Garrett Harris 2 p.m., May 29
The Case of the Lakeside Labrador
Lakeside Officials Promise Full Investigation Following Dog Attack on Girl Walking to School
Back Country Sheriff Roscoe T. Scruggtickle: "First, we need to determine why a girl was attempting to go to school in the first place. Were there no chores to be done at home? Second, we need to know why she was walking around unarmed. Did her parents never teach her about legal means of self-defense? Third, we have to determine whether or not she provoked the dog - say, by wearing a shirt with a duck on it. A Labrador can't help how he's trained."