the only good thing i can say about today...a bright but cold Sunday in SandyEggo that it's not raining...i'd be completely crushed if it was

I've never gotten completely over that "little girl lost feeling"...the "nose pressed to the candy store window" phenomena of my childhood when on rainy Sundays my Da couldn't come and visit me at the orphanage

i fell in love with Terry when he offered to adopt me

i hate loss...simply hate it...and if tears could wash the loss away I'd be a heavy weight contender...

but that's not the way the Universe works...if only i was a well indoctrinated Buddhist who would cling to the understanding of ebb and flow of joy and pain and could rise above the waves and sail smoothly over them....sometimes i manage to..

sometimes i can't tho...but that's not true...

i could but I've chosen to be alive and experience all of it

this year was tough and is getting tougher

yesterday i spoke with Terry's wife....our usual Christmas conversation since his death....and she cried so hard i couldn't understand a word...and before too long she couldn't understand me strange it is that we are the only ones who knew a side of that Irishman that has now become a soothing salve of healing for each of us when we speak

Terry sent me his 30 year old sweater two years ago Christmas...because Gail told him she'd pummel him if he didn't throw it away after she and the boys bought him a new one....hahahahahahahahahaha....this year i removed all the metal buttons and strung them with cabochons of his birthstone to make a necklace for her...the 29th of this month would have been his 62nd birthday....all of the bears i sent to his granddaughter never made their way to her as Terry hugged them all up and refused to relinquish them.....hahahahahahahahahahaha...

HE WAS SO BAD...a kid still in his mind...just like me...two peas in a pod...our sox sewn together waiting to run away from home and take the transcontinental train across Canada

shall we go adventuring

find somewhere to play

down the willowed barkland

on a bright crisp winter day

lull me with palather

i'll push you in your swing

with lips of Winter crimson

accept your friendship ring

Gawd Gail and i loved that man!!!

More like this:


Ruth Newell Dec. 11, 2011 @ 4:58 p.m.

So sweetly saturated with it--your love for him. I'm moved, Nan. Thank you,


nan shartel Dec. 11, 2011 @ 11:32 p.m.

great thx Roody...the only other man besides my Bobby i truly loved


quillpena Dec. 11, 2011 @ 10:32 p.m.

Terry sounds like a good man. It's so unfortunate that we all must eventually leave the gilded cage.


nan shartel Dec. 11, 2011 @ 11:33 p.m.

he died young for this time frame...Gail and i miss him a great deal

i see him again i know


nan shartel Dec. 13, 2011 @ 2:31 p.m.

thx Dadler

Merry Christmas to u and fam


nan shartel Jan. 7, 2012 @ 2:38 p.m.

ah darlin' come and gone

shall i meet you in Ireland green

ride ponies on the cliffs

roll like children in the soft grass there

as we wait to see the hush of gloaming

flecks of gold in Irish eyes

mirror those in mine

curving lips and fingertips

touching each of us in mime

capture you come capture me

take me where you wont

your hellion here awaits you

with her desirous taunt


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