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I'm trying to watch football on Sunday, and can't enjoy the Chargers finally beating a team the way they're capable of doing - because I'm in bed sick.

I call and cancel my Sunday night racquetball game because I still feel like crap by 5 p.m. At least I get to watch the Patriots almost lose their first game of the season. Although, I remember I forgot to put $100 down on that 22 point spread, which I would've won.

A friend calls and tells me he'll give me a pair of tickets to see Van Halen that night. I tell him I'm sick, and he laughs into the phone. He says "It's Van Halen, dude!" It's like I'm in a scene from Fast Times. I tell him I saw David Lee Roth at House of Blues, and it was kind of lame. He says, "Yeah, but this is with Eddie. How can you pass up $175 tickets?"

I turn him down, and try to get some sleep. Which you can never do when you're sick. You turn one way, and your nose gets even more clogged up. You stack up 12 pillows, thinking that will do the trick. You turn pillows over, for that wonderful cool side, hoping it will help your burning face. You run out of tissue by the side of your bed, and debate whether or not to blow your nose into the sheets.

By the time you finally fall asleep at 5:00 a.m. you hear your neighbors car alarm go off as he gets ready for work.

I guess he doesn't remember that he's got an alarm on his car, I dunno.

At that point, instead of debating whether or not to blow my nose into the sheets, I'm debating whether to use my empty Fiji water bottle as a bed pan.

Sorry....too much info???

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Comments
6

Ewww. You'd be better off with one of those cholostomy bags and a catheter attatched to your nostril.

Nov. 27, 2007

Well, my friend called and left a message that Van Halen was great. But he says that about every concert. After seeing the set list of the 2 hour concert....I wish I would've worn a cholostomy bag and gone to the show!!!!

Nov. 27, 2007

Next time you could improvise and use a whoopee cushion.

Nov. 28, 2007

There was an episode of The Simpsons, where Homer goes to visit his dad. He sees an old guy with a cholostomy bag, and he asks what it is. When it's explained to him, he says "You mean...he can sit there and watch TV and never leave that chair? I want one of those!" And we wonder why the writers are striking and want more money. That's gold right there.

Nov. 28, 2007

I had surgery a few years ago. They gave me a cathader. My mom was taking care of me in the hospital. I told her I wanted to get up because I had to pee. She looks at the cathader and says to me, "you are going pee." It was the coolest thing ever! I peed and never had to get up. And no sheets needed to be cleaned. I want one all the time!

Nov. 28, 2007

Okay....that....is too much info!

Nov. 29, 2007

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