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Okay...I hate to blog again about a Dear Abby. But this just got me thinking on so many different subjects.

Somene sent Abby a letter about her husband and her expecting their first child. The names they picked are: Ethan for a boy, Ardith for a girl.

Her father is furious and says "I'm praying you have a boy because I couldn't imagine saddling a child with a name like Ardith."

My first thought is...how insane is this guy that he has no problem with Ethan?

I mean, I have no problem with Ethan Coehn, who does those amazing movies.

In high school, I had a boss at my job named Ethan Allen. We used to make fun of that all the time. But, I actually like the name Ardith.

The woman goes on to explain that her father named her brother "Seymour Herbert." Now, at this point, you just have to tell your dad he's insane. She found his remarks "extremely hurtful."

Oh, who cares. Parents are always telling you stuff. The amount of times my mom will call me and say "I read your last Crasher. It wasn't that funny." I don't mind.

I think friends and family should be able to tell you when you pick a stupid baby name. Now, I'd never tell a friend their child is freaky looking. But, I remember when a friend told me she was naming her son "Emilio." My face did that same expression the guy had in the "scream" painting. Hands on my cheeks, mouth wide open. She said, "I know it's not that common a name, but I like it." I then said, "Uh...do you have a relative with that name or something?"

I can't remember what she said. I believe she had an uncle she was close to with the name. Whatever. She didn't mind that I hated it. And, I wasn't going to pretend to like it. Friends shouldn't have to do that.

And, if you are someone that is so sensitive, don't ask people what they think of the baby name you picked. Or if the dress you're wearing is making your butt look big. If you're asking that, you probably have a fat ass. So don't be offended when you ask someone a question you don't like the answer to.

Someone recently read my blog about my PT Cruiser and she said how those cars are ugly, and she made the mistake of telling her friend that was so excited by his new car. She said, "I hope it's not one of those ugly PT Cruisers." It was.

He was pissed.

As she told me the story, she then wondered if I was mad. I laughed.

When did we become a country that is so damn sensitive?

I think someone should update a version of "A Boy Named Sue." It can end with Sue finding his dad in a dive bar, and then serving him with papers. A lawsuit for all the years he was made fun of for having that name.

The fathers defense in court could be that he didn't want to offend his Aunt Sue, who hoped their first child would be named after her.

Comments
6

There's nothing wrong with Ethan. And Emilio is fine if the family is Hispanic. It doesn't sound right if his last name is Smith. The names you should have an issue with are 1) made up names that aren't really names and nobody knows how to say, unless they do because somebody named their kid Window or something, or 2) people who don't know how to spell the name they give their kid, or worse, spell it different to be creative. If you want to name your kid Lancelot (you're an idiot) but you spell it Lan'xlott I'm going to call your kid Lanks-lott, and if he doesn't like it tough. He can blame you.

Aug. 14, 2008

Well, there are a lot of names you can say there is nothing wrong with. Ethan, Lillian, Sally, Herald....but, imagine...you have a baby. And you say "I will name this child Herald."

Really? Is that the best name you got? Again, not that there's anything "wrong" with it. But, this is a kid that could have his head flushed down a toilet if his name is Seymour Herbert.

The Emilio child...his last name was a Scottish sounding name. So, it didn't sound like the best fit, either.

I agree though, a name like Emilio Estev doesn't sound bad. When you say the first name with the last.

Aug. 15, 2008

Better than Seymour Butts. (Bart dance.)

And it's usually spelled "Harold." I kinda like Herald better. Sounds like a great, strong name for a kid with a message for the world. In fact, I kinda like it for a GIRL. How's that tickle ya?

You got both Harry AND Sally with this one. You got something against that movie?

Not to mention Jimmy Carter's mom and my grandmother, Lillian.

And Ethan Hawke, and Tom Cruises's character from the Mission Impossible movies. LOTS of Ethans around nowadays. Way too common, for my taste.

I like names for kids that are unusual enough to be unique, but not out there enough to be weird. I like slight variations on common names. And I like city names (but not the ones that have been done to death). And I like names that are common elsewhere, but not in the U.S. -- typically British ones for boys, and French or Italian ones for girls.

As for you -- you're a little obsessed about this name thing, aren't ya? Y is dat, Mr. Board?

Aug. 15, 2008

Loved the Bart dance. Loved the ending, where you mention my last name when you ask the question. Nice.

Well...I've explained it before. I just think you owe it to your kid, not to name them Volkswagon. Even if that's where they were conceived.

Or some other weird name. It's why that scene in LA Story was so funny, with Sarah Jessica Parker telling Steve Marin her name is "Sandy...but it's spelled S-a...capital N...followed by a lower case n...d-i-two e's...."

It just becomes insane.

(ever see Nicolas Cage on SNL....trying to name his child, and not liking any name his wife comes up with? he gets a telegram congratulating him on his new baby...and we find out his last name is "Ass Wipe"..a French name that he claims is pronounced "Os-weep-aye".

Aug. 16, 2008

I love LA Story. Quirky little film. You dont' see a lot of magical realism in American cinema. Funniest bit is the coffee-house scene, where they're all ordering these ridiculously complicated coffees. Seemed insane at the time.

Now, it sounds just like me at Starbucks on any given day.

The Os-weep-aye bit killed on SNL. Great stuff.

Tell ya where parents can go horribly wrong: Get too creative, and you can end up naming your kid a medical term for something pretty gross. Example:

Melena - black, tarry stool caused by old blood.

Hey, what's Trump's wife's name again?

Aug. 16, 2008

I got home tonight just in time to see The Office. That middle eastern girl (who also is a writer on the show), was in another cubicle saying she wanted to name her kid "Usher Jennifer Hudson the first". Awesome.

Hey...I just read a story in the sports page of the Union Tribune today. Some guy with the last name Field, is naming his son "Wrigley"...of course, he's a Cubs fan. But still.

Aug. 19, 2008

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