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New releases opening this week: Rush, Don Jon, and much, much more!

In a hurry to have a good time? Rush to your local theater and see Rush, the new film from Ron Howard, director of such hits as The Da Vinci Code and The Da Vinci Code 2: Veni Vidi Vinci, er, Angels & Demons.

Whew! So that's what it feels like to write copy. No, thanks. Anyway, Rush was kind of fascinating in its willingness to give the story of the creepy foreign type (Austria? Do they have people there?) equal weight to that of the handsome foreign type (dreamy Chris Hemsworth). It's jocks vs. nerds in the deadly world of Formula One racing. You know, like that gay guy in Tallageda Nights.

Okay, enough silliness. Who's up for some porn with Scarlett Johannson? No, perv, not Scarlett Johansson porn. Don Jon, in which Johannnsssen plays a real, live girl who has a problem with her man diddling himself to digital images of other women. Scott wasn't too impressed, but he did admire Johanson's performance.

MOVING ON: Do you love food puns? Would you say you love food puns enough to see an entire movie based on food puns? Featuring food puns throughout? Then go see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, and be done with it.

On the other hand, if you love food, and lovely pictures of same, and pleasant, unpretentious conversations about eating well, well, you may enjoy Haute Cuisine. The story is a trifle weaksauce, but the pictures are scrum-diddly-icious.

On the other hand (how many hands do we have here?), it may be love you're looking for. We've got an urban high-concept version of that search in Baggage Claim, and a more suburban take (featuring the late, lamented James Gandolfini) in Enough Said.

But we know what you really want, you sorry so-and-so. You want to feel bad. You want to feel bad because you know, deep down, that you deserve to be punished. Because you are bad. Bad, bad, bad. Worthless, even. So go see Inequality for All, a film about how rich people are taking advantage of losers like you. Which you deserve, loser.

Phew! I think that will do for now. Have a lovely day, and for heaven's sake, write and let us know what you thought of all these movies we saw!

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In a hurry to have a good time? Rush to your local theater and see Rush, the new film from Ron Howard, director of such hits as The Da Vinci Code and The Da Vinci Code 2: Veni Vidi Vinci, er, Angels & Demons.

Whew! So that's what it feels like to write copy. No, thanks. Anyway, Rush was kind of fascinating in its willingness to give the story of the creepy foreign type (Austria? Do they have people there?) equal weight to that of the handsome foreign type (dreamy Chris Hemsworth). It's jocks vs. nerds in the deadly world of Formula One racing. You know, like that gay guy in Tallageda Nights.

Okay, enough silliness. Who's up for some porn with Scarlett Johannson? No, perv, not Scarlett Johansson porn. Don Jon, in which Johannnsssen plays a real, live girl who has a problem with her man diddling himself to digital images of other women. Scott wasn't too impressed, but he did admire Johanson's performance.

MOVING ON: Do you love food puns? Would you say you love food puns enough to see an entire movie based on food puns? Featuring food puns throughout? Then go see Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2, and be done with it.

On the other hand, if you love food, and lovely pictures of same, and pleasant, unpretentious conversations about eating well, well, you may enjoy Haute Cuisine. The story is a trifle weaksauce, but the pictures are scrum-diddly-icious.

On the other hand (how many hands do we have here?), it may be love you're looking for. We've got an urban high-concept version of that search in Baggage Claim, and a more suburban take (featuring the late, lamented James Gandolfini) in Enough Said.

But we know what you really want, you sorry so-and-so. You want to feel bad. You want to feel bad because you know, deep down, that you deserve to be punished. Because you are bad. Bad, bad, bad. Worthless, even. So go see Inequality for All, a film about how rich people are taking advantage of losers like you. Which you deserve, loser.

Phew! I think that will do for now. Have a lovely day, and for heaven's sake, write and let us know what you thought of all these movies we saw!

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