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I’m a no land’s girl…

My country doesn’t exist, that’s according to the world map in my new favorite bar in San Diego – Blind Lady. I told the bartender that their map is a little out of date, he handed me a pen and told me to “go ahead, draw yourself a country”.

The other day I called my native country’s embassy in US to ask them to extend my passport and they pretty much told me to go F* myself, I don’t really know why but US doesn’t quite wants me either so I’m a little screwed here. Nobody wants me. Oh well, as I said before I have a pretty good relationship with myself, that’s what counts. I was telling my girlfriend over a Pale Ale the story about my inability to belong to a land, she promised me that she would smuggle me illegally in the back of her van into Mexico if I really want to. I could live in her uncle’s house for a while; maybe Mexicans decide that they want me… If they don’t, well I could write a book about how many countries a managed to get kicked out of!

Email to the most amazing American girl I ever met in my life so far. San Diego lost her to a boat somewhere in the Pacific.

” Dear Lil slutty Ms. Ashley, You are hilarious! I knew that something will happen between you and that guy. Sounds like a lot of fun, linen closet lol. Just please don't get knocked up there in the "no man's land" because with the whole emigration s@#t today, you never know, your kid might never be able to become an American and you might be stuck there in Central America and I don't think I can live without my lil Ashley for longer then a year:) Anyway, I'm glad you are getting some action because I'm getting nada. I mean I go out on a lot of dates but I guess I'm so used to being single and I really don't want to date some loser douchebag just because I need to get married in order to stay here. I know, I'm being way to darn picky and I'm really in no position to do so but I just can't otherwise, I will find somebody eventually. At least I get free diners!;) And I didn't got laid in four months now, I feel like I'm a virgin again. I was just speaking with my roommate about it today, that I want next time when I have sex to be something more meaningful. He laughed at me and said that this still doesn't make me a virgin, grr. I went out with a millionaire from LA the other day for lunch. He flew, I mean he literally flew his own plane to SD to meet me for lunch:) Crazy huh. He wants to fly me to Vegas today just to have Indian food cause I guess there is no good Indian food in California:) I don't think I will go though. He is loaded and stuff but I'm just not that attracted to him.

As for work, I knew you will work your ass off there when I saw that boat. I was actually speaking with Rachel afterwards that it takes some kind of a person to be able to do that but we both decided that you are exactly that type of person! I know it's hard and they don't pay much but I still think it's really great for you. I mean think about it, you get so much time to think and to reevaluate life, and you save money and you are in the middle of an ocean! How freaking amazing! When you come back you will be a completely different person (not that I don't love the good old lil Ashley), you will just be all grown up and you can go back to school and start the real life. You already have so much life experience, I'm impressed! And it's still just the beginning; I bet you will still have so much more to see! I don't think I will be able to do it but I think that even though right now you think that this is way too hard, later you will realize how amazing this all is!

As for me, this is what I do: I have a job in a small coffee shop that just opened. I really like it. I meet a s&%t lot of different, interesting people. I do some web designing. I still write for my paper. I'm not OMG good but I think I'm getting better, and the more I read and write the better I will get eventually, I hope. I love it because it kind of makes me feel good about myself; I know my mom would be proud of me if she was alive. To me it’s an accomplishment to write and to get published in a language I never studied and I didn’t even speak a word before I moved here; in a country that wants to deport me and to even get paid for it sometimes!:) I have my own column now, I write about heroes. It's pretty cool. I guess somebody got inspired by my story about the woman I was telling you about and went to her house and gave her 500$. That was such a great feeling, to know that I made a change! So now every month I look for heroes, and sometimes good heroes are even harder to find then good boyfriends but "giving up" it's not part of my vocabulary. And the most important; I got hired by a restaurant owner in San Diego as his assistant. The whole thing is kind of weird but it sounds really good, too good to be true at times and you have to tell me what you think about it! I found him on craigslist; the ad said that he wants a live in assistant/housekeeper. I met him for the interview at his restaurant (it's extremely fine dinning). He is 32, a single, good looking guy. He owns the restaurant and he says that he is super busy, he can't find anybody that he can trust to manage the restaurant and that his life got a little out of control. That he wants me to help get his life back on track. The owns a house in Rancho Santa Fe and he lives by himself and he says that it sucks coming back to a home that is not clean and he also just lost his driver's license so he pretty much wants me to move in and clean his house, drive him around, pick up his dry cleaning, run his errands and for that I live in this huge mansion in a very nice neighborhood for free, I eat for free, he pays me 250$ a week plus if I want extra money he says I can be a hostess for his restaurant some evenings. So now I think what’s the trick here!? I mean how long will it take me to clean his house, it's not like there are babies living there, I can do it in a hour, run all his errands and after that I get all this time in the world to read, write, learn and web design. I told him that I'm planning to go back to school and get my masters; he says that he doesn't mind as soon as I get the job done. He even says that he might put a down deposit to buy me a cheap car so it will be easier for me to commute to San Diego and he doesn't mind if I sleep at my friend's houses some nights and I get the weekends off. It sounds so darn good! I thought that he might be some pervert and maybe just wants to sleep with me, but he is loaded, good looking and young. I bet he doesn't have any problems getting girls (and I really don't mind sleeping with him, he is HOT but I think that might get a little awkward, not very professional and I'm not gonna do it). So I'm moving in tomorrow, Mark is helping me move, meet him, see the house and according to Mark this guy is dead if he hurts me in any way. I asked Andrew (that's his name) why did he choose me; I bet he got a lot of people answering his add. He said that I sounded like the perfect fit and he told me a story about some Brazilian chick touching his leg when she came for the interview so I just assume that he doesn't want any of that. His only requirement is no guys in the house, he says I can have a girlfriend over or even have a girl’s night in if I want, just to let him know in advance. So please tell me what you think about all of this, it's all kind of weird but I made up my mind already, I'm doing it. It's like an adventure and if it doesn't work out at least I get a story out of it! Plus the roommates said that if I ever want to move back, my room will always be there for me.

With my emigration s#@t still nada. I don't even have a court date. According to my lawyer, that wants all my life savings, unless I get married she really can't do anything for me other then buy me time. But she says I have a year or two to find myself a husband, so I'm on a deadline here but I will figure something out, probably when I least expect it I will find somebody. I don't think I'm ready to settle and have a family but it seams that this is what I have to do. I thought about it more and I decided that I still can have a career and travel and do all the stuff I want to do even if I will have a family. It will probably require way much more work but I can do it, only if I found love, but that's always the hard part.

OK babe, enough for today. I wrote you a novel. I'm going to enjoy another day in my beautiful San Diego! Please keep me updated with your adventures in the linen closet!:) Miss you and love you mucho, K.:)”

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My country doesn’t exist, that’s according to the world map in my new favorite bar in San Diego – Blind Lady. I told the bartender that their map is a little out of date, he handed me a pen and told me to “go ahead, draw yourself a country”.

The other day I called my native country’s embassy in US to ask them to extend my passport and they pretty much told me to go F* myself, I don’t really know why but US doesn’t quite wants me either so I’m a little screwed here. Nobody wants me. Oh well, as I said before I have a pretty good relationship with myself, that’s what counts. I was telling my girlfriend over a Pale Ale the story about my inability to belong to a land, she promised me that she would smuggle me illegally in the back of her van into Mexico if I really want to. I could live in her uncle’s house for a while; maybe Mexicans decide that they want me… If they don’t, well I could write a book about how many countries a managed to get kicked out of!

Email to the most amazing American girl I ever met in my life so far. San Diego lost her to a boat somewhere in the Pacific.

” Dear Lil slutty Ms. Ashley, You are hilarious! I knew that something will happen between you and that guy. Sounds like a lot of fun, linen closet lol. Just please don't get knocked up there in the "no man's land" because with the whole emigration s@#t today, you never know, your kid might never be able to become an American and you might be stuck there in Central America and I don't think I can live without my lil Ashley for longer then a year:) Anyway, I'm glad you are getting some action because I'm getting nada. I mean I go out on a lot of dates but I guess I'm so used to being single and I really don't want to date some loser douchebag just because I need to get married in order to stay here. I know, I'm being way to darn picky and I'm really in no position to do so but I just can't otherwise, I will find somebody eventually. At least I get free diners!;) And I didn't got laid in four months now, I feel like I'm a virgin again. I was just speaking with my roommate about it today, that I want next time when I have sex to be something more meaningful. He laughed at me and said that this still doesn't make me a virgin, grr. I went out with a millionaire from LA the other day for lunch. He flew, I mean he literally flew his own plane to SD to meet me for lunch:) Crazy huh. He wants to fly me to Vegas today just to have Indian food cause I guess there is no good Indian food in California:) I don't think I will go though. He is loaded and stuff but I'm just not that attracted to him.

As for work, I knew you will work your ass off there when I saw that boat. I was actually speaking with Rachel afterwards that it takes some kind of a person to be able to do that but we both decided that you are exactly that type of person! I know it's hard and they don't pay much but I still think it's really great for you. I mean think about it, you get so much time to think and to reevaluate life, and you save money and you are in the middle of an ocean! How freaking amazing! When you come back you will be a completely different person (not that I don't love the good old lil Ashley), you will just be all grown up and you can go back to school and start the real life. You already have so much life experience, I'm impressed! And it's still just the beginning; I bet you will still have so much more to see! I don't think I will be able to do it but I think that even though right now you think that this is way too hard, later you will realize how amazing this all is!

As for me, this is what I do: I have a job in a small coffee shop that just opened. I really like it. I meet a s&%t lot of different, interesting people. I do some web designing. I still write for my paper. I'm not OMG good but I think I'm getting better, and the more I read and write the better I will get eventually, I hope. I love it because it kind of makes me feel good about myself; I know my mom would be proud of me if she was alive. To me it’s an accomplishment to write and to get published in a language I never studied and I didn’t even speak a word before I moved here; in a country that wants to deport me and to even get paid for it sometimes!:) I have my own column now, I write about heroes. It's pretty cool. I guess somebody got inspired by my story about the woman I was telling you about and went to her house and gave her 500$. That was such a great feeling, to know that I made a change! So now every month I look for heroes, and sometimes good heroes are even harder to find then good boyfriends but "giving up" it's not part of my vocabulary. And the most important; I got hired by a restaurant owner in San Diego as his assistant. The whole thing is kind of weird but it sounds really good, too good to be true at times and you have to tell me what you think about it! I found him on craigslist; the ad said that he wants a live in assistant/housekeeper. I met him for the interview at his restaurant (it's extremely fine dinning). He is 32, a single, good looking guy. He owns the restaurant and he says that he is super busy, he can't find anybody that he can trust to manage the restaurant and that his life got a little out of control. That he wants me to help get his life back on track. The owns a house in Rancho Santa Fe and he lives by himself and he says that it sucks coming back to a home that is not clean and he also just lost his driver's license so he pretty much wants me to move in and clean his house, drive him around, pick up his dry cleaning, run his errands and for that I live in this huge mansion in a very nice neighborhood for free, I eat for free, he pays me 250$ a week plus if I want extra money he says I can be a hostess for his restaurant some evenings. So now I think what’s the trick here!? I mean how long will it take me to clean his house, it's not like there are babies living there, I can do it in a hour, run all his errands and after that I get all this time in the world to read, write, learn and web design. I told him that I'm planning to go back to school and get my masters; he says that he doesn't mind as soon as I get the job done. He even says that he might put a down deposit to buy me a cheap car so it will be easier for me to commute to San Diego and he doesn't mind if I sleep at my friend's houses some nights and I get the weekends off. It sounds so darn good! I thought that he might be some pervert and maybe just wants to sleep with me, but he is loaded, good looking and young. I bet he doesn't have any problems getting girls (and I really don't mind sleeping with him, he is HOT but I think that might get a little awkward, not very professional and I'm not gonna do it). So I'm moving in tomorrow, Mark is helping me move, meet him, see the house and according to Mark this guy is dead if he hurts me in any way. I asked Andrew (that's his name) why did he choose me; I bet he got a lot of people answering his add. He said that I sounded like the perfect fit and he told me a story about some Brazilian chick touching his leg when she came for the interview so I just assume that he doesn't want any of that. His only requirement is no guys in the house, he says I can have a girlfriend over or even have a girl’s night in if I want, just to let him know in advance. So please tell me what you think about all of this, it's all kind of weird but I made up my mind already, I'm doing it. It's like an adventure and if it doesn't work out at least I get a story out of it! Plus the roommates said that if I ever want to move back, my room will always be there for me.

With my emigration s#@t still nada. I don't even have a court date. According to my lawyer, that wants all my life savings, unless I get married she really can't do anything for me other then buy me time. But she says I have a year or two to find myself a husband, so I'm on a deadline here but I will figure something out, probably when I least expect it I will find somebody. I don't think I'm ready to settle and have a family but it seams that this is what I have to do. I thought about it more and I decided that I still can have a career and travel and do all the stuff I want to do even if I will have a family. It will probably require way much more work but I can do it, only if I found love, but that's always the hard part.

OK babe, enough for today. I wrote you a novel. I'm going to enjoy another day in my beautiful San Diego! Please keep me updated with your adventures in the linen closet!:) Miss you and love you mucho, K.:)”

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