I thought Dave Barry used to write an amazing column (and he's done a few funny books). I always found it odd though, when he would write something like "Reader Danielle Stevens sent in a story about a man that lets bees sting him because it turns him on."

But now, that's how I'm starting this blog.

Magicsfive had sent me a story with two of the things I love most. Idiots and their idiotic parents that hire lawyers. Well, that's at least how the writers of the story couched it.

A 15-year-old was walking in Staten Island and fell into an open manhole. She would've seen it, but she was texting while she walked. The parents are suing the city.

This is one of those rare instances where my friends probably think I'd feel one way, and I don't. Because, I have no problem with people walking and texting. Now, had she walked into a stop sign or something, and they decided to sue, I'd have a problem. But why is a manhole open? That's dangerous.

And you can't say someone shouldn't text while they walk. You could be opening a pack of gum and walk into a manhole that's left open (in my best Seinfeld voice: why, are they called, manholes? Why not womanholes?)

And, in honor Dave Barry I'll use one of his famous jokes (which everyone under the sun has stolen) -- Woman Holes, that's the name of my new heavy metal band.

Anyway, the texting thing made the cover of the Union-Tribune this morning. Apparently, research shows that if you text while drive, chances are 23 times greater that you'll be in an accident.

Now, please tell me no more than $100 was spent on this survey. What person couldn't tell you this?

I can give the DMV some other statistics. Now, I'm not going to do the research, but I'm sure they're close enough. Instead of them spending thousands of dollars, they can drop me a small check. Or let me register my cars one year for free. Their choice.

-- If you eat fast food while you drive, you're 17 times more likely to be involved in an accident (19 if ketchup is involved)

-- If you yell at children in the backseat, 3 times more likely (and you'll probably even pull over once in a while to tell the children this stat)

-- Singing along to an Aerosmith song from Toys in the Attick -- 5 times more likely (6 times, if your lips are as big as Steven Tylers).

-- Women putting on make up -- 2 times more likely (I hate to admit that this number is so low, but I've observed women putting on make-up. They're pretty good at it. And they usually stick to doing it at red lights, not on the freeway going 70 mph).

-- Men shaving -- 3 times more likely (and 89% more likely to cut themselves)

-- Smoking -- 5 times more likely to cause an accident (this includes the vehicles behind you dodging the butt you chucked out the window).

-- Men pulling up to check out the blonde in the Lexus -- 8 times more likely.

Now, I just saw a story about a golf cart that went 75-feet over a cliff at Pala Mesa Golf Resort. The jury gave the widow $1.4 million, ruling it was 30% his fault.

The same stats I've listed above can apply to the golf course, simply add this:

-- Changing your golf score as you drive to the next hole -- 9 times more likely to be in an accident.