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Bob the Virtual Tour Guide leads visitors into the San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station's main control room.

RELOADING AT SONGS - Ever since the San Onofre nuclear power plant's sudden shutdown over this year, controversy and uncertainty has hung in the air around the facility like a blanket of deadly radioactive fallout. Now, in an effort to dispel the persistent rumors about flesh-eating mutants and other safety hazards involved with a possible restart of operations, the Nuclear Regulatory Committee has constructed a virtual tour of the plant, viewable online at http://www.ogodthezombiesrunrunrun.gov.

"We understand that many members of the public are concerned about the safety and stability of SONGS," said NRC Chief of Containment Blade Hammer. "We want to give them every assurance that the United States government is looking out for their safety, and keeping their children from becoming kiddie tartare for some radioactive nasty. Lock and load, people, and step right this way!"

Asked whether she felt safer as a result of having visited the virtual tour site, Carlsbad resident Susan McCreedy paused before answering, "Yes?"

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