enough to sit back and enjoy the paychecks? Smart enough to bring aboard his old buddy, Tom Walsh, the Idaho B&B proprietor, and his equal in incompetence as offensive-coordinator-best-friend? Art's hire reminds me of when the pipeline hit Alaska. I wrote to a friend in Oregon, "It's raining money, get a bucket and come on up."

Art and Tom did seem to be on a long hunting trip, two old friends, camping out, drinking whiskey, and telling lies around the campfire, not caring whether they bagged an elk or not. I loved Art's press conferences. The Raiders lost 14 games, and after every one of them, Shell would appear, face set in cement, and deadpan to the press, "We've got to hold on to the ball," then go home. There's something wonderful about that.

Or, was he stupid-stupid? This is what Shell told reporters on Monday: "Many times, a record is not an indicator, and I know it's wins and losses that count, but I think and believe that we're a better group than we were at the beginning of the year or at any time in the off-season."

He was fired three days later. Art lost the respect of his team during training camp. The Raiders quit in every game I saw them play. Yet from everything that's been said and written, you have to believe Shell thought he was returning for year two.

Let's get back to you and your new job as Raiders head coach. It's possible Davis will retrace his steps. Davis fired Shell the first time after the 1994 season. The next head coach, for two seasons, was Mike White. Then Joe Bugel for one season, Jon Gruden for four seasons, Bill Callahan for two seasons, Norv Turner for one season, and Shell again for one season. So, if Al's making a loop, he'll hire his 1995--'96 coach, Mike White. White was working for Kansas City as director of football administration in 2005, but is not listed in the 2006 Chiefs directory, and therefore, is in need of a job.

Joe Bugel is the offensive assistant head coach for the Washington Redskins. No one now living knows why. He could be a strong candidate. Jon Gruden, soon to be the fired head coach of the Tampa Bay Bucs, will be looking for work. The 2002--'03 Raiders coach, Bill Callahan, was demoted to college football and is now head coach of the University of Nebraska. Norv Turner is the offensive coordinator for the San Francisco 49ers.

Tough competition. Let's hope Al still has the fire to go for a fresh young face. Yours. You could not be any worse than what he's used to.

So, get to it, mail a one-page essay, "Why I want to be a Raiders head coach" to: Mr. Allen Davis, Oakland Raiders, 1220 Harbor Bay Pkwy, Alameda, CA 94502. Kindly, send the Box a copy.

The latest copy of the Reader

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Reader writer fends off attacks on Encinitas cliff story

Says each letter writer takes on only part of the article

The Box will stand second to no one in getting game-ready for Sunday's Chargers/Patriots contest. This is the best playoff match-up to date and is required viewing for sports enthusiasts.

But, let's not take our eyes off the ball while we await Sunday's thriller. I don't want you to let this week slip by without taking advantage of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Why not be an NFL head coach?

Al Davis, the owner of the Oakland Raiders, is looking for a new head coach again, and there's no reason why that position shouldn't be yours. Yes, there are some problems, but nothing major. You'll have to get over overtly hating the Raiders. Surely, great gobs of money will engender positive feelings toward the Silver and Black. You'll have to spend part of your week in Oakland. Security contractors, fresh from Iraq, will take care of your needs. You'll have to be easy about being fired at season's end. Two million dollars should make that a pleasant experience.

Sponsored
Sponsored

On the happy side of the street, you don't need to know anything about football. Al has reached the moving-into-the-seventh-floor- of-a-Las-Vegas-hotel, -letting-his-fingernails-grow- to-eight-inches, -peeing-in-bottles-and-mumbling, -"Just-win,-baby" -at-the-door-knob stage of his life. Until a court intervenes, do what he says, no matter how loony it seems to you. Remember, four or five months of doing what the crazy man says equals two million bucks. Tell Al you love the vertical pass. In fact, you love it even better when the vertical pass is combined with the long downfield pass, giving Raider Nation one long, vertical, downfield pass explosion of football ecstasy. Pride and Poise.

You'll be replacing Art Shell, which may be more difficult than it seems. I still can't figure if Shell was stupid or smart. For sure, he was stupid when it came to coaching and personnel; that's not in dispute. But I'm wondering whether he was street-smart or street-stupid. Was he smart enough to know that being an NFL head coach in 2006 would be way over his head? Was he smart enough to sit back and enjoy the paychecks? Smart enough to bring aboard his old buddy, Tom Walsh, the Idaho B&B proprietor, and his equal in incompetence as offensive-coordinator-best-friend? Art's hire reminds me of when the pipeline hit Alaska. I wrote to a friend in Oregon, "It's raining money, get a bucket and come on up."

Art and Tom did seem to be on a long hunting trip, two old friends, camping out, drinking whiskey, and telling lies around the campfire, not caring whether they bagged an elk or not. I loved Art's press conferences. The Raiders lost 14 games, and after every one of them, Shell would appear, face set in cement, and deadpan to the press, "We've got to hold on to the ball," then go home. There's something wonderful about that.

Or, was he stupid-stupid? This is what Shell told reporters on Monday: "Many times, a record is not an indicator, and I know it's wins and losses that count, but I think and believe that we're a better group than we were at the beginning of the year or at any time in the off-season."

He was fired three days later. Art lost the respect of his team during training camp. The Raiders quit in every game I saw them play. Yet from everything that's been said and written, you have to believe Shell thought he was returning for year two.

Let's get back to you and your new job as Raiders head coach. It's possible Davis will retrace his steps. Davis fired Shell the first time after the 1994 season. The next head coach, for two seasons, was Mike White. Then Joe Bugel for one season, Jon Gruden for four seasons, Bill Callahan for two seasons, Norv Turner for one season, and Shell again for one season. So, if Al's making a loop, he'll hire his 1995--'96 coach, Mike White. White was working for Kansas City as director of football administration in 2005, but is not listed in the 2006 Chiefs directory, and therefore, is in need of a job.

Joe Bugel is the offensive assistant head coach for the Washington Redskins. No one now living knows why. He could be a strong candidate. Jon Gruden, soon to be the fired head coach of the Tampa Bay Bucs, will be looking for work. The 2002--'03 Raiders coach, Bill Callahan, was demoted to college football and is now head coach of the University of Nebraska. Norv Turner is the offensive coordinator for the San Francisco 49ers.

Tough competition. Let's hope Al still has the fire to go for a fresh young face. Yours. You could not be any worse than what he's used to.

So, get to it, mail a one-page essay, "Why I want to be a Raiders head coach" to: Mr. Allen Davis, Oakland Raiders, 1220 Harbor Bay Pkwy, Alameda, CA 94502. Kindly, send the Box a copy.

Comments
Sponsored

The latest copy of the Reader

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

94th Aero Squadron – French farmhouse still works

Try the antinoise –tomatoes with olive oil dressing plus capers, garlic, toasted coriander seeds, basil, spring onions, salted anchovies
Next Article

San Diego Fix it Clinic, Gaslamp Holiday Pet Parade

Events December 14-December 18, 2024
Comments
Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader