Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs

Breaking! New Chargers coach "Mike McCoy" revealed to be Chargers counsel Mark Fabiani

Leaked memo outlines "new strategy" in struggle for new stadium

Change the part on the hair, plump the nose, tweak the ear angle, clean up the eyebags, and voila!

Documents obtained by SD on the QT have revealed that new San Diego Chargers head coach Mike McCoy is not, as was previously thought, the former offensive coordinator for the Denver Broncos. Rather, he is Chargers chief legal counsel Mark Fabiani, nipped and tucked and inserted into the team's onfield presence for the sake of rallying public support for a publicly financed new stadium.

"Fabiani has long been seen as the the face of the Chargers' push for a new stadium," reads an internal memo from team President and CEO Dean Spanos to the political action committee Chargers Ask for Stadium Help [CASH]. "While he has been and remains an articulate voice on behalf of our interests, the fact is, he's a lawyer. The Chargers brand is powerful, and inspires love for the team in many fans, but it is not powerful enough to inspire love for a lawyer. To combat this problem, we have repositioned Mark as new head coach Mike McCoy. As McCoy, he should be able to get his message across to both fans and media without triggering anyone's bullshit detector. Especially if we're winning. But even if we're not, he can say that the team would rally if given a huge show of support - like, say, a new stadium. We can't lose!"

The memo goes on to detail the enormous success of the transition, thanks in part to "some really excellent plastic surgery from the same guy who does the boob jobs on our cheerleaders. The only thing he wasn't able to change was the look of bottomless, rapacious greed in the eyes. But if we can convince the public that this is actually just a hunger for victory on the field, then we shouldn't have anything to worry about."

As of press time, the real McCoy has not been located.

Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all

Previous article

A cool year in a warming pacific

Pelagic species have comfort zones
Next Article

Happy accidents on the Bob Ross soundtrack

Jason Lee and Dave Klein craft new sounds for a classic show

Change the part on the hair, plump the nose, tweak the ear angle, clean up the eyebags, and voila!

Documents obtained by SD on the QT have revealed that new San Diego Chargers head coach Mike McCoy is not, as was previously thought, the former offensive coordinator for the Denver Broncos. Rather, he is Chargers chief legal counsel Mark Fabiani, nipped and tucked and inserted into the team's onfield presence for the sake of rallying public support for a publicly financed new stadium.

"Fabiani has long been seen as the the face of the Chargers' push for a new stadium," reads an internal memo from team President and CEO Dean Spanos to the political action committee Chargers Ask for Stadium Help [CASH]. "While he has been and remains an articulate voice on behalf of our interests, the fact is, he's a lawyer. The Chargers brand is powerful, and inspires love for the team in many fans, but it is not powerful enough to inspire love for a lawyer. To combat this problem, we have repositioned Mark as new head coach Mike McCoy. As McCoy, he should be able to get his message across to both fans and media without triggering anyone's bullshit detector. Especially if we're winning. But even if we're not, he can say that the team would rally if given a huge show of support - like, say, a new stadium. We can't lose!"

The memo goes on to detail the enormous success of the transition, thanks in part to "some really excellent plastic surgery from the same guy who does the boob jobs on our cheerleaders. The only thing he wasn't able to change was the look of bottomless, rapacious greed in the eyes. But if we can convince the public that this is actually just a hunger for victory on the field, then we shouldn't have anything to worry about."

As of press time, the real McCoy has not been located.

Sponsored
Here's something you might be interested in.
Submit a free classified
or view all
Previous article

Will Chargers hire coach with L.A. star power?

Next Article

Chargers clarify invitation to LaDainian Tomlinson

Ask a Hipster — Advice you didn't know you needed Big Screen — Movie commentary Blurt — Music's inside track Booze News — San Diego spirits Classical Music — Immortal beauty Classifieds — Free and easy Cover Stories — Front-page features Drinks All Around — Bartenders' drink recipes Excerpts — Literary and spiritual excerpts Feast! — Food & drink reviews Feature Stories — Local news & stories Fishing Report — What’s getting hooked from ship and shore From the Archives — Spotlight on the past Golden Dreams — Talk of the town The Gonzo Report — Making the musical scene, or at least reporting from it Letters — Our inbox Movies@Home — Local movie buffs share favorites Movie Reviews — Our critics' picks and pans Musician Interviews — Up close with local artists Neighborhood News from Stringers — Hyperlocal news News Ticker — News & politics Obermeyer — San Diego politics illustrated Outdoors — Weekly changes in flora and fauna Overheard in San Diego — Eavesdropping illustrated Poetry — The old and the new Reader Travel — Travel section built by travelers Reading — The hunt for intellectuals Roam-O-Rama — SoCal's best hiking/biking trails San Diego Beer — Inside San Diego suds SD on the QT — Almost factual news Sheep and Goats — Places of worship Special Issues — The best of Street Style — San Diego streets have style Surf Diego — Real stories from those braving the waves Theater — On stage in San Diego this week Tin Fork — Silver spoon alternative Under the Radar — Matt Potter's undercover work Unforgettable — Long-ago San Diego Unreal Estate — San Diego's priciest pads Your Week — Daily event picks
4S Ranch Allied Gardens Alpine Baja Balboa Park Bankers Hill Barrio Logan Bay Ho Bay Park Black Mountain Ranch Blossom Valley Bonita Bonsall Borrego Springs Boulevard Campo Cardiff-by-the-Sea Carlsbad Carmel Mountain Carmel Valley Chollas View Chula Vista City College City Heights Clairemont College Area Coronado CSU San Marcos Cuyamaca College Del Cerro Del Mar Descanso Downtown San Diego Eastlake East Village El Cajon Emerald Hills Encanto Encinitas Escondido Fallbrook Fletcher Hills Golden Hill Grant Hill Grantville Grossmont College Guatay Harbor Island Hillcrest Imperial Beach Imperial Valley Jacumba Jamacha-Lomita Jamul Julian Kearny Mesa Kensington La Jolla Lakeside La Mesa Lemon Grove Leucadia Liberty Station Lincoln Acres Lincoln Park Linda Vista Little Italy Logan Heights Mesa College Midway District MiraCosta College Miramar Miramar College Mira Mesa Mission Beach Mission Hills Mission Valley Mountain View Mount Hope Mount Laguna National City Nestor Normal Heights North Park Oak Park Ocean Beach Oceanside Old Town Otay Mesa Pacific Beach Pala Palomar College Palomar Mountain Paradise Hills Pauma Valley Pine Valley Point Loma Point Loma Nazarene Potrero Poway Rainbow Ramona Rancho Bernardo Rancho Penasquitos Rancho San Diego Rancho Santa Fe Rolando San Carlos San Marcos San Onofre Santa Ysabel Santee San Ysidro Scripps Ranch SDSU Serra Mesa Shelltown Shelter Island Sherman Heights Skyline Solana Beach Sorrento Valley Southcrest South Park Southwestern College Spring Valley Stockton Talmadge Temecula Tierrasanta Tijuana UCSD University City University Heights USD Valencia Park Valley Center Vista Warner Springs
Close

Anchor ads are not supported on this page.

This Week’s Reader This Week’s Reader