You know how you laugh at something you shouldn't? A person might walk into a glass door they didn't notice was shut, and they're visibly hurt. But you laugh.

I had one of those moments when I was heading home from basketball, and heard the 911 call from the lady with Travis the chimp, who attacked the neighbor. She had this Jersey accent as she was crying and screaming. And just the idea that a 911 operator is listening to someone say "a chimp just ate my friend."

It is obviously a horrible tragedy, but it's just hard for me to have sympathy for those involved.

I remember a few years back someone that had raised a gorilla or some kind of monkey...and he went to visit it at the place that was taking care of it. The animal promptly ripped his testicles out.

At that point, anyone that owned a monkey should've gotten rid of it. Except for maybe Michael Jackson. After all, he probably doesn't have to worry about anything like that being ripped from him.

One guy was making the shows today. He had his face eaten by a chimp. They made this nose that sticks to his face with magnets. Again, I thought of Michael Jackson.

And of all the fun things you could do with a detachable nose. Your grandmother makes an apple pie, and you can pull it off and move it over the pie and say how delicious it smells. The possibilities are endless.

So, this chimp Travis went and turned Travis Bickle on everyone, huh? And, the reports are all saying how surprised everyone is, because this chimp had done commercials. So what?

There was an actor that tried to kill a woman in San Marcos recently. It doesn't matter what someone does...especially animals. Even if they are potty trained, and eat at the table.

I heard that the woman was concerned with him acting weird, so she laced his tea with Xanax. Good move.

I also like the move where you call a neighbor for help with your surly chimp. I mean, asking a neighbor to help you move a couch is one thing, or to borrow sugar. Not for you to get your 200 pound animal in check.

Ya know...when I did my Oscar picks the other day, I was pleasantly surprised to see Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood, didn't get a single nomination.

I'm now thinking about all those movies he did in the 70s, with Geoffrey Lewis (Juliette's dad), and that lovable chimp Clyde, who would punch cops and motorcycle gangs, without differentiating between the two.

He would also crack open a beer and down it with Clint. Not unlike Travis, who apparently sipped wine at the table.

I guess now he'll be sipping wine at that great big zoo in the sky...or, wait. The chimp murdered someone. Does that mean he goes to hell? Surely an animal going on instinct doesn't belong in hell.

Oh, it's all so confusing.


tumayu Feb. 18, 2009 @ 8 a.m.

I am guessing that you have never had an animal companion, at least one with which you could bond. If you had, you would know why laughing at this is like laughing at the news story that came up last year about the little 8 year old boy in AZ who inexplicably killed his father. Companion animal attacks like this are extremely rare; these animals are no more unpredictable than humans are. There are countless stories of humans who were considered gentle and harmless suddenly going psychotic. Apes have similar psychologies and are capable of going psychotic too. It is a sad story, no one is to blame, and you are spreading ignorance.


Josh Board Feb. 18, 2009 @ 8:55 a.m.

I didn't laugh at the boy who killed his father. But in that case, I had little sympathy. You see, that father was a gun person. Don't get me wrong...I have no problem with guns. I'm one of those Democrats that feels the NRA gets a bad rap. But ya know what? If you want guns in your house, you're a complete idiot if you don't think your kid might some day get to that weapon. Or if you don't think a burglar might get to it, and use it on you.

And, those same things you should prepare for if you get an ape to live with you. It's a friggin wild animal. I have all the sympathy in the world, if someone is attacked at a zoo (although, you can make the argument that the animals shouldn't even be locked up at a zoo, either).

But there have been enough stories that have come out, that show you shouldn't be living with monkees, chimps, apes, or whatever.

I've even heard stories (although they are rare), about cats killing a newborn baby. So, you'd be insane to have a cat if you have a baby (not to mention allergies you might not know about). But I wouldn't fault a family for having a pet dog or cat with children, because so many people do without incident.

If you have an ape...well, I'm going to laugh if you then slip on the bananas he leaves laying on the kitchen floor. Or if he decides to rip you to shreds one day because you don't give him a refill on his wine, or another bowl of ice cream (which, by the way, probably isn't the best diet for an animal like that, either...again, it's an idiot not learning about the creature she's choosing to bring into her home).

I just recently got a dog for the first time. It's a tiny little mut, but I've read books, checked websites, and did so much research, just because I want to make sure I'm feeding him the healthiest dog food and not doing things that will harm him.

(I'm also guessing that a maltese isn't going to some day rip my face big toe is about all he'd be able to reach).


andrea1221 Feb. 18, 2009 @ 7:46 p.m.

I just have a problem with a wild animal being domesticated and locked up like that. I know this woman didn't leave it in a cage 24/7 and she supposedly treated it like it was just another member of her household, but it's not in it's proper setting. You can't really fault an animal going nuts like that. Dogs and cats are domesticated animals. Some animals like chimps are not meant to be in my opinion.


Josh Board Feb. 19, 2009 @ 9 a.m.

Dennis Miller told a great story about having a monkey on his set for a bit of time. He just liked the visual of talking about something serious, and a monkey would just walk by. He said once it got a package of tic-tacs out of his desk and was prepared to eat it. He quickly grabbed it from the monkey saying "no," because he thought the plastic could hurt him. And after that, for the following weeks, the monkey was never friendly with him again. That freaked him out, and he said to get rid of the monkey. He realized that even though the trainer was always a few feet away, it just wasn't the proper setting for an animal.


bluenwhitegokart Feb. 21, 2009 @ 3:04 a.m.

There's just something about single women and companion animals. I've noticed it in several of my friends and relatives. The animal(s) invariably become surrogate mates (without the consummation part, Josh - I know you or somebody is going to go there) to the point where I don't want to be around's just too neurotic. Oh, by the way, chimps, snakes, chickens, or any other non domestic animal (ie cat, dog), is not, not, not a companion animal.


Josh Board Feb. 21, 2009 @ 10:55 a.m.

You are correct, sir! (said in my best Phil Hartmanish/Ed McMahon voice)

That's why I found it so funny in the movie Notes on a Scandal a few years back, when Judy Densch comments on why she has a cat.

And, before women get all upset, it's not ALL women. But you're right, there's a certain percentage that do this.

I'm guessing the ape, which she claims was potty trained, is a lot neater in the bathroom than most men. (cue the Rita Rudner voice):

"Men are like big apes. Especially in bathrooms. Accuracy isn't very important to them. As long as you get it in the general area of the toilet, that's close enough."


bluenwhitegokart Feb. 22, 2009 @ 3:07 a.m.

I very rarely speak in absolutes when it comes to stereotyping. Plenty of women have what we would consider to be normal, healthy human-pet interactions...I'd just be willing to bet that the majority of them aren't single women. Can men be just as neurotic as women when it comes to that sort of thing? Absolutely; let's turn to some gay friends of mine! ;o) That ought to get the hypersensitive among us all spun up.

It's hard not to think of a pet or companion animal as a member of the family; the vast majority of us do, to one degree or another. But when you start treating the pet as a child, or a boyfriend, there's a problem, Houston. When you dress it, sleep with it, talk to it in baby talk, and so on...basically, when you exhibit behavior that wouldn't be considered appropriate or healthy in a human to human relationship, you just might have a pathology at work.


Josh Board Feb. 24, 2009 @ 9:28 a.m.

I obviously think some men do this, too. But it's got to be more common among women. I can't tell you the amount of women I dated that have cats. That alone, should tell you something. But, it's how they talk about their cats. Whether that is how smart the cat is, or how "lovable"...when I witness the cat doing nothing "lovable" to this person, just acting on instinct (eating, mating, going over to be pet for a few minutes and leaving, etc).


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