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Director Tarsem (The Fall, The Cell) has been called a visionary, which presumably means he has an eye for interesting visuals. And that's almost enough to carry you through this bit of buff, burnished bloodshed, a mashup of 300 (invading barbarian army), Troy (immortality through deeds vs. offspring), and the myth of Theseus and the minotaur. Almost. But so much else here is pedestrian, except for Mickey Rourke, who has a good time as the cruel conqueror who dares to make war on the pretty, pretty gods.

One star.

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Scott Marks Nov. 11, 2011 @ 5:04 p.m.

Thank you, kind sir. I was just on my way out the door when I read this. I guess tonight's feature will be "Whitney Brown."


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